Cocoon
by Danica77
Summary: Dreaming about a different life doesn't make living in this cocoon so real. Ashley goes back home hoping for a new start. She finds love but is it a life she is able to handle?
1. Chapter 1

****Thanks for reading this story, it's my first so I hope you like it. Please review and tell me what you think! This starts before Season 1 when Jax is 24 -I don't own any characters from SOA****

Chapter 1

Driving down the interstate towards our new-old home the hot, dry air whipped tangles in my hair. I was not looking forward to moving back to my childhood town. The leather on the steering wheel burned at the top where the sun was beating down on it. I glanced over at my mom who was passed out in the passenger seat, her legs propped up on the dashboard and her mouth wide open. This was all for her.

Charming, California was the town I had grown up in. It was a small town where nothing exciting ever seemed to happen. The layout of the town was boring too, no major stores or restaurants, no nice parks or pools for kids to enjoy, and even the outskirts of the town were desolate, surrounded by desert-like grounds. There was a small main street where the only business owners had their stores and a gas station on the north end of town heading out. For a kid growing up there it was fine, but for a teenager it was like prison. We had lived there until my dad had died when I was 11. That's when my mom decided to move us to the big city to live with my aunt. My mom had wanted a change from where she had lived her whole life. She was running away from the reminders of her past. Unfortunately she did not have what it took to survive in the real world and now at age 22 I was driving us back to our roots.

Glancing at her sleeping she appeared almost normal. Her hard face was softened and peaceful. A vast contrast from the mom I had been living with for some time now. Since escaping Charming she had not been able to deal with the death of my dad, raising a teenage daughter alone and the other stresses of life. She had turned to alcohol, which she could not handle either and had been on a downward spiral ever since. The way my life had always been, the fact that I need to be there for my mom, leaving never seemed like a feasible option. But I always daydreamed of what it would be like to live on my own. I wanted to have my own little flower store where I could spend all day filling it with beautiful arrangements of fresh flowers and a small house by the beach that I could decorate however I pleased. Maybe also a great guy who complimented me perfectly, our love so strong we could never keep our hands off each other, which of course would make us end up with at least three kids. So many fantasies always taking place in my head, they seemed to soften the blow of the reality that I was living.

I pulled myself from my thoughts and slowed down, turning right into the gas station at the side of the road. It seemed like we had been driving for hours with no civilization in sight so I figured I would fill up just in case this was the only place for miles. My thighs hurt as my skin peeled off the leather seats reminding me that moving in the summer was a terrible idea. I filled up at the pump noticing some men staring at me from the window. They were older and grungy and appeared as if they hadn't showered in a while. I would normally be wearing much more, but in that old car with no air conditioning the less I wore the better. My long tan legs stuck out from my cut off jeans into my navy converse. I was wearing a white racer back tank which was rolled up at the bottom because I was too hot in that car. I had my blonde hair thrown up into a messy bun and my oversized black sunglasses kept sliding down my nose in the hot sticky air. I cringed knowing I had to go inside and face them to get my mom a pack of smokes.

"Hey beautiful, what can I do you for?," the toothless man greeted me as I stepped inside.

I took a breath trying not to judge him even though this seemed predictable. "Just a pack of Camels, thanks," I responded glancing away, out the store window at my mom still fast asleep in the car.

He tossed me the pack and grinned as I handed him the money and quickly high tailed it out the door. Standing outside with the hot breeze was almost as torturous as being stuck inside the car. I rerouted the trip on my phone to see how close we actually were. Good, we should be there by about 7 p.m., hopefully there was A/C in my grandfather's small house.

I got back in the car and steered it towards the highway as we headed back on our way. I focused my eyes on the road and let myself enjoy the quietness of the ride. I loved driving on long trips, it would remind me of times that I had spent with my dad. Driving was like a form of meditation to me. When I was stressed out I would go for drives just to relax and let go of all my thoughts. Sometimes I would suddenly realize that I didn't even remember driving moments before, I was so relaxed. Those were the times that I would feel guilty and promise myself to pay more attention.

My mom had managed to sleep almost the whole car ride. As we pulled off the exit to the hole in the wall town she finally woke up.

"Hey are we almost there?" she croaked out, licking her dry lips, taking her legs down from the dashboard and straightening up.

"Yeah this is the exit so maybe five more minutes or so," I answered taking a quick glance in her direction.

"Do you think we can stop at the store?" she asked, I knew what this meant.

"Sure mom, just point me in the direction," I answered turning left onto Main Street. She pointed out the local general store which had a quaint historic-like storefront. I pulled up in front into the closest parking space and waited in the car as she went inside. I watched her tiny frame walk through the aisles until she was able to pick out her bottle of choice. Good thing I am exhausted from driving I thought.

Her brown hair bounced happily as she came through the doorway, walking quickly back to the car. Looking her over I realized she would be so pretty if she didn't smoke and drink every day. Her figure was nice even if it was small and wrinkly and she had beautiful green eyes, something I got from her that I was proud of. She was very eighties-groupie looking with long feathered hair and high-waisted jeans and her tendency to wear bright eye shadow didn't help that fact. She had weathered away from the years of abusing her body, but you could tell that she had once been a beautiful girl.

We drove down Main Street and took two lefts coming to the street of our new home. It had been my grandparent's house, the home which my mom had grown up in. They had passed away when I was young and had left it to my uncle who had lived in it until recently. He had been hired for a better job in San Diego and had to move pretty quickly. My mom saw it as an opportunity, I saw it as an end to my dreams.

I pulled into the cracked stained driveway and noticed the bushes and plants in front of the house were all overgrown. The small ranch was a light sea foam green where it was even visible, with windows that folded out like glass mini blinds. Maybe with some work I could make this cute, maybe with a lot of work.

I put the car in park and got out. I walked around to the trunk, opening it and scooping out just my bag of necessities. "I will unload everything tomorrow," I informed my mom, exhaustedly, "I am just too tired."

"Sure baby no problem, I hope that there are some sheets on the bed for you at least." Lorraine answered, a little excitedly, but I was sure she was just looking forward to opening that bottle.

"Me too," I sighed unlocking the heavy door. I went inside only to be slapped in the face with hot stale air. My mom made a beeline straight past me to the kitchen, searching the cabinets for the glasses. She found one in no time, popped the cork out of her bottle and poured herself her first drink.

I looked around the house observing all of the ugly outdated furniture while searching each room for the existence of any air conditioners. I found a unit in the living room and one in each of the bedrooms. Thankfully, I turned them all on high to get the temperature comfortable and the air moving inside the house. The house was small but had two bedrooms so I took the smaller room for myself and threw my little bag on the white wicker dresser. I went back out to the hallway and found the linen closet which to my surprise actually had clean sheets in it. I set my bed up and immediately crashed in it. As I drifted off to sleep I heard my mother on the phone happy and loud.

"Gem, it's me! We're back in town!" I heard my mom exclaim to her old best friend. "Yes I know, I know. I should have warned you," she laughed as the hum of the A/C was like a lullaby singing me to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

I opened my eyes to the dingy mauve painted walls and the smell of staleness hit my nose. It didn't take long for me to remember where I was. I groaned and stretched before moving my feet to the pea green carpet. My new home looked as if it hadn't been updated since the '70s. Some of the walls even had shiny, slightly peeling wallpaper on them. My plan for the day was to clean and sanitize this house so that I could feel comfortable enough to start unpacking my things. I had managed to put most of my belongings into a storage unit back in Los Angeles, with the hopes that this would be a temporary move, but I did have a few boxes and bags with me that I needed to unpack.

I decided to make a coffee to give myself the jump start I needed to get the cleaning underway and searched the pantry, smiling when I came across an unopened can. Once the most important thing was taken care of I located the cleaning products and got to work. By 2 p.m. I had scrubbed and disinfected almost everything in the place and had just collapsed on the couch when Lorraine decided to wake up.

"Hey Ashley…. wow you've been working hard," my mother commented looking all around, "this whole house smells like bleach." She looked all disheveled and I assumed she probably hadn't gone to bed until right before I woke up.

"Yeah, I wanted to get it to a place where I was comfortable enough to unpack," I cringed thinking about the crap that had come off of some of the things I cleaned.

"Do you want coffee? I'll make some." she offered shuffling into the kitchen in her slippers and too short nightgown.

"No thanks Ma," I replied getting up and slipping out the back sliding doors to sit down outside in peace. It was hot stagnant air out there but worth the escape. I sat for a little while with the sun tanning my legs. It wasn't humid so it was tolerable for a while and even felt nice. I glanced around the small backyard which looked like an overgrown forest. Layers and layers of vines were climbing all over the fence along with various other plants or weeds or things that I really couldn't identify. The grass in the yard itself was almost a foot tall, with patches even higher in some spots. Everything about this house and town seemed so overwhelming.

When I was growing up here I loved it. It was before my mom started to drink. Actually she always drank only I never really noticed until after we moved. Maybe it was my dad's death that made her spiral into drinking all the time. Then failed relationships, living with a teenager, job stress, you name it she had a reason, an excuse. But anyways, I loved living here. I was little so I played outside all the time, I loved to go explore and pretend I was a princess of a beautiful flower filled kingdom or a knight in battle. I was an only child so I liked being alone. My dad was a mechanic and part of a motorcycle club. That's how my mom and Gemma became best friends, Gemma's husband at the time was part of the club. My dad would work all the time on his motorcycle in our driveway and then take me on long rides through the countryside. I had a bright yellow helmet and loved the feel of the air whipping my fine blonde hair all around, stinging my face. I was a daddy's girl. I did have a good relationship with my mom but mostly had stars in my eyes for my dad. I had a few friends at school, but their mom's wouldn't really let them come and play very often because my dad was a biker. I never really understood that much, maybe they knew my mom drank, I don't know. Sometimes you don't notice the bad when you are a kid. That's a quality I wish I still had.

The friends I did have were Gemma's son Jax and his best friend Opie whose dad was also in the club. They were a couple of years older than me though so they would usually want to go off on their own a lot too. But there were times when they seemed to forget I was a girl and let me hang out with them while our parents did whatever in the house. They would stick up for me too kind of like older brothers. One time I was riding my bike and I saw a turtle on the road. I pulled to the side and threw my bike down on the grass, rushing to move the turtle before a car could hit it. When the turtle had been rescued I turned around and saw Johnny Carlson taking off on my bike laughing. I screamed at him but it didn't help. I ran crying all the way home, tripping several times, getting gravel and scratches in the heel of my hand and my knee. The front door was locked so I had peeked through the window only to see my parents and their friends sitting at the table smoking, laughing and being loud. I wasn't sure all that was going on but they didn't hear me. I sat on the front stoop and cried. After what seemed like forever Gemma's son Jax came riding up in my driveway. He had ran over to me and put his arm around my shoulder, leaning me into him. As soon as I told him what had happened he took off on his bike leaving me alone again. Later that night once I had finally gotten in my house and bandaged my cuts my doorbell rang. When I answered it my bike was sitting there. The next day Gemma was telling my mom that Jax had punched Johnny in the nose and broken it to get my bike back. I pedaled so fast over to his house to see if he was ok and to thank him. That was the day….

"Hey, whatcha doin?" my mom called from the sliders interrupting my thoughts.

"Ah, just getting a little sun," I stretched and sat up.

My mom walked over and sat down next to me with her coffee and cigarettes. I shifted in my chair which consisted of an older plastic folding chair with strips of plastic weaved together. It had made big imprints on the backs of my thighs. I didn't feel very comfortable being near my mom lately. I was losing the respect I should have for her because of all she was doing to herself. I was always looking for things to do to not be around her. So her wanting to hang outside with me was not what I wanted to be doing.

"Gemma's coming over to help me unpack and maybe we'll go shopping to stock this place up," my mom informed me, "she can't wait to see you. The last time she saw you, you were just a kid, before you had perky boobies and legs up to your eyeballs!"

"Geez mom, don't talk about my boobs, that's just weird," I said. It would be nice to see Gemma though, it might improve this situation a little. Gemma smoked and drank too, but not like my mom, she could handle herself. She was tough but loving and she looked after everyone like she was the mother hen. Everyone knew not to cross her, or else they would find out the hard way. But she always had a way of making me feel comfortable and like I belonged.

"Ah be quiet, I can brag about you if I want. I did make you remember so you can thank me for those things." She responded pointing at said things, "besides, they will help get you laid and you could really use that lately." She stated taking a drag of her cigarette.

"Alright I am done with this conversation," I stood up and went back inside sighing.

As I walked back inside the doorbell rang. I walked over and opened it up knowing who was on the other side.

"Hey Gemma," I smiled opening the door.

"Wow, is that really you? Your mom told me you were all grown up now but you changed so much, come here," she said hugging me.

"You look exactly the same, except for the highlights, I love them," I stated pulling back.

"I guess that's a good thing. Ashley, we are going to have to toughen you up babygirl, these men in Charming are going to eat you alive." Gemma slapped my arm. Here we go.

"Gemma!" my mom had come inside and shouted at her friend. She ran over and they hugged.

"Lorraine, I am so glad you're back. It's been too long and I have been surrounded by too many men."

"That's not a bad thing," my mom responded. "You have to introduce me to them."

Oh boy, I thought. Well some things never change. My mom and Gemma sat around the kitchen table for hours smoking and catching up. I went to the grocery store to pick up food and other necessities and when I came home they were still there. I made a quick dinner for all of us and then excused myself to my room. I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes dreaming of what I would be doing in L.A. I would save all my money from my waitressing job and then I would open my little flower store. I would go to work happily every day, smelling the fresh flowers, arranging them, dancing around the store. I would help customers pick out the perfect bouquet to bring a smile to their loved one. Then when I closed for the day I would…

"Ash, Ash?" my mom called through the door.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"We're going out, don't wait up," she informed me.

"Ok." I closed my eyes again. Shaking off any thoughts of her return later and the situation I was in.

…When I closed for the day I would go home to my adorable craftsman style house that was decorated almost like it was right out of a home decorating TV show. My gorgeous husband would be waiting for me. He would have ordered take out since we both worked a long day…


	3. Chapter 3

****Thanks for the review! I am sorry if it's a little slow, this is my first story so...hope you're enjoying it and would love to hear from you guys! - I don't own any characters from SOA****

I woke up the next morning to the sound of banging and hacking coming from outside my window. Who would be doing yard work this early on a Saturday? I lay there for a few minutes hoping that the noises would stop. When they didn't I groaned and sat up on the edge of the bed, scratching my head groggily. Everything seemed to get quiet for a moment, until I heard my mom's voice, and then Gemma's, coming from the same direction as the banging had been. They were yelling and laughing and just being way too loud for 9 a.m. I realized as I glanced at my clock. I curiously padded my way over to my window and peaked out of my mini blinds. I rubbed the sleep out of the corners of my eyes to make sure I was seeing things correctly. To my left sat my mom and Gemma in those ugly woven plastic thigh-scarring chairs, legs propped up on upside down buckets, cigarette in one hand, coffee in the other and it appeared they were giving orders to two men. One of them would bark out something, take a drag, then they would look at each other and laugh hysterically. Then the other woman would do the same. The two men were hacking down the vines and long grass, shaking their heads and wiping their foreheads with the backs of their hands. The two men were shirtless with tattoos on their backs and arms and were wearing only jeans and sneakers. The taller man had long brown hair in a pony tail and a long beard. He was built, but the shorter one, who was still very tall maybe about 6 foot, had a body like someone you would only see in movies. I rubbed my eyes again for a better view. His chest was perfect, his arms were perfect, his blond hair was pushed back behind his ears and he had a slight amount of facial hair to make him look all rugged and sexy. So hot.

"Shut up Ma or we're not going to finish," he yelled to Gemma as she was laughing with my mom. Oh my God I just realized who these two were.

After the initial shock wore off, I quickly looked at myself in the mirror and panicked. I looked like I had fought with a wild bear and lost and it would only be a matter of time until someone came inside. I scrambled around my room and changed out of my pajamas and into white shorts, a loose fitting black tank top and black flip flops. I brushed my hair and threw it up into a pony tail since I didn't have any time to do it. I left my room and made my first left into the bathroom that was between my room and my mom's. I closed the door and quickly washed my face, brushed my teeth, sprayed some body spray and applied some mascara to make me look more awake. I can't believe my mom didn't warn me that people were going to be here. And shirtless man people at that!

I opened the door and hurriedly stepped out bumping head first into a hard brown t-shirted chest. (Yes, sadly the shirts were on now.) I glanced up and saw Opie grinning down at me.

"Hey Ashley, look at you," he grinned, picking me up and hugging me in a swift bear hug.

"Hey Opie, it's been so long. You are so…adult!" I exclaimed as he put me down. I really couldn't get how he was an actual man, a man with a beard and tattoos. In my memories he was a tall skinny brown haired boy with a sad face. He always looked like he had just lost his puppy, but he was really a peaceful and sweet kid. He was a great listener and a loyal friend.

"Yes it has and yes I am. An adult with a house, a job, a wife and two kids," he informed me with a sweet smile. "And you're not the little scrawny legged tag-along you used to be." He laughed looking me up and down.

"Thanks I guess," I smiled and felt embarrassed. It was really good to see him, very familiar and comfortable. But I felt sad for a moment realizing I was not an adult with a house, a job, a husband or any kids. I was an adult who was destined to look after her mom as she withered away.

"You'll have to come by and meet my wife Donna. You will like her and I'm sure you'll want to hang with women more your age," he chuckled as he glanced back towards the door.

"Sounds great," I replied. He excused himself into the bathroom to wash his hands as I just stood there and stared at him, shocked at how much he had changed.

"Stop staring at me," he nudged my arm playfully as he came out of the bathroom, "come on and say hi to Jax." He walked past me and waved me on. I suddenly felt very nervous, not knowing why but probably because of what I had seen before through my window. I followed him around the corner as Jax (with a plain white t-shirt on now, to my disappointment) had just come in from outside. His head was down and he was scrolling through his phone.

"Jax," Opie said trying to get his attention.

He looked up at me for a second and then it seemed to register in his head, a look of surprise spreading across his face.

"Wow, Ashley," was all he said. Wow is right I thought. Geez. He had always been good looking, as a kid he had short blond hair and blue eyes that sparkled with mischief and playfulness, a cute face and smirk that could get the female teachers to love him no matter how he acted. Now though, he was something different, he was tall, muscular, rugged and manly and...

"Hey Jax," I answered a little too slowly.

"How have you been darlin'?" he asked walking over and hugging me into him with one arm. He smelled so good despite working outside all day. Deodorant, musky, cigarettes, man smell, I don't really know but it was so nice. He let me go and just as I went to respond my mom and Gemma came in from outside.

"Oh Ashley you're up, we couldn't wait for you guys to see each other," my mom said. I cringed just thinking of what the conversation had been while I was still asleep.

And then, just as quickly as it started, it ended. Jax's phone rang and he left the room quickly to go answer it. I wondered to myself if maybe he was married too. I made myself a coffee and sat down with my mom and Gemma at the kitchen table while Opie stood and leaned against the wall. He had a strange concerned look on his face and kept stroking his hand down his beard. He would slightly grin when he would catch me looking at him. I tried to join Gemma's conversation with my mom to distract myself, but did notice him begin to pace a little until Jax came back into the room.

"Sorry guys we gotta go," Jax told us as he entered the room, looking up at Opie with that same concerned look on his face. Opie quickly went over to him and they whispered to each other and then grabbed some vests from the sofa that I didn't see before. When they slipped them on I realized that they were now in the same motorcycle club my dad had belonged to. I wasn't sure what to think about that. I also wasn't sure what to think about how they were acting.

"We'll catch up soon," Jax said to me as they waved and hurried out the front door. I heard the sound of their motorcycles start up and fade away as they drove down the road.

"Well at least they were able to clear most of the weeds from out back. Soon maybe we can have a barbeque or something." My mom stated oblivious to any hints of emergency that I was picking up on. "It was nice bossing them around and getting them all worked up too."

Gemma had a concerned face as well. She reached for another smoke out of her pack and went to light it up. "Huh…yeah that was nice."

"Glad you guys had so much fun this morning," I laughed uneasily, I did still kind of wish I had woken up a little earlier and heard what had been going on.

"We definitely did," my mom laughed. They looked at each other and laughed some more and it seemed like Gemma was back to normal.

"So Ashley, I told your mom I am having a dinner tomorrow night and I want you guys to come," Gemma started, "a lot of club members and their families will be there. You guys are part of our family too and it will be a great way to meet some people in town. And see some you might remember."

My stomach flipped. I wasn't really sure why it did that. Maybe it was because of the thought of my mom drinking in public around the only people I knew here while I watched and tried to do damage control. Or maybe it was the thought of Jax and seeing him again so soon. All I knew is I preferred to stay home where it was safe and I could control what happened. But I knew there was no saying no to Gemma.

"Sure sounds great," I lied.


	4. Chapter 4

****Thanks to everyone who reviewed, it means A LOT-it will be a few days before I update again because of a busy weekend ahead but I promise to ASAP****

I woke up the next morning feeling conflicted about going to the dinner. I'm sure it sounded easy enough to the average person and I was sure I should be excited to go, but something inside me felt uneasy. I did make sure to carefully plan what I would wear, just in case Jax was not married and maybe I could get his attention a little. I decided to go with an off white sundress with my brown knee high cowgirl boots. I let my hair hang down in long waves and put just a little makeup on. I waited for my mom to get ready with a knot forming in my stomach.

Last night she had gone out alone. She said she was meeting someone but I really think she just went out looking to meet someone. I had heard her come stumbling in at 4am and she had knocked a lamp off the end table. I got up and checked her room and found her passed out laying sideways on the end of her bed. It was a relatively easy night compared to many but it just made me realize that even moving back to her home town wasn't slowing her down.

I had managed to let her sleep in until 3pm and kept her busy getting ready for the dinner so she hadn't managed to drink anything yet. That made me feel a little better about the way things might go tonight.

I lay back on my bed while I waited and closed my eyes. I thought about sitting on the beach by the ocean, my favorite place in the world. With my naked toes dug slightly in the sand and the water spraying on my legs as it gently crashed at the shore. So calm and peaceful. Ugh, if I kept doing this I would fall asleep, so I got up and went to check on how my mom was doing.

I found her in the bathroom applying her blue makeup. She had feathered her ashy brown hair back, applied a generous amount of Aqua Net (yes they still make that stuff) and was wearing tight jeans with heels and a blouse showing a lot of cleavage. Oh boy.

"You almost ready?" I asked her, fidgeting with the bottom of my dress.

"Yep, just about," she answered as she eyed me in the mirror, "You look nice sweetie."

"Thanks Ma," I said. I turned and went out to the kitchen and grabbed the salad I had made to bring to Gemma's. I sat at the counter on the bar stool anxiously tapping my foot.

"Let's go!" my mom announced as she grabbed her jeans jacket, slinging it over her shoulder and heading out the door.

The ride over to Gemma's was quiet. I tried to psych myself up mentally to have fun. Why wasn't I able to just enjoy life and have a good time? I thought way too much I decided.

It was going to be a little weird seeing Gemma with Clay now. Before we had moved she had been married to Jax's dad John Teller. Jax's little brother Tommy had just died the year before. It had been devastating. Tommy was the only person that I ever knew who had died until my father, and he was only 6. Then John died after we moved to LA and Jax was 15. I remember my mom going to the funeral and then going to the wedding when Gemma had married Clay. She never took me with her and had left me with my aunt. I couldn't even imagine all that Gemma and Jax had gone through. But Gemma was such a strong woman who never showed a moment of weakness, she didn't let it destroy her. My mom and her were so different in that way.

When we arrived there were only a few cars parked outside. My mom walked right inside and I took my time locking the car and stalling my entrance. When I finally made it I found my mom already in the kitchen with Gemma who was rushing around trying to finish making her huge dinner for so many people.

"Hey Ash!" Gemma said turning around with oven mitted hands.

"Hi Gemma, it smells delicious in here," I greeted her, kissing her on the cheek.

"Doesn't it?" my mom said while trying to help by moving things around for her.

"Just throw that salad in the fridge babygirl," Gemma told me, pointing at where I needed to go. "Donna is here with the kids out back, grab a beer and go meet her. I am sure she would love the company, she's not too found of hanging out with me and the boys haven't made it here yet."

I offered my help and she declined so I grabbed a beer and left her and my mom in the kitchen and made my way out back. I saw Donna sitting at the outside table drinking a beer as her little toddlers ran around the yard. She looked up at me and smiled.

"You must be Ashley," she said, "I'm Donna."

"Nice to meet you," I said sitting down next to her.

"I heard so much about you last night when Opie was telling me you moved back into town." She said with a grin.

"I can only imagine," I laughed and took a sip of my beer.

"Seriously though, I'll have to have you over. Charming is not the place it was when you were last here and it's better to have a friend to talk to," she continued.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"The club, it's just been taking a toll on me. I don't know, I guess I shouldn't have said anything," she said with a frown. "So what brings you back?" she glanced up at me and her face changed into a small smile again.

"Oh it's my mom, she wanted to go back to her roots I guess," I said smiling slightly at her and taking a long sip of my beer. "Your kids are adorable."

"Thanks!" she said suddenly perking up and looking over to them. "They are a handful but I love them!"

We heard the sound of motorcycles nearing and Donna sat up straighter. "Just a few more minutes," she yelled to her kids and wiped her brow, "What a killer week for you to move, this heat wave is destroying me," she grimaced.

"I know, it wasn't my brightest moment that's for sure," I said and we smiled at each other.

"Dinner time!" Gemma yelled from the sliders.

Donna rounded her kids up and we walked inside. The boys had shown up and were already sitting around a long banquet table. I took a seat next to my mom who was almost finished with her first vodka. Dinner was great with mostly the sound of silverware hitting the plates and some loud smack talking between the men. Clay and Piney said hello to me welcoming me back. I didn't recognize the others but they introduced themselves and said hello as well. I tried to look at Jax a few times and seemed to get caught by him each time so I would look away embarrassed. When dinner was over Donna and I took over for Gemma and my mom clearing the table and washing the dishes while everyone else went out back. I saw my mom through the glass pouring her second vodka. She didn't seem to be getting loud yet so I left her on her own. I could see Jax through the sliders too, smiling and laughing with the other guys. He looked really good when he smiled, showing his dimples, it just pulled you in.

Donna must have noticed that I was still stealing glances at Jax. "Jax has changed a lot you know," she told me, looking down at the dishes she was washing. I grabbed a towel and started drying the dishes she had finished. When I just looked at her questioningly she continued," he dated this girl Tara in high school after his dad died. They seemed like true high school sweet hearts just like me and Ope. Then, after high school, Tara went away to college to be a doctor and never looked back. It broke Jax's heart. Since then he has been the complete opposite sleeping with almost every girl in this town and never getting serious. Built himself quite the reputation."

"Wow," I said disappointed inside, "that's kind of sad."

"Yeah it's sad but I also don't like Opie being around a best friend like that. I trust Opie but you never know," she said, opening her eyes wide so that I could tell she was serious.

"Yeah I guess, I would think Opie would do the right thing by you though," I said wanting to end the conversation.

Donna kept talking about different ways the town had changed and I couldn't wait to be done and go outside. I needed to check on my mom and I wanted some fresh air. Any thought of excitement in being here had been quickly squashed. I grabbed another beer as Opie came in to talk to Donna and headed out back.

My mom was sitting on Bobby's lap laughing and throwing her head back and her chest out. She was a little louder than normal and it wouldn't be long until I needed to suggest going home. I sighed and looked away only to see Jax walking up to me with a smirk on his face.

"Told you I'd catch up with you," he smirked playfully at me.

"Yes you did," I said unable to stop the grin back, even with Donna's words still on my mind.

"So whatcha been up to girl?" he asked sitting down, patting the chair beside him.

"Oh, you know, just growing up."

"Yeah, I noticed," he said grinning, his eyes twinkling. "So how does Charming look, still the same?"

"No, it seems much smaller," I told him.

"Ha," he laughed into his beer. "Yeah I guess it would be."

We sat there quietly for a second, I wasn't sure what to say. He was leaning back in the chair with his long legs stretched out in front of him.

"Remember when I got your bike back for you?" he asked looking straight at me.

"Yeah I do," I blushed and looked away. The day after he had gotten my bike back for me I had ridden over to his house to make sure he was ok. He came outside and didn't have a mark on him which made me so relieved. I had told him thank you and gave him a hug. Then I looked up at him and kissed him on the lips. I was so embarrassed that I ran to my bike and rode home in a rush. I was eleven and he was thirteen. A few days later my dad had a heart attack and passed away. I'm sure he was at the funeral but I don't remember him there or ever seeing him after the day I kissed him.

"So much shit has happened since then," he said thoughtfully taking another sip of his beer and looking out into space.

"Yeah," I said not knowing what to say. He had practically brought up our kiss and now he was backing away.

My mom's laughs were carrying through the air. I looked over and she had strewn herself over Bobby's lap looking up at him and stroking his face. Ugh. It was time for us to go.

"Hey Jackie Boy, Clay needs to talk to you," Chibs came up and said, nodding hello to me and giving me my chance to escape.

"Ok, be right there," Jax responded wiping his hands on his pants and standing up.

"I think we are going to head home soon," I said to him.

"Ok, don't be a stranger," he said as he backed away and smirked.

My stomach flipped and I turned before he could see it in my face. I could feel his eyes on me as he watched me with my mom. I was so embarrassed as she pleaded to stay. But fortunately she was still happy drunk so I was able to get her to leave without making too much of a scene.

When we made it home I felt as if a weight was off my shoulders. With my mom in bed I was able to lay down and relax. Tomorrow would be a new day. A new beginning. It would be the day I needed to start making things happen.


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up feeling happy and excited. I wasn't sure why but I knew I needed to get out of my rut and start my new life. If it had to be here then I would just make the best of it.

I showered and got dressed for the day, made coffee, ate breakfast and then logged onto the internet to look for a job. After seeing the very short list of work that was online for Charming, I decided that driving around town might be a better idea.

I parked on Main Street and decided it was better to walk up and down the street to look for signs in the windows. I had made it all the way up one side and halfway down the other and I hadn't seen even one help wanted sign. Then I came up to the front of a store called "The Little Flower Shop" so I decided to go in regardless of if there was a sign. It was a very tiny store but every wall was completely filled. Bouquets of flowers were on display in the front window on Romanesque pillars of various sizes. Everything was decorated in green, pink and gold dots and stripes. Along the back and right wall were refrigerators filled with buckets of fresh flowers. To my left was a long wooden counter with an older man sitting behind it. He was on a stool reading the newspaper but put it down when he heard the bell ring as I came in.

"Can I help you?" he asked, pushing up his glasses and standing up.

"Hi, I'm Ashley and I was just wondering if you were looking for any help?" I asked as my feet shifted nervously beneath me.

"Actually I have been looking for someone for the mornings to put together delivery orders each day. You have to be able to work occasional weekends though and it doesn't pay much more than minimum wage to start," he told me.

"That sounds perfect," I said with a gracious smile on my face.

"Great, my name is Bill, you can come tomorrow morning at 7 am and we will start you training with Amanda. Make sure you bring your ID so we can do your paperwork," he told me, sitting back down and getting back to his paper.

"Thank you so much Bill, I'll see you tomorrow," I said happily as I left. I didn't care how much it paid, it was what I wanted to be doing. I would save as much as I could towards having my own store one day. I would be able to learn everything I needed to know, plus I would be home in the evenings for my mom. I was finally starting to feel like I was accomplishing something. I couldn't believe how easy it had been to find the perfect job. Things were changing for me.

I stopped at the grocery store on my way home and picked up some steak and vegetables for side dishes. I figured I would make my mom and I a nice dinner to celebrate my new job. When I got home I cheerfully started preparing the food, humming and dancing around, unaware that I was even doing it. I tried calling her cell phone to make sure she would be home in time from wherever she was. After 45 minutes of trying to reach her I figured she was probably not be coming home until late. So I opened up a bottle of wine for me to celebrate my new job and had dinner alone.

After I was done eating and cleaning up I got into my jammies then poured myself another glass of wine and sat down on the couch. I watched two romance movies which were both so emotional I was breaking down for almost three hours straight. Finally I couldn't take any more and headed into my room for the night. I must have only started to doze off when I heard my mom come home. At least I thought it was just my mom until I heard a man's voice as well. My mom's voice was slurring and loud, I wanted to go out of my room but was afraid I would be interrupting something that I really wouldn't want to see. I heard her bedroom door shut and then someone walk through the house and out the front door. I decided it was safe to go out and I quickly headed towards the windows at the front of the house to see who it had been. As I looked through the blinds I saw Jax get into a truck with Opie. He must have driven my mom home in her car and had Opie follow him. I was so humiliated. Where had my mom been that she got so drunk that they saw her like that and had to drive her home? It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to handle her and she wasn't supposed to get so out of hand that someone else had to get involved. I was so done, I went to bed and cried myself to sleep.

* * *

It had been a week and I still hadn't seen Jax or Opie. I knew my mom couldn't have made too huge of a scene because she was still going out and meeting up with Gemma. I had been taking my mind off of things by distracting myself with my new job and trying to make a good impression with Bill. I was even already able to make the bouquet orders on my own. Amanda seemed pretty nice, she wasn't as thrilled to be working as I was but she kept me company and showed me what to do. Bill had decided to let us be on our own for the day since I was already doing so well.

"So do you want to go to the diner after work?" Amanda asked me as we were giving the delivery boy, Freddie the last of the orders for the day.

"Of course, I'm starved," I said with a friendly smile.

"Great, I can't wait to get out of here so I'm going to start locking up now, just make sure Freddie has everything," she told me heading to the back.

I grabbed my purse and went over to the delivery truck to make sure Freddie had all the orders. "Got 'em boss," he said playfully as I approached. "Just making sure," I responded and tilted my head like a mom. I waited for her out front while she locked the doors and set the alarm. As I was waiting I heard the sound of motorcycles coming down the street. I turned around as one pulled up and stopped right in front of the store. It was Jax.

"Hey darlin, you working here now?" he asked me with a sideways smile. I relaxed thinking the other night couldn't have been too bad.

"Yeah I just started a few days ago," I answered biting my lip. He grinned and then directed his gaze to something behind me.

"Hey Amanda," he nodded to Amanda who was glaring at him from behind me.

"Hey," she answered abruptly then looked at me, "you ready to go?"

"Yeah sure," I said. "We're going out to eat so I guess I'll see you around."

"Definitely," he said with another smile before he started his bike and rode away.

Amanda had walked briskly to her car and was already in the driver's seat waiting for me. When I got in she was all annoyed and staring out her window.

"Why is Jax Teller looking for you?" she asked me, turning her gaze to meet my face.

"I don't think he was looking for me, I think he just saw me," I answered.

"Well how do you know him?" she questioned growing more annoyed.

"His mom and my mom are friends, that's all."

"Well don't let Bill see you talking to him, he'll pop a hemorrhoid…besides do you realize what kind of illegal things he's into?" she stared at me wide eyed, not blinking for effect. "You don't do you? Well you don't want to be caught up with him trust me."

"Illegal things? What are you talking about?" now I was really starting to wonder about this place, what kind of illegal things could be happening in this hole in the wall town? I think the women here were just very dramatic and maybe needed to live in a big city so they could see what it was like in the real world.

"SAMCRO runs this town," she informed me, "It's good and it's bad. Bill doesn't like them because he has to pay them as a small business owner for protection. Basically so that he's allowed to stay in business. They keep the drugs and gangs out of the town but the way they do it is another story. And Jax? He's hot but he will use you without even asking your name and you'll never see him again. Trust me."

Ahhh, that was it. I wasn't sure what to make of what she was telling me but it sounded like what Donna said made some sense, obviously Amanda had been with him and probably many more girls in this town. And the way Amanda was all upset that he was coming around and talking to me instead of her only told me that she was a woman scorned.

"So where's this diner we're going to eat at? I'm starving." I said facing forward and looking to end that conversation.


	6. Chapter 6

*****Thanks HGRHfan35 for the review, you are too funny. Hope you guys like this one*****

Ring….ring….my house phone was going off and my mom was not grabbing it for some reason. I ran to the kitchen before I missed it and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey…Ashley? It's Donna, I hope you don't mind I got your number from Gemma," Donna said. It was Friday night and I was just getting home from work.

"Hi Donna what's up?" I answered curiously.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight for a few beers?"

As much as I really didn't want to hear about how bad Charming was anymore I decided it would be more fun than sitting home alone again.

"Sure just let me know when," I answered and we decided on 9:00.

I had on black shorts and a red flowy tank top but I decided to throw on a light hoodie because it had been getting chilly at night now. I freshened up my makeup from earlier and headed over to Donna's house.

By the time I got there Donna had put the kids to sleep and was making nachos for us to snack on.

"Hope you like Corona," she sang placing one in my hand.

"Love it," I smiled at her and sat down at her kitchen table.

"I think it goes great with super nachos," she stated joining me. "So how's it going so far, are you settled in?

"We're getting there…not feeling like home yet but I'm sure that will come," I said grabbing a nacho.

"Yeah, I remember when me and Ope first got this place. It was surreal for a while. But exciting because we were happy to be out of our parents houses." She said, then making a sheepish face like she was sorry to rub it in.

"I can't wait for the day," I said with a little laugh, trying to keep it light.

"They are having a party at the clubhouse tonight," she started, switching the subject, "I hate to say it, but I'm a little anxious thinking about it. Those things get really out of control and I trust Opie but I don't trust the girls that hang around that place. I'm glad you came over though, it will keep me from obsessing over it."

"I wouldn't worry about it, anyone can see how much he loves you." I tried to make her laugh and told her the story of them clearing my yard as Gemma and my mom ordered them around. She relaxed some and started telling me some good stories about them too. We sat at the kitchen table eating and drinking beers for a couple of hours. It was comfortable, like we had already been friends for a long time. We talked about everything, our hopes and dreams, the movies and music we liked, and even stupid meaningless things that seemed to get increasingly hilarious the more we drank. As we were giggling about one of those stupid things and I'm pretty sure I heard Donna snort, Opie and Jax walked in. It totally caught us both off guard and I think I might have even seen some beer come out of Donna's nose.

"Well, well, well," Jax said as he came swaggering in behind Opie, a playful smirk on his face.

"What the hell is going on here?" Opie asked smiling big with his hands on his hips like he caught us doing something wrong.

"Nothing Ope, just filling Ashley in on everything that she's missed," Donna grinned back mischievously.

"Oh, maybe we should leave then, we might not be safe here," he said and grabbed a beer for him and Jax out of the fridge.

"Very funny," Donna said and stood up to kiss him. Jax took the beer from Opie, twisted the cap off and sat next to me at the table.

"So is this what you girls do for fun on a Friday night? Talk about us?" Jax asked flirtatiously, taking a sip of his beer. I looked to Donna but Opie must have pulled her out of the room.

"We also talked about how cheese puffs are made and why glue doesn't stick to the inside of it's bottle," I informed him matter of factly.

"Sounds very exciting," he said raising his eyebrows and nodding obnoxiously.

"It wasn't," I laughed. "So what were you guys up to tonight?" I asked knowing I probably really didn't want to know the answer.

"We just had to work late and then it was someone's birthday at the clubhouse so we stayed and had a few beers. How do you like working at the flower shop?" he asked switching the subject.

"I really like it, it's my dream to have my own shop one day so I love being there."

"Really? Huh," he said thoughtfully. Opie and Donna came back into the kitchen and I noticed how buzzed she really was. She was smiling and bubbly and happy.

"I'll make some coffee" she said as Opie sat down across from Jax. "So, how was the party?" she asked him.

"It was very uneventful, we were glad to get out of there," Opie answered looking at Jax. Even with my buzz I noticed that maybe he was hiding something.

"I'm glad you got out of there too," she said setting the coffee pot and mugs on the table.

I felt a little awkward but soon they were all engrossed in conversation. I was mostly listening because of not knowing who and what they were talking about. The coffee seemed to help whatever buzz I was having fade away and it started to be replaced with sleepiness.

"Yeah," Jax said into his phone that hadn't seemed to ring as he stood up from the table and headed to the other room.

Opie said he'd be right back and followed after Jax even though Donna had been hanging on him happily. She sighed and started to clean up so I helped her.

"Hey Donna, the alarm is going off at the shop so Clay wants us to go check it out," Opie said as he came back into the room. He walked up behind her and put his arms around her. Jax had come in behind him.

"Really? You guys have to go? What about everyone at the party?" she questioned.

"The party is over, Clay is just thinking someone didn't set it properly so hopefully I'll be right back," he told her.

Jax looked at me, "Are you alright getting home?"

"Yeah I'm good, just a little tired," I said, a little glad I had a good excuse to get going.

"Ok, I'll give you my number, just text me that you got home alright. It's kind of late and you never know who's on the road," he said sounding fatherly.

"Here Jax," Donna offered him a paper and pen, looking at me with a curious face. He wrote down his number and I took it and said goodbye before they left so I wouldn't have to answer any of Donna's unasked questions.

I got home in less than five minutes, it seemed like there was no one on the roads. I went inside and headed straight for bed. Even though the thought of him being such a womanizer turned me off I couldn't help smiling thinking of him. I got in bed and texted him. "Got home safe." I waited a few minutes then put my cell on my side table when he didn't answer. I closed my eyes and heard my phone vibrate.

"K good. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

* * *

I had to work Saturday which I didn't mind at all. It went by really fast and when I got home at 5:15 I wasn't surprised to find the house empty. I microwaved myself some popcorn and decided to make it another lazy pajama movie night. I grabbed my huge bowl of popcorn and a soda and headed to my room this time. I put on my pink and navy striped pajama shorts and thin pink tank top to get completely comfortable. I opened my window to feel the cool evening breeze on my skin. This time I decided to go with comedies, even though I like crying just to cry sometimes (I swear it lets the stress out) I just didn't want to go through a whole box of Kleenex again. When I was into my third movie and feeling like a zombie, I started hearing the normal noise of my mom coming home. I was so relaxed that I took my time getting up to check on her. When I got to my door I could hear her talking.

"You are so sexy, why don't you just stay with me a little while?" my mom was slurring to someone.

"You should really get some sleep," my heart dropped when I realized it was Jax.

"Come on, what you don't like older women? I could show you things you've never seen before," she pleaded with him. I began to panic and started to open my door.

"Goodnight Lorraine," he answered and I saw him come out of her room with his head down, pulling the door closed behind him. He looked up when he noticed me standing in the hallway and locked eyes with me, a look of embarrassment in them that I had overheard what just went on. I was pissed. I barged into her room.

"Mom it's really time for you to go to sleep," I walked over to her bed and covered her with the blanket probably a little too forcefully.

"What's the matter, you worried I'll get laid before you do?" she slurred mockingly. Great, as if this night could get any worse, she was tanked.

"No, but I think you have had enough for one day," I responded knowing I should have just walked away.

"You don't tell me when I've had enough, you little self righteous bitch," and with that I walked out of the room and shut her door. I heard the sound of something hitting the back of her door, probably her shoe.

Jax was standing in the hallway leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and legs crossed at the ankle. He straightened up when I came out of the room. I never noticed how tall he really was until now. I turned my head away from his inquisitive stare.

"I really wish you wouldn't bring her home anymore, I will go pick her up wherever she is," I started with him, looking at the floor.

"I don't mind Ashley and I don't want you to have to come out this late if you don't have to," he said with a serious look on his face, his eyes bore into mine obviously searching my face to see if this was normal for us. I was angry, this was not his problem to deal with. I did not want to be anyone's burden.

"You stupid bitch always trying to steal my men!" my mom shouted out, pushing me towards my breaking point.

"No really Jax, I appreciate it I do but I don't want you getting involved," I said trying to get my point across without angering him. All I wanted was to get him out of there fast. I couldn't look him in the eyes because I was barely holding it together. I was so mortified. I started walking past him so that he would follow me to the front door and he grabbed my arm as I tried to pass. I wouldn't look at him and tried to walk again but he just pulled me back towards him, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me into his body. My head was trapped in the nook of his chest and arm and I started to cry silently into his shirt sleeve. I would have been able to handle this and keep my shit together if he hadn't just made me acknowledge it to him. I was scared to look up at him, knowing he knew my secret and that the tears still lingering in my eyes would betray me and whatever dysfunction I was still able to hide.

"Ashley!" my mom shouted.

I pushed back from him.

"You should go," I said looking at him but not able to make eye contact. He nodded and I could see his jaw clench and relax… and then he turned around and left.


	7. Chapter 7

****Ok so this was originally supposed to be two chapters...I know my chapters are pretty short so I made it one longer one. I hope it flows well and doesn't jump around too much. Thanks for my new reviews! You guys are great, I'm learning from your comments and really appreciate them!****

A few days went by and I didn't hear from or see Jax. It only made me feel worse about what had happened. I wondered if he had told Gemma that my mom had tried to have sex with him. That would ruin my mom's friendship with her for sure and send her towards rock bottom when we had barely been here a month. I figured I had either pissed him off by telling him nicely to butt out or had scared him away when he got a glimpse into my dysfunctional life.

My mom had woken up that Sunday and acted like nothing had happened the night before. She usually didn't remember anything she did when she was that drunk and if you tried to bring it up or tell her she would get angry and deny it. I was off so I knew she didn't go anywhere that day. She mostly just slept it off and kept it low key.

For the past few days I had been working and trying to keep busy to keep my mind off of things. I didn't want to over analyze but I couldn't seem to keep my thoughts from drifting back to that night and Jax leaving. I felt terrible about the whole thing from beginning to end.

When I got home from work on Thursday my mom had left me a note saying she was out shopping with Gemma. I felt a slight sense of relief knowing that Jax had not said anything about my mom's advances. I hoped he realized she really didn't mean them. I had just put my purse down when I got a call from Donna. She wanted me to go out to eat with her and the kids. I jumped at the opportunity wanting to get out of my house and also maybe get some info on Jax. Donna picked me up and we went to a local family friendly restaurant where the kids could be kids and we wouldn't have to deal with other patrons stares when they crawled under the table or leaned over the booth to see who was on the other side.

"Thanks for coming out with us," she said after we had placed our orders.

"No problem, I'm glad you asked me, I would have had a boring night of sitting on the couch ahead of me," I said with a smile.

"Oh, well in that case we should go out more often," she said grinning, "this week has been so hard though with Opie being gone. The kids are a handful and I don't always like to ask his parents for help."

"Where's Opie?" I asked knowing this hopefully would answer why I haven't heard from Jax. Although I was scared to learn that it was just that he didn't want to deal with my shit.

"Oh, him and Jax had to go on a trip to get some foreign parts for a few high priority cars they are working on. Apparently it's hush hush because the owners of the cars are high profile people. I was thinking he would be home by now but apparently not," she informed me, "Have you and Jax been talking?"

"Not really," I said to her and realized maybe she was fishing for some information on where they were too.

"I hope I didn't scare you away from him," she started, "I just wanted to give you the heads up on his reputation since you just moved back. And I also wanted you to know how hard it is being with someone in the club."

"No, I'm glad you told me those things, but honestly there's nothing going on between us," I told her.

We ate and chatted for a while longer before we left. We stopped at a park on the way back to my house so the kids could play and hopefully tire themselves out. When she dropped me off at my house my mom's car still wasn't in the driveway.

"Let's hang out again soon!" Donna called as she was backing out.

"Ok," I said and waved goodbye.

* * *

My cell woke me up and I glanced at my clock. 2:12 am.

"Hello?" I croaked into the phone.

"Ashley can you pick me up?" my mom asked me.

"Sure mom, where are you?" I was glad she had the sense to actually call this time.

"I'm at Teller-Morrow, at the clubhouse," she said. Shit. So that's where she'd been hanging out. No wonder Jax kept bringing her home. "There are cops out tonight and I just don't want to chance it."

"No, I want you to call me mom, I'll always pick you up," I said hoping to get my point across to her.

I splashed some water on my face in an effort to wake myself up a little and headed over to where she was. I had forgotten all about the clubhouse. My dad used to bring us here sometimes when they had parties for the families. When I walked inside it looked practically the same as I remembered, only now it was littered with skanky women and drunk men, the side that I never saw. My mom spotted me right away and grabbed me before I had time to really look around.

"I'm so glad you're here. I have been wanting to leave for two hours now." She said holding my arm and hurrying outside. She didn't seem very drunk for once.

"You could have called me, is something wrong?" I asked her.

"No, I was just waiting for my friends to come and no one was around except for some crow eaters who were giving me the evil eye all night," my mom informed me.

"Crow eaters?" I asked.

"Yeah it's just a term for a woman who sleeps with SAMCRO's members."

Hmm, how would I approach this. "So what are you considered there? A friend?" I imagined she was most likely a crow eater. I'm sure it was hard for the originals to see her down there like that having known my dad so closely. I would think they would still have respect for him but who knows.

"Yeah I guess a friend," she answered.

"I don't know mom, maybe you should go to Gemma's house more or find something better to do than hang out there. It didn't look like a great place for you to be," I said hopefully.

"Gemma is married and I'm not," she said and then was silent the rest of the way home.

* * *

The next morning I decided I would walk back to Teller-Morrow and drive my mom's car back home. It wasn't too far, definitely less than a mile and the weather seemed perfect. As I turned the corner into the shop I spotted her car pretty close by so I figured I could just get in it and leave, avoiding all chances of receiving a judgmental stare. But as I approached it I didn't get so lucky.

"Ashley!" Gemma shouted. She was leaning out the office door and when I looked up at her she motioned me to come in with her finger.

I walked into the office and she sat down behind a desk reclining a little in her chair and crossed her legs.

"Have a seat," she said motioning to a chair near me. I felt like I was getting in trouble for some reason.

"Hi Gemma," I said with a polite smile, trying to lighten the mood.

"So Ashley, how are you doing?" she asked me leaning forward on her elbows, her hands together tucked beneath her chin.

"I'm doing great, I got a job at a flower shop and have been saving money…." I started.

"No sweetheart, how are you really doing?" she interrupted with a stern stare that pierced right through me. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat not sure what she wanted me to say. She gave me a moment before deciding to just put it all out there.

"Jax told me about your mom," she started. Great. "He said it's pretty bad over there. I had my suspicions but I honestly haven't seen her where she can't handle herself."

I just sat there. I didn't know what to say, I wanted to lie but I knew there was no fighting it.

"Have you tried talking to her?" she asked.

"Yes." I answered.

"How long has this been going on?" she questioned still staring intently.

"Since my dad died," I answered. She seemed to realize that I really didn't want to talk about it.

"Listen sweetheart, if you need anything you better call me," she started, "I'm going to talk to your mom about this. I am going to make it about what's going on at the clubhouse. We'll start there and see what happens. But if there's one thing I know, you cannot handle this alone anymore Ashley."

I had been here before. Eleven years of being here. People offering help and then when it becomes too much to handle they take off. I knew the possibility of her getting through to my mom was slim to none and I honestly wouldn't be getting my hopes up. I also knew there was no fighting her on this so I should just go along with it.

"Thanks Gemma," I said with an uncomfortable smile getting up. She came over and hugged me.

"Remember to call, that's an order," she whispered into my hair. I pulled back and gave her a small smile before walking out of the office.

When I exited her door I noticed Jax sitting on a stool smoking right outside. He stood up and flicked the cigarette away and turned towards me. He wasn't smiling but instead looked very serious.

"I had to tell her. They are friends Ashley. I thought maybe she could get through to her," he said, his head was held up high and the way he stared down at me was slightly intimidating.

"That's ok. It's kind of a hard thing to hide anyway," I said shrugging.

"How is everything?" he asked.

"Everything's been fine since then," I said.

"Oh really?" he said looking towards my mom's car in the parking lot. I didn't know what to say to him. He wouldn't believe it anyway. I just looked away.

"This has been on my mind since the other night," he said. I felt guilty.

"I'm sorry you had to see that. She doesn't mean what she says when she gets like that. She doesn't even remember." I told him.

"No, I'm sorry **you** have to see that," he said and it seemed like he was frustrated.

"Jax, church!" someone yelled across the parking lot. Jax sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. "We're not done talking about this ok?" he said turning and heading inside. It was more of an order than a question.

I got into my mom's car and seriously thought about driving as far away as I could from this place, leaving her behind to fend for herself. I thought about it so often that I wondered if something was wrong with me. How could someone be so willing to leave everything and everyone they know and start fresh again somewhere new? How could someone turn their back on their own mother? I went home to drop off her car and then went back out for a walk. The air was crisp and clean. I could hear the wind blowing through the trees and it felt so soft on my skin. I willed myself to think of my life as something it wasn't. I could picture it so clearly in my head that I felt I might trick my brain into believing it was actually real.

* * *

The next day I got home from work and immediately changed into my little plaid shorts and white tank top. For some reason no matter how comfortable my work clothes were I always had to change as soon as I got home. It was just one of those comfort things. As I came out of my room my mom had come barreling into the house like a mad woman. It didn't take me long to realize that Gemma had chose today to be the day to have her talk with my mom.

"Who do you think you are talking shit about me to everyone?" she said pointing her finger in my face. I could smell the alcohol on her breath so she must have made a pit stop on her way here after leaving Gemma's.

"What are you talking about mom?" I asked. One thing I never did was talk shit about her to anyone. I spent my whole life avoiding talking about her if at all possible.

"Gemma confronted me saying that I have a drinking problem and I need to get help," she spat at me getting really close to my face, "There's only one person in my life who talks that way and that's you!"

I backed up to get some distance between us and tried to talk to her calmly. "No mom it wasn't me. Maybe she just noticed you had been going out all the time, I don't know."

"You stupid bitch, don't lie to me!" now she was yelling, the veins in her forehead promised to burst right through her skin.

I decided to go to my room and shut the door to allow her to calm down but she was not having it and pulled me forcefully back to the living room by a chunk of my hair.

"Stop mom!" I shouted pulling away.

"You think you can ruin my life here. It's always about you right? Everything's about you!" she yelled this time jabbing her pointer finger into my chest over and over. I swatted her hand away.

"Maybe she's just concerned about you, did you ever think about that?" I started backing up again and was trying my best to diffuse her, although my rage was starting to bubble up inside of me.

"You're such a loser. Always so jealous of me, you want to destroy any ounce of my happiness." She picked up a ceramic ashtray and threw it at the wall.

"You're insane!" I yelled at her, my adrenaline pumping and ran towards my room. She ran up behind me and grabbed my arm, her nails scratching and pinching my skin. I twisted away and ran to the opposite side of my bed.

"You stupid bitch, you stupid, stupid bitch," she was screaming like a lunatic now. She picked up my mattress and tried to push it at me but it was too heavy for her and just slid towards the floor. She screamed and ran her arm across my dresser slinging my things off at me one by one. I jumped over the box spring and ran barefoot towards the front door. That's when I noticed the banging coming from the other side of it. With her running up behind me I opened the door hoping maybe the police had heard us fighting. But it wasn't the police. It was Jax. His face was hardened and his jaw was clenched. He didn't even look at me and walked straight up to my mother's face.

"GET THE FUCK IN YOUR ROOM, NOW!" he shouted at her thrusting his finger down towards her face. I stood there frozen at what was happening around me. Lorraine went into her room and Jax looked at our living room eyeing the ashes covering the wall and the broken pieces of ceramic littering the carpet. He went into my room and I imagined how bad that looked. My mom screamed from her bedroom doorway.

"You got your boyfriend to defend you now you little whore?!" she yelled out. Jax came out of my room with a look of sheer disgust and headed straight into hers. "SHUT THE FUCK UP" the way he yelled at her even scared me. She went quiet and he came out of her room and headed towards me.

"You're coming with me," he said and pulled me out the door with him.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Jax pulled me by my left arm down the cracked walkway to his bike. I followed alongside just going through the motions, still stunned at what had just taken place. My life up until that point had always consisted of having to be the one to take care of my mother and dealing with some messed up shit along the way, but tonight she had taken it to a level I had never dreamt of. I stood there shakily, my head feeling as if it was drowning in the thickest fog, as he picked me up and carefully placed me on his motorcycle. He quickly jumped on and pulled my arms around his waist. He started the bike up and tore down the street obviously just wanting to get away from my house as fast as possible. When we got to the stop sign at the end of my street he slowed down and cut the engine off, planting his feet firmly on the pavement. He turned around silently and placed his helmet on my head fastening the strap under my chin, then he took off his navy blue hooded sweatshirt from under his cutte, threaded my arms through it and zipped it up. I looked down and saw that I was still barefoot, the foot pegs numbing the bottoms of my feet. He turned around and started the bike back up, pulled my arms back around him and sped off towards the highway.

Highways in this part of California are not like the highways that would normally come to mind. They are two lane roads that take you on a journey through seemingly endless miles of deserted land until you finally arrive at another hole in the wall town. No gas stations, no houses, just you, the road, a tumble weed or two and the big open sky. Jax kept his head forward, his body felt tense under my hands. I held tightly onto his waist and noticed my thighs were clenched against his as if I believed if I relaxed them even a little that I would fall to my doom off the back of his bike. I leaned my head back and looked up at the cloudless sky where a million stars twinkled brightly. It was so dark and clear, I don't think I have ever noticed the stars like that before. I noticed the goose bumps on my legs from the chilly night air coupled with the wind from the speed of the motorcycle, but I didn't feel cold. I didn't feel anything. I didn't know where we were going and I didn't care.

I closed my eyes and it all felt so familiar. The vibrations of the Harley under my legs, the wind whipping my hair, stinging my face, my arms around a strong comforting body, I felt as if I was with my dad again. When we would go for a ride it always seemed like the road stretched ahead of us forever. He would turn his head from time to time "You ok back there babygirl?" with a sideways smile and I would always answer "Faster dad". I felt as if I was super girl or had some special powers. It always made me forget about everything else and I would just relax and take in the world around me. Thinking about riding with my dad, a blanket of comfort suddenly lay over me and I began to feel safe. I put my cheek down on the soft leather of Jax's cutte and let myself escape from the world that was closing in around me.

We finally started to slow as we neared the approaching off ramp. I picked my head up curious to see where we were heading. We pulled off the highway and made a right traveling down a long winding road. With each turn we made the street lights slowly diminished, turning the trip black except for the moon overhead and the motorcycle's beam. We made another turn onto a dirt road, losing the moonlight as the trees rose around us. The numbness of the fight had begun to wear off and my senses were absorbing all that was around me. He turned down a driveway of a rustic style cabin and came to a stop. I could see from the movement of his shoulders that he had let out a sigh as his foot hit the dirt. He swung one leg and then the other off of the bike and grabbed my hand to help me down. I unfastened my helmet and handed it to him trying to read his eyes in the darkness. He stood staring at me as I shifted on the rocky dirt underneath me, then he finally spoke.

"This is Piney's cabin."

I stood there motionless waiting for his lead. I had no idea how to form the words I wanted to say to him.

"Let's get you inside," he said turning and walking towards the front door. I imagined we were allowed to be here because Jax took his keys and opened the door. He waited for me in the doorway and I passed by him, going inside. He followed me in and flicked on the light switch, tossing the keys to a nearby end table.

"How did you..."

"I got home and my mom told me the talk went south. I hoped I wasn't too late."

"Thank you," I said hoping he could see the sincerity in my eyes. His head was lowered and he looked tired. He scratched the side of his head with his hand.

"I won't make you talk about it tonight but there are things we need to discuss in the morning," he said pressing his lips together with a concerned look showing on his face. I figured he'd been thinking the whole ride too. I sighed silently but heavy, exhausted by the days events. I sunk into an arm chair not answering his statement. For the first time since I left I wondered about my mom, then quickly pushed the thought from my mind. I was so used to worrying about her. It almost felt like the right thing to do, while being here was way out of my comfort zone.

"There's a bedroom in the back. I'll show you where. You can get some sleep. I'll stay out here."

My thoughts fluttered to my job and I was relieved to remember I was off tomorrow. What would tomorrow bring? I couldn't stay away forever. I looked up at him and he was staring at me as if he was trying to read my expressions. I couldn't manage to get anything important out.

"I need to wash my feet."

"Ok, the bathrooms over here," he said making his way down the hall, so I got up and followed him. He opened a linen closet and handed me an old striped towel and then opened another door, "This is the bedroom where you can sleep, and this..." as he opened the door next to it, "is the bathroom. Do you need a drink or anything?"

"No thanks." This all felt really awkward.

"Ok, I'll be out here if you need me." He turned and headed back out towards the main room.

I stepped into the bathroom closing the door behind me and climbed in the tub sitting on the edge. I turned the warm water on and let it rise beneath my feet. I found the bar of soap and took my time washing the dirt from them. It felt good just to slide my legs back and forth in the water. I could hear him in the other room talking to someone on the phone. I remembered how angry he was at my house, his face so tense and his voice so loud the walls shook. I had never seen him that way before.

I turned my body so i was able to rest my back against the wall. I closed my eyes and started to zone out for what felt like forever. Finally, I pulled my slightly shriveled feet out of the bath and towel dried them off.

Jax knocked gently at the door "You alright in there?"

"Yeah, coming out now" I opened the bathroom door and he was standing there staring at me, his face had softened. He had taken off his cut and was wearing just a white t-shirt and dark jeans while I still had his sweatshirt on which completely covered every ounce of clothing I was wearing beneath. I felt something stir within me and tried not to focus on how appealing he looked right now. I looked back and forth between his eyes trying to figure out the look he was giving me. I stepped forward and hugged him, which was the only way I knew how to show him how much i appreciated what he had done for me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and strained my legs to stand up on the tips of my toes. He leaned forward into my hug, rubbing my back and stroked my hair with his hand. I thought about pulling back and attempting to kiss him like I had so many years before but I wasn't sure my heart could handle any more emotions today. I relaxed my arms and gently pulled away from the embrace.

"Will you lay with me?" I asked him. I thought I saw something flicker across his face and quickly disappear.

"Ok," he said rubbing his hand over his forehead and looking around hesitantly. I walked over to the bed and got under the covers. He slid in next to me still completely dressed and I smiled to myself realizing that he wasn't just a man looking to take advantage of a situation. "Turn over," he said. I rolled over on my right side and he slid up behind me. He brushed my hair to the side with his fingers and then he draped his left hand over my waist making me flinch slightly at his touch. But he didn't move it. I could feel his warm breath on my neck. I felt safe and secure for the first time in a long time and I drifted off to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

*****Thank you to all my reviewers, you guys are awesome!*****

The next morning I woke up alone in the bed. I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. As my sleepiness began to wear off a bad feeling took its place, creeping up inside of me. I closed my eyes and tried to remember whatever perfect, romantic, storybook feeling I had last night, but it wasn't working and the inevitable reality of dealing with my mom today was sinking in and taking over. I sat up in bed and silently argued with myself over if I should even get up and face the day, going back to sleep seemed like a much more desirable option. Reluctantly I rose, making my way to the bathroom to freshen up and start the morning.

I closed the door and braced myself against the cold sink, turning the faucet on and letting the water run warm. I stared at my haggard reflection in the mirror. Last night this didn't even bother me, I didn't even cry. So why was I feeling this terrible wave of uneasiness now? I washed my face and decided the only way to get that feeling to go away was to deal with it head on.

I came out of the bathroom and wandered around the small cabin, searching for Jax. When I couldn't find him anywhere I opened up the front door to look outside. He was sitting on the front steps of the wooden porch smoking his cigarette. The morning was fresh, the sun still low in the sky. I could smell the trees and earth and feel the dampness in the air. He looked over his left shoulder at me.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," I said taking a seat beside him.

He stubbed his cigarette out and flung it into the bushes. "How'd you sleep?" he asked glancing my way.

"Pretty good," I said smiling shyly and then looking away. I turned again to see him half grin as he straightened back forward.

"How are you feeling?" he asked staring blankly ahead.

"Well," I started, not sure how I wanted to say it, so I just got to the point, "I was thinking I should go back home."

"No," he said, his face unyielding.

"Yes Jax, I know what I'm going to do." I stated, trying to sound confident.

"You're not going home."

"I need to go home, you don't understand." My blood pressure was starting to elevate.

"No, I do understand, and I'm not taking you home. that's the worst thing right now." He said, not backing down.

"But what if my mom wakes up and doesn't remember last night? What if she panics thinking we were robbed and I was kidnapped or something?" I questioned him, it all making perfect sense to me. He just stared at me narrowing his eyes as I spoke.

"She remembers trust me," he answered as he dropped his head down, his elbows leaning on his thighs and slid his sneaker in the dirt.

"Well, what if something bad happens to her, what if she gets more depressed and hurts herself, or gets in the car and hurts someone else. I would never forgive myself. I need to be there to make sure that doesn't happen," I was starting to feel desperate. He wasn't hearing me.

"No, but I'll tell you what you _are_ going to do," he started, straightening up and looking me in the eye. I knew I was not going to like this and didn't even want to let him talk. I shifted anxiously in my seat knowing I had to convince him that I knew what I was talking about, I had been dealing with this for 11 years now.

"Jax, please just trust me, I know what I'm doing, I know how to deal with her," I pleaded.

He cut me off, acting as if he didn't hear me.

"Originally I was going to take you there this morning to get some clothes and whatever, but now I'm starting to rethink that," he said, throwing me a look.

"Jax," I tried to calm myself down. He wasn't going to listen if I was heated, he would just blow me off and think I was crazy.

"The plan is, you are going to stay at Gemma's for a while. You can have my room and I'll stay at the clubhouse. My mom is going to go over and try to talk your mom into going into rehab. We think if you are away and out of the house, she may see what's she's done and hopefully it will motivate her to get help," he said glancing sideways at me for my response.

"No, you don't get it. If I'm not there she will just get worse. At least when I'm there I can handle her," he gave me an unconvinced look.

"No, Ash," was all he said.

"Please just take me home," I tried again with my calmest voice.

He just shook his head, his stubbornness infuriating me.

"Fine then, I'll just walk home," I said crazily and started barefoot down the driveway. He just sat there watching me, knowing I wouldn't get very far like that. By the time I had reached the end of the driveway I was shaking with frustration. Obviously I couldn't walk home. But I needed to get back. I felt helpless and out of control, a sense of urgency to get him to do what I wanted. He was so stubborn. I needed to calm down and rethink how to get there, be smart about it. Maybe if I just went along with him, when he leaves to go to the clubhouse I could go back home. That sounded like a good plan so I turned around and went back to where he was sitting.

He looked at me with eyes of understanding, but then huffed a laugh which seemed pretty obnoxious.

"You being there isn't doing anyone any good. Trust me," he said looking up at me, a serious look in his eyes.

"Jax…" I started as I sat back down, trying to behave just long enough.

"It's not good for either of you with you there. You enabling her…"

"En…enabling! I am not enabling!" I stood up now with my hands on my hips, all the other thoughts just thrown out the window.

"What would you call it then? You are definitely enabling her and she's never going to get better as long as you keep doing it!"

"I don't party with her, I don't buy her alcohol, I don't take her to bars, that's enabling," I announced, counting the reasons on my fingers as if I were stating the obvious.

"You pick her up from the bars, you let yourself be there for her all the time, cleaning up her messes, you sweep everything under the rug, that's definitely enabling," he snapped right back at me.

I sat back down, defeated. I didn't think I enabled her, but he was so hard headed this conversation was getting nowhere. I put my face in my hands and tried to think.

"Babe, I know you really believe that you are doing the right thing, and that's admirable it really is, I know how much you love your mom, but I think that after a while, when you've stepped back from the situation, that you will see that this is for the best."

I sighed only because this was a no win situation. I thought I knew what I was doing, but the more he talked the more confused I became. And as much as he had really gotten underneath my skin just now it wasn't lost to me that he had just called me babe. I figured it would be easiest to let him call the shots a little while longer and give myself some time to think of what I should do.

"Ok," I said from inside my hands.

* * *

Jax seemed pretty proud of himself that I "realized" that his plan was the right plan. If I really had time to notice, which I did, I would say he was pretty close to even being cocky about it. But even through that arrogance I had been able to convince him that he should still bring me home to get some clothes and other necessities. Especially while it was still early and my mom wouldn't be up for at least a few hours.

The ride back was just as quiet as the one the night before, just this time my mind was doing more thinking than relaxing. I was very uncomfortable about the idea of staying at Gemma's. I didn't want to be putting anyone out and it felt like all my dirty secrets had been broadcast to the world. I also was very worried about my mom and how she would be when she woke up and saw the house like that.

"Just ten minutes ok?" Jax asked told me as we pulled into my driveway. He had tried to drive slow down my street. I was imagining he wanted to avoid waking my mom up.

"Ok," I said letting him help me off the bike.

I unlocked the front door and stepped inside. The scene from last night was much worse than I remembered and the reality of it all sank in a little deeper. I quickly headed towards my room deliberately not looking at him. I really didn't want to see what expression was on his face right now. I scrambled through my room, grabbing my duffle bag and loading it up with as many clothes as I could find. Thankfully Jax stayed in the living room during this process. And then I found my shoes. I had never been so grateful to see a pair of shoes in my life, as when I spotted those beautiful converse from under the rubble of last night's disaster. I slipped them on over my tiny socks. I grabbed a second smaller duffle bag and ran into the bathroom loading my shampoo, deodorant, make-up, razors, toothbrush, just about everything I owned. I went back out to the living room and he was holding the front door open for me. Luckily my mom had not woken up. I felt sad inside, wanting to clean the mess before my mom could see it.

When we pulled into Gemma's driveway, the knot that was in my stomach seemed to have grown so big that it pushed on all my internal organs. I felt so bad about being here. As we entered her house Jax let me go in ahead of him and placed his hand on my lower back, slightly putting me at ease. Gemma was waiting for us in the kitchen, leaning her back up against the counter. She looked at me, her dark brown eyes filled with understanding, and pulled me into an embrace. I managed not to cry but the tears threatened to fall at any moment, bulging at the corners.

"I'm glad you came," she said to me as she pulled back slightly and looked into my face. I saw her look up at Jax, some sort of unspoken sentiment exchanged between them. "So let me show you where you can stay." She said grabbing my arm and my bags which Jax was holding. I noticed that he stayed behind. I'm sure he's had enough of me these past 24 hours. We walked down the hall to the last door on the left. When she opened it, it looked like a normal guy's room, not very much going on in it except for a few motorcycle posters with practically naked girls on them.

"You'll be happy to know I put clean sheets on the bed," she said with a smile. I smiled back. "And I cleared out the drawers on the left of his dresser for you. I want you to come and go as you please and feel comfortable, ok?"

"Ok," I answered, feeling anything but comfortable.

"Ok, I'll let you unpack your stuff, come out when you're ready," she looked to me as if she were trying to read me.

"Ok," I answered again.

She closed the door behind her and I plopped down on the bed. How the hell did I end up in this situation? I closed my eyes hoping that if I opened them I would be back in my bed and none of this would have happened. But I had no such luck. I heard the two of them talking in the other room and could only imagine it was about what to do with my mom and me. I closed my eyes again.

"Hey," I heard Jax say as he gently shook my shoulder. I had fallen asleep at the edge of his bed. I sat up still half asleep and he chuckled. "Hey sleepyhead, I just wanted to tell you that I have to leave. Clay called us in," he told me.

"Ok," I said groggily.

"Are you going to be ok?" He asked placing his finger under my chin and lifting my face up to him.

"Sure," I said with a small tired smile.

He smiled and kissed me on top of my head. "If you need anything, call me," he said and turned and swaggered out of the room. I smiled to myself and fell back on the bed, falling asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

*****Sorry it took so long to update, this one was a bitch to get through and I'm still not completely satisfied with it, but I hope you enjoy! And thanks to my reviewers and new followers!*****

"Hey, Ashley," Amanda startled me, pulling me away from my thoughts. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, just a little tired that's all," I replied, looking up from my flower arrangement and flashing her a friendly smile.

"Why don't you take your break?" she offered, "Grab something to eat? You've been working non-stop."

"Great idea, I could really use a coffee," I said, "Let me just finish up this really quick."

The idea sounded wonderful actually, this had felt like the longest day ever since I started at The Little Flower Shop. Time practically stood still, every time I looked up at the clock the second hand had barely moved. My thoughts were constantly drifting to my mom, wondering what had happened when she woke up yesterday, wondering why she had not even called me once. Not knowing was the worst part of all of this and the hardest part of staying away. I worried about her and hoped that she was doing ok. It was taking every ounce of energy I had to keep from going over there. However, I definitely planned to drive by there after work on my way to Gemma's house just to see if everything appeared fine.

I snipped a few more sickly leaves off of the arrangement and popped in a couple of fresh pink daisies, tied a red satin bow around the vase and it was finished.

I grabbed my bulky purse and made my way out of the flower shop. "Do you want anything?" I called over to Amanda.

"No thanks!" she piped up, her head in a fridge.

I slipped my sunglasses on and headed south on Main Street, taking advantage of another beautiful day by walking to my destination. The temperature had started to drop a little but was still in the high 70's and the day could have probably won the contest for the most perfect weather ever. I walked along looking in the windows of the storefronts when something caught my attention from the corner of my eye. I turned and noticed a police car driving the same direction as I was walking that appeared as if it was following me. I thought I was imagining things, but as I slowed down and sped up my pace the car was shadowing my every move. I stole another glance at the car and noticed a police officer with sandy brown hair in the front passenger seat. He rolled down his window and leaned his elbow nonchalantly on the edge. I could feel his eyes on me from behind his dark sunglasses. Am I being paranoid? Maybe something happened with my mom? I started to feel guilty just being on his radar, even though I knew I didn't do anything wrong. I quickened my step and did my best to pretend that I didn't notice they were following me. When I finally spotted the coffee shop I ducked quickly inside. I whirled around and snuck a peak out of the window's curtains to see if the car was still there. The cruiser quickly accelerated and took off down the road, leaving me feeling bizarrely spooked. What the hell was that about? I thought to myself.

It took me a while to push away the nagging feeling of uneasiness that the officer had left me with, but as I went back to work I was slowly able to put it out of my mind. Bill had taken the day off so it left Amanda and I very busy trying to get all the work done, which left little room for thinking. Amanda had to leave at 4 p.m. for a doctor's appointment so I was in charge of cleaning up and closing the store. I swept and straightened up, closed the register, locked the front doors, set the alarm and then left out of the back entrance so I could throw the garbage away in the dumpster. I walked around the building towards the front to get my car. That's when I saw Jax sitting on his motorcycle waiting for me.

"Hey Jax," I said, smiling that he had come to check up on me.

"Hey darlin, I came to give you a ride home," he said with what seemed was a forced smile.

I felt confused. "That's ok, I have my car," I answered.

"Just get on, I have to take you this time, we can get your car tomorrow," he said turning forward. Now I started to grow concerned.

"Why, did something happen?"

"No, I was just on my way to Gemma's and figured I would give you a ride," he answered. I searched his face for any bad news and when I didn't see any I decided my worry was for nothing. I took the helmet he handed me and jumped on behind him. He revved up the bike a few times, turning his head and smiling, before tearing off down the street.

As we pulled into Gemma's driveway my nerves were coming back full force and starting to get the best of me. I had planned to do a drive by of my house when I left work and now I wasn't able to, trapped without my car, which made me feel very on edge.

"Jax, have you heard anything from Lorraine?" I asked him as we were walking inside, figuring that was a smart way to start.

"Yeah, my mom went to your house, she's having a talk with her," he answered, walking over to the fridge and opening it.

"When did she go?"

"She went about an hour ago, so I thought I would pick you up in case you were having thoughts about stopping by." He stated, looking down at me and handing me a beer.

Damn him for being in my head. "So…have you heard anything since she went over?"

"Last I heard they were having girl talk at the kitchen table so my mom was easing into it," he answered. "You want to watch a movie or something?"

"Sure," I answered, needing the distraction. Of course he picked a movie about the military and war and shooting and blah. I couldn't focus on the movie anyway. As the time ticked on, that bad feeling started sneaking back. I chugged my beer and decided to go for a second one, bringing him back number two as well. He seemed enthralled by the movie, not noticing anything around him and practically comatose. I however couldn't sit still and my leg was bouncing a mile a minute. I hoped Gemma was getting through to my mom, I hoped the plan was working. Before I knew it I was opening my third beer on an empty stomach, I looked down and put in on the side table next to me to keep from drinking it.

"Would you relax?" he said to me chuckling. "I think the couch has moved 6 inches across the floor."

I looked at him and tried to sound relaxed. "Sorry," my voice giving me away.

"Hey, it's a good thing what's happening now, stay positive."

"I'm trying," I said, almost too quietly to be heard. He squeezed my shoulder and gave me a smile before turning his attention back to the movie. I tried my best to follow the story, desperately wanting to get my mind on something else.

"Yeah Ma," Jax said into his phone that never rings. I perked up and tried to scoot close to him to hear but he stood up and started walking from the room. He had his right hand pressed to his ear as if he was straining to hear her. "Ok, Ok, calm down… I'll be right over." He said and hung up the phone.

"What's going on?" I was alarmed now. Calm down?

"Don't worry, she's just having trouble getting her to go, she keeps changing her mind and she thinks if I go over it will help." He said, trying to put me at ease.

"Ok I should go too," I said making my way towards the door.

"No, you're staying here, we've been through this. I'll let you know what's going on, don't worry." He said and tried to give me a confident look before heading out the door.

But I _was_ worried. I had a feeling that there was more than what he was telling me. I turned the movie off and tried to find something better to watch to take my mind off of what was going on. I flipped through every channel twice. It was all garbage so I watched a show about people who never cleaned their houses. I absentmindedly finished the third beer too which gave me a pretty heavy buzz. I stared at the clock, it had been an hour already. I texted him and waited. Fifteen more minutes and still no answer. I looked out the front window waiting for headlights to appear, as if I could draw him back by will alone. I thought about walking to my house, it wasn't too far, maybe half a mile. I pushed the thought from my head when I imagined him either getting really angry or blaming me when my mom decided not to go to rehab. I sat down, flipped through the channels again, chewing my cuticles raw. After what seemed like an eternity, I heard the front door open. I jumped up and headed to the kitchen. Jax was in the fridge getting another beer.

"You didn't call me," I said, waiting for news.

"They are still talking, there's nothing to report," he said taking a long sip of his beer and not looking at me, downing about half of the bottle.

"That's not true, you're not telling me something," I confronted him, feeling a little brave from the alcohol.

"It's true," he said starting to walk into the other room. I pulled him by the arm to make him face me.

"Jax," I said looking into his eyes, searching for some sort of answer. He just stared back emotionless. "Jax, what's going on? You're scaring me."

He looked towards the other room for a moment before turning his eyes back on mine, "Your mom's a mess, what can I say. She's hard to deal with," he informed me.

"Why, what did she do?" the panic beginning to build within me.

"Don't worry about it Ash, it was nothing we couldn't handle," he said.

"Don't worry! That's all I'm doing, I don't know anything that's going on and it's eating at me."

"Just let it go, you've dealt with enough shit. Let us handle it now. You need a break, you _deserve_ a break."

"So now it's on you?_ You_ get to deal with all my shit?" I asked.

"It's easier for me to deal with it."

"Just tell me what she did. Did she get worse?" I asked incredulously. When he didn't answer my worry started to become physical. The tips of my fingers and toes began to tingle, my head felt dizzy and my breathing fast, my legs turning weak beneath me. I didn't know if it was the alcohol or anxiety. "What did she do Jax?" I couldn't read the look in his eyes, it was almost empty, like his soul was far away. Why wasn't he answering me?

I started crying and he pulled me into him. He stroked my hair and kept saying not to worry. I had no idea what she had done and the fact that he wouldn't tell me made it much more frightening. But as he held me it seemed to numb my pain. It made me want to trust him and let go of my control. I stopped crying and just hugged him and he gently kissed the top of my head. I slowly lifted my face up to look at him, my nose and lips brushing against his neck then chin. When I got to his lips I paused for a moment, hovering there, waiting for an ok. But I couldn't wait long and I kissed him, needing to feel the emotion he was having. To understand what he had seen. He stood there not responding for a moment as I kissed his bottom lip. He soothingly brushed my hair out of my face with his right hand and I looked up into his eyes that were now filled with comfort. He cradled my face with both of his hands and leaned forward to kiss me back. The kiss felt slow and sweet and reassuring. I put my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me. He moved his hand to behind my head pulling me closer as well. His other hand was on my waist where my skin was exposed from me stretching up to meet him, his fingers thick and calloused. My body felt warm all over from the combination of the beer and kiss. I started to kiss him faster and harder, wanting to feel something besides what I had been feeling, something good. As my kiss started to become urgent he pulled away.

"How many beers did you drink?" he chuckled and leaned his forehead into mine, giving me a small kiss so I knew he liked it too.

"Too many," I said smiling, my face prickling from the sting of his facial hair.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me back to the couch where I snuggled into his arm, sinking into the comfort he offered. It felt as natural as drawing a breath. "Jax, you would tell me if it was something serious right? Something I needed to know?"

"Yes babe, just trust me," he said and kissed the top of my head. So I stopped my questioning and started to trust, the hardest thing I had ever done. For the first time in a long time I was not the one taking care of someone else…. and I was scared as hell.


	11. Chapter 11

*****This ones for you toridw317*****

I opened my eyes and found myself squished between the side of the couch and Jax's t-shirted chest, my leg hanging over his. I smiled with the realization of it, not wanting to wake up, not because of my normal reasons but this time because I wanted to just enjoy the moment. As I lay there the smell of various breakfast hues came floating through the air, threatening to lure me to them like a bee to its hive. Coffee, eggs, sausage…ok I'm up.

I climbed over Jax's peaceful sleeping body and made my way into the kitchen where I found Gemma by the stove looking very tired.

"Good morning Gemma," I said, hoping for some news.

"Morning baby girl," she answered, sounding even more exhausted than she looked.

"Smells good in here," I said, trying to spark some conversation.

"Thanks," she said, "Is Jax up?"

"No he's still sleeping," I said almost sheepishly, imagining her seeing us on the couch together. But the embarrassment was nothing compared to the longing I felt to hear about my mom. Stop worrying I thought. I decided the best way to give up some control was to not ask questions, but just to let them tell me.

"There's coffee if you want some," she said motioning to the coffee maker. She was just as tight lipped as Jax.

"Thanks, you want another cup?" I offered, noticing her empty one.

"Sure," she answered.

I made both our coffees and brought hers to her setting it on the counter beside her, before bringing mine over to the table and sitting down.

"So I'm sure you want to know what's going on with your mom," she started.

"I do," I answered.

"Ma" Jax said from the doorway….Damn him.

"Hey sweetie," she said.

"What are you making?" he said walking over to her and kissing her on the forehead. He leaned into her and they were talking in hushed voices. Obviously he was telling her not to tell me. It was ok, I knew I would find out everything eventually, and hopefully at a time when I was able to handle it. I would still try to let him have control.

He walked over to me with both of our plates and set them on the table. The food was a good pillow to smother my talking and keep me listening.

"Thanks," I said giving him a small smile, trying to hide my thoughts.

Gemma came over to join us with only her coffee. "So," she began looking straight at me, "it was a very long night but your mom is not at home anymore, she's in a place where she can get help and begin to get better, hopefully in a couple of weeks you will be able to see her."

"That's good right?" I asked, my eyes filled with hope.

"Yeah, that's good," she said quietly. I looked at Jax and he looked relieved. We all sat in silence for a moment, they were probably waiting for me to say something, but I was trying hard not to.

"We're going to try to take things one day at a time, but for now you are free to go back home," she said with a weak smile. I smiled too.

"Are you working today?" Jax asked.

"Yes at 9:00," I answered.

"I'll take you there on my way in."

"I'm going to go get my things together and get ready for work," I said excusing myself and clearing my plate. I went to Jax's bedroom and packed up all my things in my big duffle bag. I took my stuff to get ready into the bathroom. I showered and tried to wash away all my distress. I dressed, brushed my teeth, put my make up on and anchored my hair up in a pony tail. I smiled at the person I saw in the mirror. I grabbed my dirty clothes and bathroom stuff and went back to Jax's room to shove it into my small duffle bag.

"You alright with everything that's going on?" Jax said coming up behind me and putting his arms around me.

I smiled at his gesture "Trying to be."

"You're doing good babe," he said into my left ear and I shivered. I heard him chuckle as he turned me around and gave me a soft kiss, "let's get you to work before you're late."

* * *

I was doing a good job staying focused on my plan to not worry and to relinquish some control. I kept myself busy for the most part and tried to think about Jax to make myself happy. But as the day dragged on my old self started to reappear, sneaking her way back into me. I can actually pin point the moment she returned full force.

Ding…I heard the sound of the door bells alerting me that there was someone entering. Freddie had gone out with the deliveries and we were somewhat slow, so I was left by myself. I hurriedly went through the back room doors to greet the customer. I stepped through the door and my heart leapt into my throat as I noticed who it was. The officer that I had encountered the day before was with his partner in the corner looking at some flowers in a bucket. I garnered all my strength and pretended I didn't know who they were.

"Can I help you?" I asked with fake confidence.

"No, we're just looking around, seeing how ol' Bill is doing here," the sandy haired one said while circling the store.

"Ok, let me know if you need anything," I said and went behind the counter. I watched them for a few minutes and then decided to try and look busy with some papers on the counter.

"Ashley right?" the officer said walking up to me, pulling down his sunglasses for effect. That was it…the moment…

"Yes, how did you know?" I answered. It had to be my mom.

"It's a small town, hard not to know the goings on. You just moved into Dale Murphy's old house with your mom."

"Yeah." I had to lock my knees to keep them from shaking, the sinister way he was leering at me was so unnerving.

He started circling again. "So how are you finding Charming?"

"Uh, good so far, everyone has been so welcoming," I answered, my confidence beginning to falter. I tried hard to focus, so I focused on his badge. Leahy.

"Hmm….that's the good thing about Charming, we like to create a safe, no tolerance environment for our citizens," he said glaring at me straight on.

"Wow I'm glad I chose to move here then," I said going along with him but looking away from his glare.

"Hmmm, yes we like to keep the good in and the bad out if you know what I mean."

I think I was starting to. My mom must have done something really reckless to draw attention to herself and this was some kind of warning. His partner walked up and nodded a greeting to me before looking at Leahy.

"Well I'm sure we'll be talking very soon," he said to me as they turned and left. The remainder of my shift was hell, I couldn't wait to get back to my house to see if I could tell what had happened.

When I pulled into my driveway I was full of anticipation. I hurried through the door and searched every room for some sort of clue. But everything looked pretty cleaned up and in order. Even my mom's room didn't show signs of any problems. I went into my room and threw my bags on my bed as a wave of sorrow began to wash over me.

I wondered about my mom. She was all alone and going through this with no one by her side. Was she scared? I would be. I knew for sure she thought I had abandoned her. I should be there for her, she needed someone and I was all she had. I tried to convince myself that they were right, she would never get better with me there, but every time I tried I felt guilty. I remembered her abuse I really did. But I didn't see her as a bad person. I saw her as a sick person who never learned to deal with her grief, and I felt bad for her. I always dreamed of being on my own but…all I knew is that being home was just like being slapped in the face with the reality that I was failing as a daughter right now.

And as if on cue my phone buzzed.

_Hey wanted to come check on you but Clay has us working late. I hope you are doing ok at home._

I smiled at his concern. I was slightly relieved that he wasn't coming. I didn't want to pretend that I was pulled together.

_Hanging in there._

_Good, get some sleep._

_Goodnight Jax._

I tried really hard to get some sleep.

* * *

The next day at work I was back to my plan of trying to be strong again. It seemed easier with Amanda there. She was sarcastic but funny and kept things interesting. We were fooling around by the counter, things had been slow so we didn't have any orders left to do, when a customer walked in. We both turned to look at who it was and then looked at each other with big eyes.

A man, maybe about thirty, tall, brown hair, deep brown eyes, muscular, chiseled jaw, clean cut and very good looking came towards us. He was dressed in slacks, a shirt and tie, his tie slightly loosened around his neck.

"Can we help you?" Amanda drawled out, leaning forward on the counter and showing some cleavage. I smiled at her effort.

"Yes, please, I need help," he said flashing a beautiful smile. I think we might have been somewhat hypnotized by this.

We stared, waiting to him to continue and he laughed a short laugh before going on, "So my dilemma is, my mom is sick and I need something really pretty to make her happy."

Awe, that was so sweet. I looked at Amanda and she had the same stupid grin on her face that I did. "Sure, we can find you something perfect for her," I told him. We roamed the store, showing him different ideas.

"I haven't seen you before, do you live here?" Amanda asked. Nice Amanda.

"No, I'm actually here for a few weeks visiting my mother," he told her.

"So where are you from?" she asked.

"Santa Cruz," he told us.

"Ah by the beach, nice," she said.

He turned his attention to me. "What would you like if it was you?"

My face flushed pink, he was so attractive. I tried to keep my composure as I assembled him a bouquet with my favorites. First I was praying for distractions, and now I might have too many, I smiled to myself.

"This is what would cheer me up," I said handing it to him.

"Perfect," he said with a huge smile. "I'm Mark by the way." He shook our hands as we continued oogling him. He paid for his flowers and started to make his way towards the door.

"Nice to meet you Mark, don't be a stranger," Amanda called out to him. I smiled at him and then looked past him noticing Jax getting off his motorcycle by the curb. Jax walked in the door as Mark walked out, I saw Jax look at him and then at us. I am pretty sure we had some shit eating grins still plastered on our faces so I quickly walked up to him so he would know it was him that made me smile.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked smiling big at him.

He looked from me to Amanda and back to me. "I was just stopping to see how you were doing? Also Opie and Donna are going out tonight and I was wondering if you felt up to going with them."

"Yeah definitely," I said. That sounded so much better than going home and thinking all night. I noticed Amanda staring so I started walking out front so he would follow me.

"So you're doing good?" He asked as we got outside.

"Yes," I said smiling again. I loved how he was always concerned about me.

"Good, I have to get back to the shop but I'll pick you up about 8:30 or so."

"Ok sounds good," I answered. He looked like he was going to kiss me, but I saw him glance at the flower shop and back to me. "I'll see you later."

"Yep," I said and went back inside.

"You better be careful," was all that Amanda said.

* * *

When Jax came to get me I was already waiting outside. I couldn't seem to shake the somber feeling that came over me when I was in the house. I smiled and jumped on his bike eager to get out of there.

We met Opie and Donna at a local bar where it seemed they had already been drinking for some time.

"Ashley!" Donna exclaimed, coming up and hugging me. Yep drunk.

"Hey Donna," I said happy to see her too. "Hey Opie," I said hugging him quick. Jax came up and handed me a beer before walking back to the bar with Opie talking.

"So how have you been girl?" she asked grinning funny.

"Good how about you?"

"Greeeaaat. We need to hang out again, just me and you, I had so much fun."

"Yes we do," I agreed and took a huge sip out of my beer. I was going to enjoy myself tonight.

"Where'd they go? Those two are always whispering about something," she said. "I swear this club is no good for Opie."

"The club?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm starting to have my suspicions. He's been working too many late nights, going away too often lately. Besides interfering with our family, it has me thinking."

"Why what are you thinking?" I asked interested.

"Not sure yet, but I'll let you know after I do a little more snooping." She said and then raised her beer to mine. I quickly finished my first beer while it was still cold. "Let's get you another one, you need to catch up to me!" She said pulling me over to the bar.

"Can I get two shots of tequila?" she said to the bartender. Oh no, this wasn't good for me. But I did the shot anyway, thinking it would be just the one. I knew I wouldn't make it past two.

Jax and Opie came over to us, Jax had his eyebrows raised at me.

"How's it going?" he asked.

"Great," I said.

"I'm sure," he laughed. Donna turned and handed us all another shot which I reluctantly took.

"Please don't let me drink anymore," I whispered loudly to Jax, knowing the night would never end well if I did, and feeling the quickness that the tequila seemed to be hitting my bloodstream.

"Ok," he smiled.

Donna started talking. "I am sooo happy we are all here together. It just makes me sooo happy. And meeting Ashley. And Ashley is just so sweet. So nice. And Ashley being here with Jax. And Jax and Opie being best friends. Everything is sooo perfect." She smiled and started swaying with some classic rock song on the jukebox.

"That's all you Ope," Jax said to Opie, slapping him on the shoulder.

"I know," he widened his eyes, "was hoping this night would end well for me but now I'm not so sure."

"I'll grab some waters," Jax said and I realized he was referring to me too. My mind was starting to have trouble hearing what they were saying, almost like it was on a delay. But I felt all warm and fuzzy so it was all good.

Donna and I stood grinning at each other. Opie stood wiping his brow and shaking his head.

"I'm not sure, have you even been here 15 minutes yet?" he asked Jax when he returned, I wasn't really sure why.

"Yeah, that's what happens when you hang out with real women," Donna said to Opie.

"The night ends early?" he asked.

"Something like that." She said like she knew what she was talking about. I had no idea what she was talking about.

"What is she talking about?" I practically yelled to Jax.

"No idea," he said smiling. I took my water and started to drink it.

"So as I was saying, I am so glad we are all together. Let's make a toast to that!" Donna exclaimed.

"I think we should wait a little for more toasts," Opie said to her.

Jax and Opie started talking about something that happened at the shop, Donna started dancing and I just stood there with my warm happy feeling. After a little while I decided I needed to use the restroom so I informed them I would be right back, though I couldn't remember if I really said it, or if they ever acknowledged it, but next thing I knew I was in the bathroom. I washed up and went back out into the bar. There seemed to be a lot of people in there now and I tried to find my way back to where they were. I came to the part of the bar that I thought it had been when I came face to face with a man sitting on a stool sipping his beer. He turned and grinned big at me.

"You look so familiar," I said standing there staring at him.

"You don't remember?" he said his eyes sparkling at me.

"Hmmmm can't place it but I know that I know you from somewhere," I said.

"My mom really loved the flowers you picked for her," he said, I almost thought he was flirting if I was thinking at all.

"Oh yes, Mark!" I said excitedly. I had forgotten what I was supposed to be doing and sat down next to him.

"What brings you here?" he asked me. And then I remembered what I was doing here and I stood up, took a step back thinking I would excuse myself….and turned into Jax staring down at me.


	12. Chapter 12

His eyes were hardened and his face was tense.

"Jax!" I said putting my hand on his chest, "I was looking all over for you!"

"Is that what you were doing?" he asked, glancing from me to Mark and back to me.

"Hey man, she just…" "Shut up," Jax said, giving a look of death to Mark. He turned back to me.

"Jax," I said feeling bad about my predicament and a little woozy now that I was standing again. "I need some air."

Mark started to get up off of his stool, "Don't take it out on her, I just…."

Jax moved himself between me and Mark to deliver his message clearly. "I thought I told you to shut the fuck up… do yourself a favor and stay away from her."

I couldn't believe what was beginning to happen. I started walking towards the exit wanting to get out of there fast. I was relieved when I looked back and saw that Jax was following closely behind me. I exited the bar and took a left heading towards a bench I spotted nearby. Jax came over and stood near me, lighting up a cigarette.

"I was confused trying to find you and I recognized that guy. He was in the flower shop today," I said, trying to explain away what had happened, the chilly night air awakening my senses and helping me to regain my composure.

"I was confused too, I thought I saw you sitting with him," he answered flatly.

"I was, I don't know why, my legs were….I was looking for you," I said not sure how to explain it. He smoked his cigarette and flicked it away.

"You ready to get out of here?" he asked.

"Yeah," I answered. The ride back to my house was long and wordless, making me regret drinking at all. I had only wanted to have fun tonight and forget about all of my stress and my life for a few hours, but it all just backfired in my face. We went inside and I told him I wanted to go change. I took my clothes off and put an oversized t-shirt on, innocently forgetting to put on pants. I swear. I came out and found him sitting on my couch.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked him sitting down next to him.

"Should I be?"

"No…because you're the one I want." I answered him practically under my breath. Even though I wasn't drunk like I was before it still had some control over me and I started to spill all my thoughts and feelings that I would normally keep locked away inside. "You know my mom, I've been thinking about her all the time. I feel so sad about all of it. I think about how I feel bad for her, she never learned to deal with her problems, always drinking to numb the pain and not deal with her life. And then I went and did the same thing tonight and now look."

"Yeah but you did it to take your mind off everything and have some fun," he said.

"How different is that?" I asked.

"Well for starters you're not an alcoholic, that's a huge difference."

"I just don't want to end up like her. I want to be happy and strong and have my shit together, with my shop and my beach house and my husband and three kids. I always looked forward to the day I would not have to take care of my mom anymore. So I should be happy about everything that's happening, but with her away I'm sad, it's almost like I'm missing something."

"It's just because it's different." He said looking at me.

"And then you, you're so amazing, you've helped me so much and always seem to care, you know exactly how to handle me and it feels really nice." I said. "I thought I would never be happy moving here, but now I'm starting to look at everything so differently."

He pulled me by the arm into his lap, facing him. "You're the one that I want too," he said with a small grin before grabbing my face in his hands and kissing me gently. I kissed him back but felt like there was more that I needed to tell him.

"And I'm sorry about that guy. I know how it looked and it wasn't anything like that," The words kept spilling out, my mind going a million miles a minute.

"Shhh," he said kissing me again, this time more passionately.

"I just don't want you to be mad about it, because you seemed pretty annoyed," I pulled away again to clarify.

"I'm not mad," he pulled me back and became more demanding.

"Do you think we should have told Donna and Opie we left?" I pulled away to ask him. He sighed in defeat and leaned back, his arms up on the back of the couch.

"They knew…. anything else on your mind?" he asked giving me a look.

"Well, I do feel bad that I never ask you how_ you're_ doing," I said.

"You want to know how I'm doing?" he asked with a big grin.

"Yes, I do," I answered, ready to listen.

"Honestly?" he asked and I nodded, "Well, I shouldn't really complain but…. My girl is sitting here on my lap looking really sexy in just a t-shirt and panties, going on and on about all these important things and at the same time she's wiggling and moving all over me. And I'm, I'm just kind of trying to shut her up for a little while but it's not really working…. I'm not sure that she realizes exactly what it is that she's doing to me."

"Oh," I said. I looked down and noticed how I was straddling his lap, I looked back up at him and he had a huge smirk on his face with his arms crossed over his chest. "Sorry." I suddenly felt nervous and under a little pressure, but at the same time he looked really good leaning back against the couch smirking and what he just said made something stir inside me. I sat straight up and purposely moved a little bit more on his lap, smirking back at him.

He raised an eyebrow at me, "Anything else you want to talk about?"

"Nope," I said. He eyed me for a moment trying to decide if I was going to reject him again before he put one hand on each of my legs and pulled me closely into him, our bodies almost completely touching. He still had that smirk, but it seemed much bigger now up so close.

"I'm a pretty good listener too," he said softly.

"You are? You are." I said trying to be complimentary.

"I heard you when you said that I know how to handle you," he stated still smirking but now barely away from my face. I was honestly turning to putty in his hands right now. I didn't know if there was anything I would say no to at this point. "And that it feels really nice."

"It does," I breathed out.

He smiled and kissed me again. This time I was waiting for it, my heartbeat picking up speed as my body yearned for him to shut me up.

* * *

I woke up in my bed and smiled remembering how I got there. I didn't want to open my eyes, I just wanted to savor the moment. Feeling his body next to mine, it all felt so easy and natural. He must have been awake already because he ran his fingers down my arm and laughed at the goose bumps that he made.

"I knew you were awake," he said.

"Mmmm," I answered.

"You're smiling so it was either a really good dream or you were awake."

"Probably both," I stated opening one eye, then the other. I remembered that I didn't have to work today and that made everything even better. "Do you have to go to work?" I asked him, hoping he didn't.

"Yeah, at 10 though," he answered. "So three kids huh?"

"What?" I asked.

"You said you want three kids," he stated.

"I did?" all my admissions of last night came rushing back to me. "Oh yeah, I do." I felt embarrassed.

"Did you already pick out their names too?" he asked and I thought he was being a smart ass, but he wasn't.

"No, I didn't get that far yet surprisingly. How about you?" I asked.

"Thomas for a boy," he started.

"That's really sweet," I said knowingly. "What about a girl?"

"Violet."

"Violet? Why?"

"I don't know, I always liked it and my grandmother's name was Rose so I thought it would be nice."

"It's very pretty." I smiled at how endearing he was being. Watching him this way just made me fall for him more.

"You were something else last night," he said putting his hands behind his head.

"Oh I know, I'm sorry, I don't think I will drink like that again any time soon," I responded self-consciously.

"No I mean here," he said with a sly smile, patting the bed.

I back handed his chest playfully and turned to roll up beside him.

"Too bad you have to go to work soon," I told him pressing my palm on his chest, playing with his skin under my finger tips.

"Unless my alarm clock broke," he said grinning and raising his eyebrows. I smiled my approval and he pulled me into him, our bodies fitting perfectly together like corresponding puzzle pieces.

* * *

Jax was taking a quick shower for work so I decided it was probably time to get up for the day. My body was sore but I didn't mind it. I threw some shorts and a v-neck tee on, knowing once he left I could shower and get dressed again. I threw my hair up in a messy bun and proceeded to the kitchen to make some coffee. I felt elated, never expecting things to go this quickly, but not regretting it either. Everything just felt so right. I might have even been humming a little as I poured my milk into my coffee.

"Someone's happy," Jax said with a huge smirk as he walked into the kitchen and swatted me on the butt.

"Very funny," I replied, leaning against the counter with my cup. "You want coffee?"

"No, I have to get going before Clay goes ape shit," he responded as he slipped on his long sleeve flannel, buttoning it up over his white t-shirt. He looked up at me smiling and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. "I'll call you later tonight, enjoy your day off."

"Thanks," I smiled at him as he headed out the door. I sat down and drank my coffee at the table by the window and smiled so much my cheeks started aching. I looked outside noticing the cloudless sky and decided today would be the perfect day to wash my car.

I gathered up a bucket, some soap, a sponge and a rag and made my way out front to search for the hose. I turned it on and sprayed my car down to get it wet before I put the soap on. As I was filling the bucket with water to make some suds I noticed my neighbor across the street coming out his door. I looked down and turned the hose off, placing the sponge in the water and getting it all sudsy.

"Hi!" my neighbor shouted at me from across the street, he was an older man in his fifties.

I looked up and waved hello and went back to my project.

"Excuse me?" I looked back up at him and he was squinting at me, his hand over his glasses. He had his other hand up in the air, trying to get my attention so I put the stuff down and walked to the end of my driveway. He came across the street and met me there.

"I just wanted to know how your mom is doing?" he asked and scratched his salt and pepper mustache. My heart dropped and my mouth went dry.

"She's doing ok, thanks for asking," I said not wanting to get into my personal business with my neighbor.

"Oh good, I was so concerned since the night the ambulance came and I had been looking to ask you but haven't seen you at the house since then." He stated rubbing his chin, obviously a nervous guy.

Ambulance? Ambulance? I suddenly felt very weak and dizzy.

"You saw the ambulance take her?" I asked him, my voice faltering and my palms starting to sweat.

"Yeah they took her out of your house on the stretcher, and another lady rode with her to the hospital. Did you not know?" He asked.

"No, I knew, I just didn't know anyone saw," I answered, trying to hide the truth. "I wasn't at home that night."

"Yeah, I know, I didn't see you. I heard a lot of screaming and the sound of breaking glass and the next thing I knew the police and ambulance were here." He informed me. "I don't really know what went on there, but I'm glad that she's ok."

"Yeah, I've got to get going now, but thanks for asking." I said turning quickly and almost running back into my house. When I closed the door behind me my back fell against it and I slid to the floor. I put my head in my hands, my breathing was labored and my world fainting around me as the panic set in.


	13. Chapter 13

*****Thank you to all my new followers, my loyal reviewers and anyone who takes their time to read this. I appreciate it so much and I always get excited to read a new review or PM so don't hesitate to tell me what you think. I really hope you guys are liking this story!*****

Chapter 13

What do I do? What do I do? What does this mean? Why was my mom in an ambulance? Why did Jax lie to me? What the hell do I do and where do I start? So much shit was swirling around in my head that I just wanted to get in my car and drive away, never looking back. As for my mom, I didn't know where to start, maybe St. Thomas, the local hospital. If she was there I knew I would be able to see her and find out what had happened. If she wasn't I had no idea where to look. As for Jax, I was so euphoric before, my heart was filling with so many different feelings for him, he seemed like the perfect guy for me, a perfect fit emotionally and physically. But now I questioned everything. Why would he not tell me she went away in an ambulance? I had asked him specifically if anything serious had happened. He said I should trust him. And now here I was sinking through the floor of my house with an ugly shocking truth.

The angry side of me wanted to go down to Teller-Morrow and confront him right here and now. Scream and yell and make a scene. Demand answers and tell him to go to hell. But what if he had an explanation that made perfect sense? And it wasn't in me to do that in front of all the guys he worked with, especially when he was late already going in today. But that's the problem with me, I cared too much about other people's feelings. I felt so betrayed and used. Did he want me to forget about my mom so he could snake his way in and add me to the list of women in Charming he slept with?

The rational side of me decided that the only way to get the truth was to think of a smart way to confront him. Showing up at his job would not earn me anything except most likely him shutting me out. I had to focus on my mom first and worry about him later, even though the cut was fresh on_ that_ wound.

I took a shower to clear my head. I needed to be very specific about what my plan was. If I get in the car and just aimlessly drive I will only upset myself more and lose focus on what I'm supposed to be doing. I did believe Gemma's words that my mom was in a safe place that could help her. Maybe I would stop by her house first on the off chance she was at home. I got dressed in a white v-neck, jeans shorts and navy converse, threw my hair up in a quick pony tail and headed out on my search for answers.

My first stop was Gemma's house. There were no cars in the driveway but I stopped anyways just in case. After knocking and waiting for 10 minutes or so I was satisfied enough to move on.

My next stop was St. Thomas. I walked into the main lobby and up to the information booth. There was a happy looking middle aged woman sitting behind the desk.

"Can I help you miss?" she asked me with a pleasant smile from behind her round glasses.

"Yes, I was wondering if you could tell me if someone has been admitted? I'm looking for my mother and I have reason to believe she might be here." I informed her.

"Sure sweetie, I can tell you if she is currently a patient, but that's all the information I am able to give out unfortunately." She told me with a slight frown.

"It's a start at least," I figured, "Her name is Lorraine Sullivan but it's possible she could be under her maiden name Murphy."

"OK give me a minute to check this out, if you want you can have a seat right over there." She directed me to a line of cushioned blue chairs against the wall. I went over and sat in one to show I was willing to cooperate. I sat shaking my leg up and down and chewing on my cuticles for what seemed like an eternity when she finally peeked her head up and motioned me over with her hand.

"OK sweetie, I'm sorry to tell you that there is no one here by either of those names. Do you mind if I ask why you thought she could be here?" she asked.

"Well, my neighbor said he saw her taken away in an ambulance and it just seemed like the logical place." I stated with some frustration, pushing my hair behind my ear.

"It's possible she was here at some point, just at this time she isn't. If I were you I would go to the police station and maybe they could be of more help." She advised me.

"Thank you so much for all of your help," I said to her and hurried out the hospital doors to my car. That's exactly where I was headed next, the police station. If they were there that night I would definitely get some answers. I drove straight there, I was on a mission and nothing was distracting me now. With every stop I was gaining more confidence that I was on the right track and would finally get the information that I needed.

I went into the station and over to the front desk.

"Is there something you need help with?" a male police officer sitting behind the desk, looking bored asked me.

"Yes, I am trying to find my mother, I heard that the police were at my house last Saturday night and she was taken away by ambulance but the hospital told me she's not there and said I might have luck getting information from you."

"Sure can I have your name, date of birth and see your driver's license please?" he asked. This puzzled me but I gave it to him anyway.

"Maybe if Officer Leahy is here, I think he knows what this is about." I offered.

"Officer Leahy?" he asked.

"Yes." I answered.

"OK, have a seat and I'll be right with you."

This time when I took a seat I waited even longer and it was on an uncomfortable wooden bench. It was about 45 minutes for someone to even acknowledge me again.

"Miss Sullivan, I knew we would talk again soon," Officer Leahy practically sang out in a perverse way as he came over to me.

"Hi, I am hoping you can help me," I said to him, trying to be polite.

"Sure, come with me over to my desk," he said and I followed him over to an old orange and brown cubicle. He straightened out his pants and tie and sat after I took a seat. "So what can I help you with today?"

"I was actually looking for information about my mother, I had been under the impression she was somewhere else, but then today my neighbor had mentioned that the cops came to my house last Saturday night and she had been taken away by ambulance. So I tried the hospital and they don't have her as being a patient there so now I'm trying you."

"Well I don't know anything of us being called to your house, or an ambulance for that matter," he informed me leaving me more confused.

"Really?" I asked bewildered.

"Yes we were definitely not called out to your house," he said and narrowed his eyes as if thinking hard about something.

"I don't know why my neighbor would tell me that if it wasn't true. I guess it could be possible that he was lying." I said feeling very confused about how things were now unfolding.

"So where were _you_ on Saturday night?" he asked me, leaning forward.

"Me?"

"Yes you, what were _you_ doing?"

"Well, well I had been working…" I started.

"Yes but not at night at a flower shop," he said, making it sound like I was trying to lie.

"Right, and then I went over to my mom's friend's house."

"What friend?"

"Her friend Gemma,"

"Gemma Teller Morrow?"

"Yes," I was beginning to feel like I was being interrogated and I shifted in my chair uneasily.

"So why were you over there?"

"Well because Gemma was going to talk to my mom and Jax wanted me to stay there so they could have their talk alone." I told him.

"Jax Teller?"

"Yes… I'm not sure how this is helping." I said feeling very uncomfortable about his line of questioning.

"It's helping me to form a timeline….and what is your relationship with Jackson Teller?" he asked, staring at me intensely. Now I just wanted to get the hell out of there, but before I could answer we were interrupted.

"Excuse me Officer Leahy but I might be able to help Miss Sullivan, do you mind if I take her off your hands?" another officer said, then turning to me, "Hello Miss Sullivan, I'm Chief Unser, why don't you come along with me." He extended his hand and I took it. As I passed by him he placed his hand on my shoulder and brought me into a separate office and closed the door. He was an older man but very pleasant and warm, making me feel very safe unlike Leahy.

"Have a seat," Chief Unser said to me, pulling me out a chair. "You looking for your mom?" he circled the desk and sat down behind it.

"Yes, but I'm starting to feel very confused about everything. My neighbor said the police were at my house and Officer Leahy says no. But I thought for sure he'd know what I was talking about."

"Well I think I can help you, Gemma is one of my closest friends," he said to me with a smile.

I smiled back and felt some relief, somebody seemed to be on my side.

"I was at your house that night, I did it as a favor to Gemma so it's kind of on the DL if you know what I mean." He said with a look of seriousness. His eyes were so kind that I felt comfortable keeping his secret.

"I understand."

"I'm going to tell you what happened but it's to give you peace of mind. It's probably going to upset you so I just want you to be prepared." He continued.

"OK, yes please tell me," I said anxiously.

"So, Gemma called me over there. She was trying to get your mom to go into rehab. Your mom had agreed to go and then changed her mind, then she changed her mind again and she kept going back and forth. Apparently while this was happening she was going in and out of her room and drinking and getting very intoxicated. Eventually she was so drunk she was fighting Gemma about going, so Gemma called Jax over. When Jax came over they discovered the bottles your mom had been drinking out of and confronted her. She broke one over her dresser and took a piece and began threatening to hurt someone or herself with it. So Gemma called me. I was able to put her into a facility under a 5150 hold which usually happens when someone is unstable and threatens harm on themselves or others. But, unfortunately she did manage to cut herself good with the broken glass and had to be transported to the hospital first for some medical care."

"How bad was she hurt?"

"She got herself real good and had a bunch of bleeding. But they stitched her up and she has since been moved to the rehab facility."

I sat there quiet, deep in thought. I wasn't sure how I felt as I tried to let it all sink in.

"If you'd like I can take you over there and see if they will give you information. But I can't promise anything, those rehab facilities can be really tight lipped." He said looking at me.

"If you could that would be great," I answered him.

"OK sweetheart, come with me this way and I'll show you where my cruiser is." He made his way out his door and over to the front of the building. I followed along still trying to comprehend what he had said. We got into his car and he headed towards a small highway that directed us southbound out of town.

"You OK?" Unser asked me as we were driving.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully.

"Alcoholism is a hard thing, it can rip a family apart," he stated.

"Yeah," I said looking out the window. "Thanks for your help today."

"Sure, that's what I'm here for." He said. The rest of the car ride was silent. We finally turned into the parking lot of the rehab which resembled a home more than anything. "New Horizons" it read on the sign.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" he asked as he put the car in park.

"Yeah maybe," I said thinking they might give me more information if I had a police officer with me.

We walked into the rehabilitation center waiting room and I went up to the glass window. The girl behind it was on the phone so I waited patiently for her to get off.

"Visiting hours are only on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 1-3," she informed me, she was barely in her twenties like me and I felt like smacking that attitude right off her face.

"I'm here to get information on my mom, Lorraine Sullivan," I stated, glaring at her but considering rethinking that strategy.

"And you are?" she asked clicking her pen.

"Ashley Sullivan," I answered.

"Have a seat," she told me.

"I'm Chief Unser, not sure if I can be of any assistance." Unser said from behind me.

"I'll be right with you," she said and walked away. I felt like shoving my arm through the little hole in the glass and pulling her by the neck to slam her head against it.

Unser stood in the corner of the room but I kept my post by the window.

"We don't have you on our list of people we can give information to, so we are not able to tell you anything." She came back out to inform me.

"Is my mom here?" I asked.

"I'm not able to tell you that."

"Can you tell her that I want to see her?"

"Sorry I am not able to do that."

"Can you take my name and phone number and have a doctor call me? I would like to know what's going on with my mother."

"If you would like to leave information I can pass it along but I can't promise you will get any response." She answered sliding me a paper and pen and I scribbled my info.

"There's no way you can give us a status update, we know she is here," Chief Unser said.

"I'm sorry, there is nothing I am able to tell you. It's the law." She answered.

I felt frustrated and wanted to strangle the bitch but I went outside figuring getting away was the best thing. Chief Unser followed me and we went to his car.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, but I figured this would happen. They never give any info unless the patient puts you on a list to receive it." He said unlocking the doors for us to get in. It pissed me off that my mom wouldn't want me to have information. Did she think I really abandoned her? Was this still some way to abuse me? I was more angry than sad right now and I just stared straight ahead.

We were driving along for about twenty minutes or so, listening to some random things coming over his radio when I heard a strange noise. Must be the police radio frequency or something I thought, but the noise just got louder and louder.

"Shit," Unser said staring in his rear view mirror. I looked behind us and saw about six guys on their motorcycles, one of them coming up close to his bumper. Unser slowed down and pulled to the side. I could tell that Clay was the one who was riding the back of Unser's car, I also noticed Jax.

"Just stay in here," Unser said to me before getting out of the car. I watched him in the rear view go to the back of the car. Clay had gotten off his bike and seemed to be having a heated conversation with the chief. I didn't want to turn around because I didn't want Jax knowing I was there. I scooted down in the seat a little so no one would see me. Why was Jax here anyway, wasn't he supposed to be at the shop? After a few minutes I heard someone shout. "There's someone in the car!" Oh shit.

I sat there very still knowing I was about to be found out. This was not the way I wanted this to go down. A knock came thumping hard on my window and I turned seeing it was Jax and he did not look happy.

"Get out of the car," he said.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I rolled down the window about an inch, "I think I am just going to stay in here thanks," I informed him, unable to take the look on his face for any length of time so I turned to stare forward.

"Get out of the car," he repeated, I wasn't lost to the harsh tone in his voice that barely escaped through his clenched teeth and I was honestly so pissed at him that I didn't see how this was going to go well for anybody. I opened the door and stepped outside of it facing Jax.

"Oh shit," I heard one of them say. Jax just stared at me hard, I had no idea what he was thinking and why he had any right to be mad.

"What the fuck Unser?!" I heard Clay yell. I was still locking stares with Jax.

"There's nothing to worry about Clay," Unser assured him. I glanced over to them wondering why he would have to say that.

"Jax, get her out of here and meet us in church in 30 minutes." Clay ordered him.

"Let's go," he said and walked over to his bike, all eyes were on me as I followed him. I reluctantly got on, feeling like a child who was in big trouble. He started the bike up and tore off down the road, proving to me he was pissed off too. "Charming PD?" he called back over his shoulder.

"Yes," I answered, now a little scared, my confidence in telling him off was quickly running away. We pulled into the police station and up next to my car.

"What the fuck were you doing with Unser?" he asked me as I got off.

"What do you think I was doing?" I asked him, my confidence reappearing after the way he had just questioned me.

He narrowed his eyes and got off his bike. "I thought I told you to trust me."

"And I did, until my nosy neighbor informed me that my mom went away on a stretcher that night!" I exclaimed, a little too loud for the parking lot, which I realized and moved towards my car.

"So how did you end up with Unser?" he questioned, avoiding my accusation, leaning on his right hand on the roof of my car.

"I had thought that's why Officer Leahy was stalking me but it wasn't. Unser overheard me asking him about her." I said feeling cornered.

"What do you mean Leahy was stalking you?"

"Not stalking, just being a creep and showing up trying to send me messages or something."

"What kind of messages?"

"Like that he keeps the bad out of Charming, I thought he was insinuating my mom." I said as he stared down at me and a feeling started to form in the pit of my stomach. I moved to open my door.

Jax came up close beside me and grabbed my hand away from the door, "We need to talk about this."

"I don't really think this is the right time, I'm so angry right now," I said, not looking at him.

"I was only trying to protect you," he told me.

"Protect me? Or take advantage of me?" I said angrily.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he said, his jaw tensing.

"You know what I'm talking about. I do not want to be one of your town conquests. Amanda warned me about you, I just didn't listen."

"Amanda," he repeated, his jaw tensing again.

"You should probably go, Clay sounded pissed," I said.

He rubbed his chin with his hand and didn't move for a minute. Then he turned and got on his bike and left. I got in my car and leaned my head back on my seat. I felt terrible. My heart ached and I knew it was because I believed him. I believed he had done what he thought was best. He didn't want me to know what my mom had done, he wanted to spare me from that pain and worry and while I didn't agree with what he did, I understood. I was so caught up in my anger that I had just lashed out at him. I started up my car and headed towards home. I was emotionally wiped out from all that had happened today. At least I had my answers, the ball was now in my mom's court and I knew she was safe so I wouldn't have to constantly be worried anymore. That was one huge weight off my shoulders.

I decided to stop at the grocery store for some ice cream on my way home. I figured it might help make me feel better. Chocolate fudge brownie, maybe chocolate sprinkles and whipped cream, why not? It would help take my mind off the waiting game I was about to play with Jax until things would hopefully be set right again. I got home and made a heaping mountain of a sundae before settling myself on the couch. I looked at my cell phone and decided what I needed to do.

_"I'm sorry"_ I texted him.

I turned on the TV and got comfortable, pulling my throw blanket over my legs. After a couple of hours or so my doorbell rang. I quickly got up and went to answer it, hoping it was Jax.

"Hey Ash!" It was Donna, "I brought you dinner," she said holding up a brown paper bag.

"Thanks, where are the kids?" I asked looking around, trying to hide my disappointment.

"Opie's parents are watching them so I picked us up some Chinese." She said smiling and walking right past me into my kitchen. She began opening the bag and taking out the containers. "Where are your plates?"

I took some plates out and made us drinks.

"Thanks Donna, this was so nice of you, but you really didn't have to," I told her as she moved around busily.

"Don't be silly, I told you we needed to hang out soon. So what are you up to anyway?' she questioned me.

"I was just vegging out watching TV," I answered her. "How did you know I would be home?"

"Uh, well, I just guessed," she said unconvincingly, "I need soy sauce do you see any?"

I saw a packet in the bag and tossed it to her. "So what's Opie up to? Still working?" I asked her.

"Um, no, Clay has them going out of town," she answered, purposely avoiding my curious gaze.

"Oh, really? Again? How long this time?" I asked her.

"Just a couple of days hopefully," she said looking up at me, then sighing, "Ok fine, Jax asked me to come check up on you," she was obviously having a hard time keeping that secret.

A smile formed on my lips. "He did?"

"Yeah," she answered, "but don't tell him I told you."

I laughed, feeling like I was in high school again, "I won't Donna."

"He had asked if I could stop by because he had to go out of town. He looked really concerned about you. Of course I said yes and didn't really question why, you don't need to tell me." she said with a curious look on her face.

"That's so sweet," I said to myself, half realizing I had said it out loud.

"It was," she said.

I smiled again, my face feeling hot, "So wow, good thing Opie's parents are helping you." I said changing the subject.

"Yeah tell me about it, this shit is getting really old," she answered. "So is everything ok between you two?"

"I hope so," I said.

"From the look on his face Ash, I'm sure it will be," she stated with a genuine look. I was glad she said what she did. Donna stayed at my house for a couple of hours before leaving to go pick up her kids. We talked and ate ice cream, making fun of people on TV. It was exactly the kind of night I needed, a little bit of normalcy back in my life.

* * *

"Times must be desperate when people like that get jobs," I heard a familiar voice and turned to see Gemma in the flower shop.

"Hey Gemma," I said.

"Hey honey," she said giving me a quick hug. "What the hell was Bill thinking hiring her. That bitch has something wedged up her ass I don't think Columbus could find."

I laughed and turned to see Amanda glaring our way.

"I don't know, she seems to have something against your family," I told her.

"Yeah, seems my son has made a few waves," she looked at me thoughtfully, "How's everything going?"

"Good, I've been keeping myself busy," I answered her. I had the feeling she didn't know about my little escapade the day before and I wasn't about to volunteer that information.

"So do you get off soon? I could really use some company for dinner." She said to me.

"Go ahead Ashley, it's dead in here anyways." Amanda volunteered, eavesdropping.

Gemma opened her mouth to say something so I quickly answered, "Thanks Amanda," I grabbed my purse and went out front with Gemma.

"I don't know how you do it, I'd have strangled her skinny ass by now."

"She's not that bad to me," I answered her smiling.

"You're too nice, we need to work on that. Come on, let's take my car."

We drove over to Gemma's house. When we walked inside the house smelled like she had been cooking for hours.

"I was cooking all this food and had no one to eat it with. The boys have gone out of town and although I should enjoy the quiet time, I'm bored as hell."

I laughed at that. "So how's the shop been?" I asked her, trying to think of something light to talk about.

"It's been pretty slow. The workers are getting lazy. And then Jax was late yesterday, said something about his alarm clock breaking," she said as she made some plates up, "Funny thing was he wasn't home that morning."

She might have heard me swallow.

"So how's he been treating you?" she asked turning to look at me.

"Fine," I answered feeling uncomfortable about discussing that topic with her.

"Normally I don't care what he does, but if you two are messing around I hope you both know what you're doing."

I just looked at her not sure how to respond to that.

"You're dealing with a lot of shit right now, that's all. I don't want to see either of you get hurt." She handed me a plate of food and sat down at the table. "Come on, sit."

I sat down and starting eating. Trying to think of something to say that wasn't about Jax or my mom. But I realized that might have been the purpose of her asking me here in the first place.

"This is delicious Gemma," I said to her.

"It's always good to know how to cook. It keeps your man happy," she started and I once again became uncomfortable, "and that will give you some control. They like to feel like they are in control and powerful, but sometimes they can be so stupid. Us women have the power to get them to see things the right way, we can paint a clear picture. They will even think they came up with the ideas themselves."

It got quiet and I jumped when I heard the door open. Gemma looked confused and got up, going into the other room. I followed her and saw that Clay was home.

"Hey baby," he said to Gemma giving her a kiss, "Ashley." he said, giving me a look which said I had no business being with Unser yesterday.

"Hi Clay."

"What are you doing home already baby?" she asked him wrapping her hands around his waist.

"We hit some snags and had to head home," he answered.

"What kind of snags?" she asked and he glanced at me before answering.

"Well Bobby hit a snag."

I felt like I shouldn't be there for this conversation and I went to get my purse to leave, remembering I didn't have my car.

"How is Bobby now?" I heard Gemma ask him as I came back into the room.

"I'm going to head home Gemma, thanks for dinner," I said giving her a quick hug.

"Let me give you a ride, just give me a second," she replied.

"OK, I'll meet you outside, no rush." I nodded to Clay as I went out the door.

When I got outside Jax was on his phone in the driveway. It was dark out except for the bright light from the full moon and his back was towards me.

"Well we have to wait for Clay to call it, but if Hobart goes with you it should be fine," he said and turned hearing me behind him. "Hey Ope, gotta go," he flipped the phone closed and looked at me. He had a cut above his left eye over an inch long and another smaller one on his upper left cheek.

"Are you here to tell me off again?" he asked with a slight smirk.

"What happened to your face?" I asked ignoring him.

"Hit a pothole in the road," he answered too quickly.

"A snag?" I asked.

"Yeah," he answered.

"Did Bobby hit one too?" I asked him. Now I was wondering what they had all been up to for the past day.

A strange look crossed his face, "Yeah he did."

"I heard Clay telling Gemma," I said answering his look.

"I didn't see your car," he pointed out.

"Gemma picked me up from work, she's bringing me back now."

"I'll bring you back," he offered. Gemma and Clay came out into the driveway. "I'll bring her Ma."

"Jax," Clay said.

"I'll be back," Jax answered. I noticed Jax had a knife on his belt. I looked back up at him and he had seen me looking at it. "You ready?"

"Yeah."

We drove to my work to pick up my car. We were silent with each other and I noticed he was following me home.

When I got out of my car he was parking his bike. I unlocked my front door and stepped inside, turning to talk to him. His lips crashed down against mine and he kissed me eagerly pushing me further inside my house, kicking the door closed behind him. I locked my arms around his neck as my lips began to move with desperation. I wanted so much for everything to be right between us. He pushed me back against the kitchen island and lifted me up on top of it.

I pulled away breathless looking at his face.

"Does it hurt?" I asked him touching near his cuts. The one looked pretty deep.

"No, it looks worse than it feels." he answered and started to kiss my neck.

"Why do you have a knife Jax?" I asked him.

"I carry it on long rides," he said stopping and looking at me. "Did Unser tell you everything?"

"I think so," I said nodding.

"Did he take you to see her?"

"She didn't want to see me, but it's fine, I know where she is and hopefully she's serious about getting help."

He looked at me and nodded, giving me a small smile before kissing me again.

"Do me a favor and let me know the next time Leahy bothers you." He said pulling back slightly, his hands on the counter on either sides of me.

"OK, but he's a cop Jax, I don't think you should tell him to back off or anything," I said, he was looking intently at me, obviously thinking. "Besides, he's just a creepy guy wanting to look powerful, I'm sure he's really harmless." I hoped I convinced him to let it go.

"Those are the worst kind," he said.

"Do you have to go back home?" I asked him ready to change the subject.

"Yeah, but not yet." He answered grinning. I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him close to kiss him. I didn't want to talk anymore, I just wanted to take advantage of the time we had and make things perfect between us again. I could tell by the urgent way he was kissing me that he felt the same way.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

The last couple of weeks had been going really well. Gemma had informed me that the rehab center wanted my mom to stay for the 60 day program, it would give her a better chance of succeeding once she was out. She was still refusing any visitors but just knowing where she was and how she was doing was enough to relieve me of most of my stress and worry. Things between me and Jax just kept getting better and better too, and life was pretty great.

On Friday I went over to Jax's house to meet up with him. We were planning on going over to Opie's to hang out with him and Donna. They had decided to keep it low key (much to my relief) since I was such a light weight and Donna was such a lush, it would be less stressful on them if we hung out at home. I still did my hair, letting it hang down in loose waves, put make-up on and traded my converse for Grecian looking black sandals. I kept my outfit simple with short black shorts and a flowing studded black cami.

I was waiting on the couch for Jax to finish showering after work when Clay walked in. I cringed, every time I saw that man I felt super intimidated, even just looking at his face.

"Ashley," he said acknowledging me.

"Hi Clay," I said trying to be polite. I knew he didn't like me but I tried anyway.

"Where's Jax?" he asked me.

"He's in the bathroom getting ready." I answered him nicely.

"You going out?" he asked.

"We're just going to Opie's." I answered him.

Clay walked back to the bathroom and I wondered why he was always up Jax's ass. I heard him banging on the door.

"Let me in," he said to Jax.

I heard the door open and shut and I could hear them talking, not really able to make out any words, just muffled noises. I did however hear what Clay had to say as he opened the door to come out, and I'm pretty sure he planned it that way.

"I just don't want you distracted by some tight pussy." He said and came out where I was sitting, staring me down. He walked past me and into the kitchen. Clay was such a disrespectful asshole. I wondered how Gemma could even love him.

"You ready," Jax said as he came out.

"Very," I said, thankful to get out of there.

* * *

The mood lightened up once we got to Opie's house. We had decided to hang out on the back porch so we wouldn't wake the kids up if we got a little loud. We were just sitting around bullshitting and enjoying each others company. It was nice to see everyone so happy.

"So Jax, you guys need to stop taking all these road trips," Donna said to Jax as he stood up to smoke.

He glanced over at Opie, "I can't help it Donna, it's work."

"Yeah but it's getting annoying now, not having the help with my kids."

"Donna," Opie started.

"Just saying, that's all," she said.

"Donna, come with me and help me get more drinks and chips." Opie told her as he stood up and she followed him, going inside. I got up from my chair and walked over to where Jax was standing, feeling a little awkward from that conversation.

"You tired of all the road trips too?" he asked flicking his cigarette away.

"I guess it's a little lonely." I answered him.

"You doing ok with your mom gone?" he asked with a concerned look in his eyes.

"I love how you're always so concerned about me," I said to him, smiling.

"You love that?" he asked smiling back.

"Yeah."

He paused. "I love that you're so sweet."

I smiled and stretched up to kiss him.

"You taste sweet too," he said as he kissed me back. "...everywhere."

"Stop," I said hitting him lightly and pushing him away.

"What? It's true...you're like a soft juicy peach," he said laughing.

"Stop it, that's disgusting," I said.

"It's not disgusting, it's hot," he said smirking at me. "And now that you mention it..."

"I didn't mention it."

"I love peaches."

"Stop!"

"Eh hem," Opie cleared his throat, making his presence known as they came back onto the porch.

"I have Peach Schnapps if you guys want some," Donna volunteered, coming out after Opie and obviously not hearing our whole conversation.

"No Donna, that's not necessary," I answered embarrassed.

"I'll take some Donna, I'm in the mood for it," Jax proudly stated.

"I'm sure you are," Opie said.

"I'll be right back," she said as she headed back in the house. I glared at Jax as he smiled at how funny he was.

"Sooo," Opie said.

"Everything good with her?" Jax asked him.

"Yeah it's fine." He answered. "Haven't told her yet about tomorrow. I'm sure I'll get some shit about it, maybe I'll wait until after she's had a few more drinks tonight." He smiled to himself, impressed with his great idea. Donna came back out with a drink for Jax and herself.

"I love the peach one too, it's my favorite," Donna said to Jax.

"It's my favorite too," Jax said and looked at me.

"Wow, Jax and I have something in common," she stated as if a miracle had occurred.

Jax opened up his mouth to say something as Opie jumped in. "Don't get any ideas."

"Well, I like Blue Ribbon, Blue Moon, Blue Balls, anything with blue in it," I warned Jax, glancing at him.

"Alright, I'm stopping," Jax said as Opie laughed.

* * *

I had be at work by 11 a.m. Sunday but I was having a hard time dragging myself out of bed at 10, pressing snooze one too many times. Jax had been over the night before but had left after I fell asleep. I hurriedly locked my front door and ran to my car. I jumped in, starting it up and began to pull out when a police car stopped behind me, blocking me in. I rolled my window down and stuck my head out to ask them nicely to move when I noticed Leahy in the passenger seat.

"Ashley!" he exclaimed a little too excitedly.

"Hi Officer Leahy, it's nice to see you, but I'm running late if you wouldn't mind moving so I can get out," I said hoping that would be enough for him to leave.

"Oh Ashley, I'd love to I really would, but I'm actually going to need you to come down to the station with me for a little while."

"What? No, I can't, I have to work." I told him.

"Don't worry about work, we will let them know. Please cooperate and this will go much more quickly."

"Can I ask what this is regarding?" I asked, my nerves starting to act up.

"We can talk once we get down to the station, now come along," he said with his creepy sing song voice. All I could think of was Jax. Maybe I should text him, but maybe not because I didn't want him doing anything stupid. I hesitantly got out of my car and opened the back door of the police cruiser. I felt like a criminal riding in the back. Once we got to the station, Leahy led me to a room with only a table, chairs and a big glass window on one of the walls.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asked.

"No thanks," I answered, thinking I wouldn't be there very long.

He left me sitting in there for at least an hour before he came back in with his coffee, closing the door and sitting across from me.

"So Ashley, how are you doing today?" he asked me.

"Not so good, I am missing work and it's a new job. Could you tell me what's going on?" I asked him.

"I just have some questions for you. If you answer them and cooperate we will have you out of here in no time." He stated.

"OK." I answered.

"Can you tell me where you were last night?" he started.

"I was at home."

"And were you alone?" He glanced up from his pad and pen to look me in the eyes.

"No I had company."

"Who was your company."

"Jax."

"Jax Teller?"

"Yes." And he scribbled it down.

"And he was with you the whole night?"

"Yes." I lied.

"What is your relationship with Donna Winston?" he asked.

"She's my friend, we just started being friends since I've moved here, why?"

He was scribbling again, "Just answer and it will go quicker. What about her husband?"

"We've been friends since we were kids."

"What do you know about SAMCRO?" he asked.

"It's a motorcycle club." I answered.

"And what do you _know_ about it?"

"It's a bunch of guys, they like motorcycles and ride them around, fix them up and ride them some more."

"This is going to take a very long time if you aren't going to be forthcoming." He said sternly as he looked up at me again.

"I am answering all of your questions truthfully." I responded innocently.

"Let's go back to Teller, what is your relationship with him?"

"Well, I don't know, we never really discussed it, but I guess we're together."

"You're his old lady?" he asked.

"I wouldn't say that."

"So what do they consider you, a sweet butt?"

"Excuse me? I don't need to answer those questions. I'm sure I can just leave if I want to." He wrote something down on his pad of paper.

"No, that won't be necessary, let's move on. Has Teller ever talked to you about the club?" he asked.

"No he hasn't."

"Have you ever heard Gemma, Clay or Jax talk to each other about the club?"

"Probably, I really don't remember anything specific." I knew what was going on. I had been suspecting things but maybe not acknowledging them for a little while now. What things I wasn't sure. But at this moment I was glad I didn't know.

"Have you ever been in the club house?" he asked.

"Yes when I was little and one time since we moved back. I had to pick my mom up from there and I was only in there a few minutes."

Leahy sighed and wiped his face with his hand.

"Is this why you have been following me?" I asked him.

"Do you want this to go quickly?" he reminded me.

"Can I have a water?"

"Sure I'll be right back."

Over an hour later he came back with the water and his partner. The partner stood in front of the door as Leahy sat back down.

"Do you know what Jax's involvement in SAMCRO is?" he asked, taking his pad back out.

"He's a member?"

All of a sudden I heard the sound of someone shrieking. I got nervous and strained trying to look out of the window. I saw a female police officer leading Donna down the hallway and past my window. She had her head in her hands and was crying hysterically. I stood up and made my way to the door but the other cop stood blocking it with his body.

"What's Donna doing here? What's going on?" I asked getting nervous, "Let me out so I can go see her."

"Miss Sullivan please have a seat," he said to me.

"No, and I'm pretty sure you can't force me to stay here. Why is she crying? Is it Opie?" I started raising my voice towards him. "What the hell is going on?"

"If you don't calm down we will have to put you in restraints and then you risk being arrested. It's in your best interest to answer our questions willingly at this point."

"That doesn't sound right. What's going on here? Tell me!"

"What's going on here is that you are smack dab in the middle of a lot of criminal activity. And if you have no involvement in it, it would be in your best interest to answer all of our questions willingly and truthfully. Or else we have no other choice but to assume you are somehow involved."

There was a knock at the door and the cop who was blocking it moved to the side to let the person in. At first I was confused, I couldn't understand why Mark was walking into the room. Mark from the flower shop, Mark from the bar. And then I realized.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"Thank you Officer Leahy, I can take over from here." Mark said as he came over to the table and placed a briefcase on top of it. He unbuttoned his suit jacket and pulled a small pad and pen out of it before sitting down in the chair across from me.

"Mark right? Is it really Mark or something else?" I asked as Leahy left the room.

"It's Mark, Mark Carlucci, I'm a special agent with the ATF." He informed me moving his briefcase onto the floor beside him.

"So you weren't buying flowers for your mom?"

"No," he answered.

"This is bullshit, you and Leahy following me." I was shocked, I rubbed my fingers on my temples, feeling a migraine coming on.

"I'm sorry about that, but I was just doing my job." He said, his dark brown eyes looking genuine.

"So what do you want from me? Because I just want to get this over with so I can leave." I looked at my watch and it was now past 5 p.m.

"Will you stay and talk with me for a little while longer? I just want to show you some things, talk to you." He asked, his voice pleasant and calming.

I looked at him skeptically.

"Listen, I just want to help you. I believe that you haven't done anything wrong. But things don't look very good right now and I need your cooperation to be able to help you out." He placed his hands together and shifted slightly forward on the table as he tried to reason with me.

"How can they not look good? I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't even do something that could _look _wrong." I stated in disbelief.

"Well it's more or less the company you've been keeping." He answered.

"Let's just get this over with please," I surrendered, looking at the table.

"SAMCRO," he started, "we believe they have a heavy involvement in a gun smuggling operation here in California."

"What? That's crazy!" I couldn't believe what he had just said. Gun smuggling? Even if I was starting to be suspicious of something, it wasn't anything like that, that was more than I could even imagine.

"No actually it's not. That's why I've been called in. I specialize in crimes that have to do with firearms." He informed me.

"I know what ATF means."

"Gun running is a serious crime Miss Sullivan. Not to mention the numerous other crimes that we are also investigating them on."

He had my full attention as I looked up at him.

"We arrested Opie Winston last night for arson."

So that explained Donna. My headache started to pound.

"I need you to try and think if you may have heard anything, seen anything, that didn't seem right to you. Anything that didn't seem like Teller was just a mechanic who rides motorcycles as a hobby. Anything odd."

"There is nothing to tell you, I have never even seen a gun in my life, except maybe on a police officer, but definitely never on Jax." I couldn't believe what he was expecting from me.

"Ashley, I know you care about him, maybe there is a way we can help him too." He said, preying on my weakness.

"I'm not worried about me, I have never even gotten a speeding ticket. And I'm not worried about Jax. He has a heart of gold, he's a great guy and would never be involved in anything like this." I said, trying to even convince myself.

Mark sighed and took a folder out of his brief case. He opened it up and took some large photos out of it, lining them up on the table in front of me. They were pictures of semi trucks with their back doors pulled open and some of the SAMCRO guys standing around, another picture of a few of them with a Mexican guy holding a big gun. Jax was in a couple of them.

"What does this prove?" I asked.

"Ashley please let me help you. We have a lot of intel on them and at this point it's only a matter of time. You need to get away from them. It's a very dangerous situation and you will end up either getting seriously hurt or killed." Mark said with some urgency.

"I will never be in that situation, because it's not true." I said, looking at him in the eyes.

"Don't be so sure, when you're at war with other criminals, the first thing they do for retaliation or to make some sort of point is to go after the families and loved ones. I've seen it so many times." He leaned forward across the table and placed his hand on my arm.

"So what do you want from me?"

"Is there anything you can tell me? Anything at all? Maybe something that would point to someone else so we don't have to focus on Teller." He pulled his hand back to my relief.

"I don't know anything. I have never heard anything like this. I have never seen them with any guns, nothing." I said confidently, sitting up.

"OK..." He paused and leaned back in his chair, "Let's talk about your mom."

"Why do we need to do that?" He really needed to bring this up? What did it have to do with anything?

"Do you know what happened to her?" he asked me.

"Yes I know. I don't want to talk about her. I'm not her OK?" I couldn't believe this.

"Fine," he leaned back forward, "Let's talk about last night."

"OK."

"You were at home all night?" he asked.

"Yes."

"And Teller was with you all night?"

"Yes."

"Did you see him on the phone at all?"

"No."

"What time did he come to your house?"

"About 8." I answered, knowing how that sounded.

"Have you ever heard any conversations between Jax and Opie that didn't make any sense. Like they were making any plans?" he asked me.

"No and I don't know what you think Opie has done, but Jax did nothing. He was with me. And is that why is Donna here? You're questioning her too?"

"Yes, we are trying to exclude her so we don't have to arrest her as well."

"What? You might arrest her?! She has two little babies! And is that why I'm here? You want to arrest me too?!" I couldn't believe everything that was happening, my stomach was in knots. This was way too much information to have to process so quickly.

"No, no Ashley, I don't want to arrest you. I want to help you. I am very concerned for your well being. Please, I am being honest with you." He leaned forward again, touching my arm.

I pulled it away from him, "Sorry but I don't believe someone who lies to me, pretends he's someone he's not."

"Do you believe Teller?"

"Yes." I lied.

"OK listen, I will let you go, I can tell you really have no idea about any of this. My guess is they didn't tell you on purpose. Usually it's all or nothing in this situation. It's easier when it's nothing because they don't worry if you are followed, or taken in for questioning. You can't rat, which would actually make you more in danger when you walk out of here. But I'm still concerned about your safety when you leave. If you choose to confront Teller it will possibly put your life in jeopardy."

"You couldn't be more wrong," I said to him. My life?

"As I was saying, I am concerned for you once you leave here today. You don't seem to be accepting this reality. I am going to give you my cell number and you call it if you need to. At this point they still don't know that I am an ATF agent so if they find the number or hear you calling you won't have to worry about any backlash."

"I'm not worried."

"So, you're not questioning it at all? Even after looking at the pictures?" he asked.

"No," I lied.

"Well, use it if you need to and I will get you to safety. I can protect you, the right way. Just remember that I want to help you. I really hope that you are hearing me. So if you find yourself in trouble, please call me." He said, his eyes trying to look sincere.

"So I can leave?" I asked, standing up.

He stood up too, coming very close to me. "Yes, but if I can give you any advice, I would say don't try to confront Teller about this. I just think it will go very badly. Try to just act normal.

"Whatever you say," I responded. I wasn't playing into his game, if I questioned him it would look like I believed him. If I looked like I believed him, he would feel like he was right about them and that I knew more than I was saying.

I turned and walked out, knowing where my next stop would be.

* * *

I pulled into the Teller-Morrow parking lot and didn't notice anyone working in the shop. I got out of my car and headed straight for the club house, the pavement feeling light under my feet. As I approached it I heard Gemma come running from her office.

"Ashley!"

I kept walking, I had to talk to Jax.

"Ashley, no Ashley, get your ass back here!" she yelled at me.

I opened the doors of the club house and immediately turned and walked back out. What I saw in that brief moment validated everything that Mark had told me. Tig was _smiling_ holding a semi-automatic rifle, a few others were standing around a table with an arsenal on top of it, Clay was holding a gun in each hand and Jax, who had his back towards me was putting a handgun into the back of his waistband. I turned around right into Gemma and by the look on her face I could tell she was extremely pissed off.

"Oh no babydoll, now you have to go back inside." She told me as a stern warning. I didn't want to go back inside. She pulled me roughly by the arm back into the club house. Most of the guys weren't even fazed by what I had just witnessed, as if it was a normal every day occurrence. But Clay and Jax quickly came up to us as we walked back in.

"Jax, you have five minutes to fix this shit before we leave." Clay told Jax. I could see that Jax was wanting to talk to me about as much as I was him, _not at all_.

"I'll take her back," Gemma said, then turning to me, "Let's go." And she led me back to a bedroom in the back of the club house, Jax followed us in and closed the door.

"Did you not hear me calling you?" Gemma started, her harsh voice even angrier than before.

"I needed to talk to Jax."

"I was telling you to stop, when I tell you to stop, you stop, got it?" she said getting up close to me.

"Ma, relax," Jax said.

"I needed to talk to Jax and it was important."

"What was so important that you were ignoring me?" she questioned, her eyes narrowing at me.

I was trying to think of what to say. I didn't want to tell the truth and risk them doing something, thinking I said something to implicate them.

"Can I please talk to Jax?" I asked, figuring if he really cared about me this would be my best option.

"Anything you have to say to my son you can say with me here."

"Ma, enough, get out and let me talk to her." He started to get tough with her.

She looked at him and paused, thinking. "I will be right outside." She informed us as she walked back out. Jax locked the door and leaned against it, not looking at me.

"Can I talk to you without worrying what will happen?"

"Of course."

"So I guess Opie got arrested last night." I said, not sure how to start, but he didn't say anything. "Well Leahy blocked me from leaving my house this morning and took me down to the station."

That's when he decided to look at me.

"I saw Donna there, crying her eyes out and I got angry that Leahy wasn't telling me what was going on. I thought Opie had died or something."

"So what did you tell them?"

"I told them what I know, nothing. I told them they were crazy when they told me you were involved in gun running. I told them to leave you alone because you were a good person."

Someone banged on the door and Jax straightened up off of it.

"Jax open up."

He opened the door and it was a younger brown haired guy.

"Clay says he wants you out here now. He says she can't leave until this is all straightened out, so he wants me to watch her."

"OK." Jax said and came over to me. "When I come back we will talk." His eyes weren't angry but I couldn't read them. He turned around to leave.

"Jax, they are watching you guys." I told him, hoping to stop whatever he was about to do.

He didn't stop and walked past the guy on his way out, "Make sure she eats, keep Gemma away from her and don't think about trying anything." And he walked out the door.


	17. Chapter 17

*****Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I love when you do! Sorry I didn't get this up sooner, my computer lost half of this chapter so I had to rewrite it.*****

Chapter 17

I stood there in shock as I finally gained a moment to myself, trying to process the spinning whirlwind I was presently caught up in. Yes, shock, that was the best word to describe it. Usually when something happened that I wasn't prepared for I would react (most of the time overreact), be pissed off, upset, angry, sad, _something_. But this time, nothing. It was just so much information, too much to process, that I just felt numb. Almost as though the part of my brain that deals with stress just decided to close down for the day.

I did know that I was increasingly concerned about Clay. The way he was handling me made me feel very uneasy. The unnerving way he spoke to Jax. That I had to be "watched", not able to leave until the "situation" was handled, I was more than apprehensive about _him_ returning.

"You want something to eat?" my guard asked me, sticking his head in the door.

"No, I'm fine, but a drink and an aspirin would be good." I answered. My migraine still sat lingering, threatening at any moment to completely incapacitate me.

"OK, I'll be back in a few," he answered through the crack in the door. "I'm right out here so don't think about leaving or anything."

Geez. Was this guy for real. "Uh, OK."

He had told me right as Jax left that his name was Rob and he was a prospect, someone who wants to be a club member but is still trying to prove themselves. (I still don't know how any of that info even sunk in at that point). So I guess he got the shitty job of babysitting me while the rest of them were out doing God knows what. I couldn't even bring myself to think of what they could be doing, just the tiny bits of information I had already gathered was too much for me to handle at the moment.

I sat with my back against the headboard, thinking. I had no idea how long they would be gone and it was already going on 8 p.m. I thought about Donna and wondered how she was doing with all of this. It had been heart wrenching to see her like that at the station. I couldn't imagine taking care of two kids and having your husband in jail. I decided to text her to make sure she was alright.

_"Hey, I hope you're OK. I want to talk to you soon_." I texted.

Right away my phone buzzed back._ "Ashley, you won't believe what's going on. It's a fucking nightmare. Opie is in jail Ashley. JAIL."_

_"I will call you as soon as I can, please hang in there."_

_"I'm trying."_

For some reason, maybe because the reality of everything was hitting me very slow and sporadically, I took the time to think about what _not_ to write in my texts. I had taken the time to think of what I would say to the police, to Mark, Gemma and even to Jax. I guess maybe a part of me was prepared for something like this. I thought about the signs I seemed to miss. But maybe I didn't miss them, maybe I just wanted to think everything was perfect in my little cocoon world, maybe I purposely ignored the clues. But now thinking back, things started to make sense. The trips they would take for days at a time, the long nights, Clay's behavior, Jax's cuts on his face, his knife, Donna's suspicions. And now to think it had been gun running and _numerous_ other crimes, it didn't seem possible, but I knew, especially after what I saw, it probably was. I thought about my dad. Was the club was like this when he was in it? Did he do the things I was thinking Jax could be? Did my mom know about all of this too? And if she did, why would she move us back? Those thoughts made me feel sick inside. My whole life seemed unreal.

"I got you some food too," Rob said interrupting my thoughts as he came in with a soda, sandwich and chips, along with my aspirin. "Got to follow orders or I'll have to pay the price, so sorry to say you have to eat it."

He _was_ for real. "OK no problem." I took the pills first, hoping they would start to work quickly. I was only able to eat a little bit of the food, my stomach was too nauseous to allow even the thought of more. I got up to turn the light off and switched on the TV to give myself some sort of distraction, knowing it would never work. My mind kept drifting back to the uncertainty of everything I knew. My feelings for Jax. Everything I had learned. I thought my life was messed up before, when I was just dealing with my alcoholic mother, but now all this, police, ATF, guns, criminals, maybe killers? And as much as I felt betrayed by him, I wanted to talk to him and find out the truth. I cared about him so much. I really hoped it wasn't all that I was imagining, but I had a feeling it might be even more.

My headache began to ease and I decided to try to sleep. I leaned back and tried making myself comfortable. But it just wasn't happening, my mind was racing and my eyes wouldn't shut. I tossed, turned and thought over and over again, in conflict with myself. Finally, around 1 a.m., I heard some commotion coming from outside of the room. It sounded like they had returned. The noises got louder and louder and it seemed like a party was starting. But I still waited and waited. I heard music playing and the sounds of men and women walking up and down the hallway, past my door. I heard the load moans of women's pleasure and the yells of drunken men. The sick feeling that was in my stomach began to worsen. I wondered if Rob saw all I was hearing. I wondered if Jax was even back. I turned on my side to try and drown out the noise with the pillows when I finally heard the door open. I turned my head but couldn't tell who it was, the silhouette black against the light coming in.

"Ashley, where's your cell phone?" Rob asked me, sounding in a rush.

"It's here why?" I grabbed it off the bed next to me.

"Clay needs it," he answered and snatched it from me, closing the door again. WTF I thought. What the hell is going on? I sat up on the bed with my legs crossed. Now I was wide awake. I nervously jiggled my legs up and down. The door opened again and I knew immediately that it was Jax. He came in, turned the light on and locked the door behind him. He turned to me and stayed standing by the door.

"I'm sorry about all of this," he said flatly.

"What's going on?" My nerves started to wake up when I couldn't read him..

"I need you to tell me what happened down at the station. Don't leave anything out. Clay has to be satisfied with the answer."

"You told him that I don't know anything right?" I asked suddenly feeling very scared.

"Yes I told him." He answered, his face still emotionless.

"Why did he need my phone?" I questioned.

"To make sure they didn't bug it, and he didn't want me coming to talk to you if it was in here." he answered.

"And what about me and you? Are we going to talk about this?"

"Let's take care of Clay first. It's either I ask you, or he does and I don't think you want that." The tone in his voice was unsparing.

My throat started closing and my chest got tight, the panic quickly creeping its way back in. I tried to slow my breathing and think clearly, I knew I had to do what they wanted. I tried to regain my composure, struggling to hold it together. Mark's words rang in my ears as I realized I was in way over my head.

"Leahy stopped his car behind mine and blocked me from leaving my driveway this morning. He said I had to go with him down to the station," my voice started to quiver and I took a deep breath, Jax still stood there blankly staring so I looked at the wall to keep myself calm, "I went and he was asking questions about my relationship to you, Donna and Opie. He asked if I knew what SAMCRO was, if I knew what your involvement is in it, and if I ever overhead any conversations between you, Gemma, Opie, Clay. I told him I knew nothing and that was the truth. I told him it's a bike club, a hobby, and I never heard anything strange. Then I saw Donna crying and I got really upset, I wanted to leave. And then Mark came in, the guy from the bar and the flower shop. He's been following me and you too. He's ATF and he had pictures with him of all of you, some of them with guns."

"Shit." He turned abruptly and left. I sat there alone again. I wanted him to come back, just so I wasn't alone, but now I was also scared of him and Clay. I had no idea what they would do to me. Nothing made sense, my heart and my brain at war. I only hoped that my truth was enough and that Clay believed Jax had never told me anything.

Rob opened the door. "Ashley, Clay wants to talk to you, come with me." I warily followed him out into the smoky hallway. We entered the main room and made our way across it. There were people littered everywhere, drunk, half-naked people. There were two or three women hanging around every man practically having sex with them out in the open. I thought about my mom when she would come here. I thought about Jax. My stomach twisted and turned inside of me and I thought I would throw up. Rob led me over to another door, opening it for me. I walked into a room with a big table in the middle. Clay was sitting down at the end of it and Jax was sitting beside him to his right. Rob left and closed the door behind him.

"Ashley, sit," Clay said to me, his eyes dark and soulless. I sat down next to him, across from Jax. He stared at me intently, his face cold and callus. "So Jax told me what you went through today. I'm sorry that happened."

I looked at him, barely blinking, wondering what the catch was.

"But now I'm going to explain to you how things work around here." He leaned forward and his unrelenting gaze becoming even more intimidating.

I didn't dare glance at Jax, but I could tell he was looking only at Clay.

"This club is a family and family comes first. We have each others backs. We take care of each other. Everything we do, every decision we make, is for the good of the club. Club life, it is what it is. If you're an old lady you accept all of it, no questions asked. The things you see happen here? Doesn't leave this club house, _ever_. If you can't handle it, you disappear. You go far, far away," he was striking his finger on the table slowly and hard to make his point crystal clear, "And if you _rat_, well, I won't tell you what happens to you, or even what happens to your family, because I know you would never rat. Right, Ashley?"

I nodded. I only wanted to do whatever I had to, to get out of there. I was so scared of Clay.

"What's that?" Clay asked loudly.

"Right."

"Because of Jax and because of who your dad was, I am handling this differently than I normally would. Normally you wouldn't have had the chance to explain anything." He continued to stare at me hard, pausing for what seemed like an eternity.

"So now that we have an understanding between us, I'm going to tell you how you are required to handle these things in the future. I want you to tell Jax if anyone reaches out to you again _immediately_. You don't say _anything_ to _anyone_, not a single word. I don't want you driving your car here, bringing your purse here, your cell phone, anything they could try to bug. Gemma will help you learn what's expected of you and what your place is," he said to me.

"OK," I answered.

He studied me for another long minute before finally leaning back in his chair. "Alright Jax, she's all yours."

"Come on Ash," Jax said, standing up and walking over to the door. He opened it and put his hand on my lower back as I walked past him, lightly pushing me towards the bedroom I had been in, I flinched reflexively at his touch, instantly feeling scared that I did. I saw the women in the room eyeing him as we walked along. I thought I wouldn't make it much further as the nauseating feeling began to overwhelm my senses. I didn't want to go back to that room, I wanted to get the hell out of there. We went into the room and he shut the door behind him and locked it. I sat down on the bed and he sat down beside me, leaning his elbows on his knees.

He rubbed his face in his hands and I stared at the floor, "Do you still want to talk?" he asked, looking over at me.

"Not really," I answered, completely defeated.

"It's late, I would really prefer you stay here tonight."

I nodded, knowing it wasn't a choice and lay back on the bed. I rolled over with my back towards him. I felt him lay down also, but he didn't say anything more, he didn't touch me, and I was glad about that.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

When I woke up the next morning Jax was still asleep. He was laying on his back, shirtless, with one arm above his head and only wearing grey sweatpants. His muscles were toned and exposed on his biceps, chest and stomach. His skin was soft and smooth. He looked so harmless and even tempting. As he lay, sleeping there peacefully, my hormones argued with my mind. I shook the thoughts out of my head as the memories of the night before came flashing back in my mind. I tried to gently ease out of the bed, careful not to wake him. I needed as much time as possible by myself to try and figure out what I was going to do. I quietly moved towards the bathroom, closing the door softly behind me. I washed my face and looked at myself in the mirror, trying to give the girl I saw in the reflection the confidence she needed to brave this day. I wondered what was in store for me. I was supposed to work at 10 a.m. and was hoping I would be _allowed_ to. I didn't even know if anyone had told Bill yet what happened yesterday. I wasn't looking forward to that conversation. I would much rather crawl under a rock than deal with all of this, but I knew that wasn't an option. I took a deep breath and opened the door as ready as I would ever be. Jax was awake now, sitting up on the edge of the bed.

"Can I go home so I can get ready for work?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I'll take you." He answered, rubbing the palms of his hands on his eyes.

"It's fine I have my car."

"I'll take you," he repeated as he stood up and went over to the dresser to put a shirt on. This must be his room, I realized. Great, I just wanted to be alone, to be able to think and I wasn't going to get that chance. I slipped my shoes on and threw my hair up in a ponytail, waiting for him as he used the bathroom.

We walked out into the main room and there were people sleeping everywhere. Couches, chairs, counters, even the pool table had bodies piled on top of it. The sick horrible feeling that I didn't even realize had left, came rushing back again like a wave to knock me down.

"Hey Jax, want coffee?" Rob yelled across the room from behind a counter.

"Yeah, to go," he answered. "You want coffee?" he asked me.

"No thanks," I answered him, I just wanted to leave as quickly as possible.

"Here you go Jax," Rob said, putting the cup on the counter.

Jax grabbed the coffee and we walked outside. "Just give me a minute," he said to me, lighting up a cigarette. I sat down at a worn out picnic table nearby waiting for him to smoke. I was annoyed at how the morning was moving so slowly as he smoked every single bit of the cigarette, like he was savoring the entire process. I looked all around to think of anything else, the cloud filled sky that looked like it might rain, the cracked pavement that needed some repair, my rusty picnic bench, anywhere but him. But as I looked around the parking lot I realized something….I didn't see my car anywhere.

"Where's my car?" I questioned him, already assuming the worst.

"In the shop."

"For how long?" I hated Clay so much.

"Not long," he answered. I decided to add anger to my ever growing list of different emotions I was feeling. Angry, sad, scared, annoyed. I never needed time to myself as much as I needed it now. I looked around at the barren parking lot thinking about my car. Was he checking that for bugs too? And now I had to rely on Jax for rides all day? I noticed a car pulling in and slow down at the front of the lot. Great, Gemma, this day was really beginning to rival yesterday in its quest to become the worst day ever. She got out of her car and came walking towards us, her high heels clicking loud against the pavement. Jax threw his cigarette and put his coffee down on the table.

"Let's go," he said to me. I tried to follow him closely, but I was practically running to keep up with his long strides.

"Jax!" she hollered at him.

"Not now Ma," he responded. He got to his bike and handed me his helmet. Gemma just stood there glaring at us with her hands on her hips. When her gaze hit mine I looked away and saw her shake her head at me. "You can't avoid me forever," she warned him, or me, maybe both of us. I jumped on the back of his bike and he tore off out of the parking lot towards my house.

Once we made it to my house my plan was to move quickly in an effort to free myself of him as soon as possible. I ran inside to shower and change for the day. Jax paced around my house while he waited. I noticed he was looking at the photos on the wall of my mom, my dad and me as a kid and awkward teenager. Fabulous. I rushed from room to room, threw my clothes on and grabbed my purse, coming out with my hair still soaking wet to tell him I was ready. I could tell that he realized what I was doing, but he didn't say anything.

When he dropped me off at work, I thanked him and made my way towards the flower shop's door. I didn't hear his bike start back up and I was afraid to look back to see if he was still there. I took a second to talk myself into going inside, nervous to have to face Bill after yesterday. As I walked through the door I saw him standing behind the counter, arranging some displays on the back wall. He turned when he heard the door and came out from behind the counter, heading over towards me.

"Ashley," he sounded somewhat surprised to see me, as he wiped his hands on the sides of his pants.

"Hi Bill, I'm sorry about yesterday." I apologized, playing with the hem of my shirt, internally panicking about having to confront him.

"Ashley, listen, we need to talk," he said, glancing behind me nervously. My stomach dropped as I realized what he was looking at.

"Bill, I…"

"I can't have you working here anymore," he interrupted quickly, looking back at me. "Officer Leahy told me what's been going on and it's just not good for business."

"Are you serious?" I asked him disbelievingly. I heard the familiar sound of the door chimes ring behind me as my day continued to get worse and worse, threatening to push me off the nearest cliff.

"Jax," Bill greeted him.

"Hey Bill," he said. "Everything OK?"

Bill seemed to squirm, not knowing how to answer him.

"Everything's fine," I said, trying to think fast. "Bill's just giving me the day off today, he had already covered my shift."

Bill looked at me and I could see the relief in his eyes. I was crushed. "Thanks Bill," I said, holding my composure together.

"Bye Ashley."

I turned and walked past Jax with my head down to go back to his bike. I didn't want to take the chance of him reading my face so I was glad he stayed behind me. I prayed silently for the strength to be able to hold it together a little longer, just until I was finally alone.

"I was going to stop by Donna's, do you want to go with me?" Jax asked, which grabbed my attention because I really did want to see her.

"Yes," I answered him and got back behind him on his bike. My arms barely touching him as we made our numerous trips, each time my grip around him becoming less and less. I wondered if we hit a bump if I could even fall off. Would I even care? He must have noticed that I was doing that too because when we stopped at the next light he grabbed my hands and pulled them tighter around him. I couldn't help it, I was feeling disheartened, my whole world crumbling around me, my mom, him, and now my job that I loved. We turned into Donna's driveway and before he was even parked she was coming out the door.

"Jax!" she yelled, she was barreling towards him like a freight train.

He got off the bike and went over towards her, pushing her backwards and trying to get her back inside. She started hitting him and crying. It was heart breaking to watch. He pushed her all the way back inside and I followed and closed the door behind me.

"Why aren't you helping him?!" she screamed at him.

"We're trying to Donna," he answered.

"I have two kids Jax, what am I supposed to do without him?" she yelled, furious.

"I know," he said.

"You _don't_ know. You have NO idea!" she pushed him hard in the chest.

"Donna, calm down. We're doing our best to get him out." He answered her, genuinely trying to calm her.

"Calm down?!" she screamed in his face and he just stared at her. "I have the feeling he's not getting out this time Jax!"

This time? So Donna was aware of all of this? Or maybe even some of it? Was she just hinting to me this whole time, trying to see what I knew? My mind raced with her admission but I couldn't be angry with her, seeing her the way she was right now, broken in pieces.

He hugged her. "We're doing all we can." She sobbed hysterically into his shirt, her wailing barely muffled by his chest. I turned around, I couldn't look, I felt like crying too, watching her falling apart, struggling to hold myself together. This was all so overwhelming.

She pulled away from him, "Just get him out Jax."

"I will," he promised. He reached into his pocket and gave her some money. "This is from the club, use it for now, whatever you need for you and the kids." She refused to take it so he put it on the counter.

She looked at me, her eyes swollen and tears streaking down her cheeks, "I'm sorry Ashley."

"Don't be sorry Donna," I said. She came over and hugged me crying. It was taking every ounce of strength I had to not cry too. "Get out while you can," she whispered in my ear. "It's going to be ok," I said to her, "I'll help you, with the kids, whatever you need." She pulled away from me too. "I'm going to go lay down," she looked at Jax," Just get him out," she repeated and walked into the other room.

Jax headed outside flipping his phone open and I followed him, not wanting to be left in that room alone. He was calling Clay to update him on how Donna was doing. He looked tense as he hung up the phone. "I'll take you home."

* * *

When we got to my house I really hoped that I could finally get the space I needed to think about things. But Jax followed close behind me and came inside when I opened the door. I went into my living room and when I turned around he was just standing there, as if trying to figure out what to say.

"What do you want from me Jax?" I asked, I figured I needed to get this over with if I could ever be free of him. He just looked at me and didn't respond so I went over to the couch and sat down. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I just need you to give me some time alone so I can think about everything," I looked up at him again but still nothing, "What do you want from me?"

"The same as I always wanted," he finally answered.

"It's not the same," I said, "It's not the same at all."

His face looked serious and his jaw tightened. My heart wrenched remembering how happy I had been with him just two days ago, wanting to spend every single possible moment I could with him. Now I was scared of him, only wanting him to leave. He wouldn't talk, he just kept standing there. His silence was angering me, giving me the courage I needed to confront him.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

"It was better you didn't know."

"Better for who?" I demanded.

"Everyone. You were dealing with your own shit and I didn't think you could handle it."

"Maybe if I knew I wouldn't have fallen for you in the first place," I admitted, revealing my wounds to him. I saw his hand move to his head out of the corner of my eye.

"Babe…"

"No."

He came over and sat down next to me on the couch.

"You're right I can't handle it," I said to him, unable to look at him. He touched my thigh and I flinched again.

"Babe…"

"I'm scared of you, I'm scared of Clay, I don't know what to do."

"Don't be scared of me. Look at me." He turned my face gently to make me look at him. "Don't be scared of me, you know me."

"I thought I knew you, this is not who I knew."

"Yes Ash, it's still me."

"I can't handle it Jax. I can't handle that you carry a knife and a gun, hurt people, maybe even kill them. Put your life in danger all the time," I choked on my words as I spit them out, "I can't handle that I don't really know anything about you, even though I thought I did, why you'd want to live your life like that. I can't handle Clay and your mom. The clubhouse with the girls all over and Clay hinting at the fact that I have to just accept that what happens, happens. Keep my mouth shut about everything, or I'll disappear? I can't handle any of that."

"You know me Ash, everything that's happened between us has been real," he started, trying to look me in the eyes but I was fighting him. "The club is my life, it's all I know. It was how I was raised, my dad, my step dad…" he paused as if trying to figure out what he could tell me, "I carry a gun, but I need to protect myself…."

"So you've killed people?" I asked, finally making eye contact with him.

"Let me finish," he said, "As for Gemma, you don't have to worry about her, I will handle her. And as for Clay, there's no reason you even have to be around him. No ones going to hurt you, I won't let that happen"...he paused, thinking again…. "I can't explain everything to you. There's a lot I will never be able to tell you. That stuff you just have to trust."

"I can't handle that I was questioned by the police,_ because of you_, and then I have to worry about being hurt by you or Clay because of being questioned by police. There's no right answer."

His face was tensing again and I looked back down.

"And for Clay to tell me I will learn my place and accept it, and to lay there waiting hours for you to return, listening to the skanky women, knowing that you stay there, that my mom was there all the time, maybe my dad was…" I started crying and quickly stopped, I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing that.

Jax rubbed his face again and sighed. He looked down at the palms of his hands, playing with a ring on one of his fingers and waited a minute before saying anything, "There is no girl at the club house that I give a shit about."

I had so many questions but was losing my steam.

Jax looked over at me and then back to his hands, "I think it's just as simple as if you want to be with me or not."

"You think it's simple?"

"It's simple for me, I know I want to be with you. Everything else I can work at," he answered.


	19. Chapter 19

Jax looked over at me and then back to his hands, "I think it's just as simple as if you want to be with me or not."

"You think it's simple?"

"It's simple for me, I know I want to be with you. Everything else I can work at," he answered.

Chapter 19

My heart fluttered. I tried to think of the bad things to keep my mind on track. I thought of Clay and his words echoed through my head.

"And if I don't want to be with you, I have to disappear."

"You don't want to be with me?" he looked back up at me.

That wasn't exactly what I meant. "If I can't handle it."

"You can handle it, you're stronger than you realize. You've dealt with bad shit your whole life. And with what you've dealt with over the last 24 hours, you can handle it."

"You already said that you didn't think I could handle it."

"Poor choice of words, I didn't want you to handle it. When you found out about your mom what did you do? You dealt with it head on. You confronted me and didn't back down. And when you left the police, you came right over to the clubhouse to confront me. Maybe you worry or think a lot, but you deal with shit, you are very strong."

"But what if I don't want to handle it," I said. "What if I don't want to live my life like that? It's just not fair, finding all this out now, after it's gone too far to be able to just walk away."

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I could tell he was trying to think of what to say. I wasn't sure either. I knew how strong my feelings were for him, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to handle everything that came along with his life.

"You think you could have stayed away from me if you knew this when you first moved back?" he asked me, the nerve of him to try and smirk.

"I know I could have," I answered, not giving in.

"Yeah well, I wouldn't have stayed away from you, so we would still be sitting here now." Jax's phone rang and he flipped it open to answer it, getting up and walking out of the room. I let out a deep breath that I didn't even know I had been holding.

"I have to go," he said, coming back into the room.

"OK," I answered, both relieved and somber. I stood up to walk him out.

"Do me a favor," he said when we got to the door. He pushed a hair that had fallen in my face back behind my ear, "Don't think too much. There's a part of this that's easy. A part that _feels_ easy all of the time, and you know what that is." He kissed me on my forehead and then left.

I did know what that was. It was what scared me the most about all of this, it scared me more than even Clay.

* * *

I didn't take Jax's advice. Actually I probably did more than the opposite, I probably obliterated his advice. In the hours since he had left I thought so much I gave myself another headache. I thought so much that I started believing things that just weren't real anymore. I thought so much, that if anyone could see into my mind they would have committed me for sure. And at the end of all that thinking, I hadn't made very much progress. It was however, easier to think with him gone and the longer he was gone, the stronger I became, the more confident I felt that I needed to separate myself from him.

While I was thinking, I was cleaning. A kind of sick therapy for myself. Maybe because I had so much emotion running through me that my body needed to release that energy somehow. But it probably also had to do with the fact that I didn't have my car so I was a little trapped at home anyways. Trapped. I let out another sigh.

My doorbell rang and caught me off guard. Who would be visiting me? Especially now after the sun had just gone down. I walked over to the door and opened it, immediately regretting that decision.

"Hi," Gemma said, the pissed off look that had been on her face earlier was now replaced with _curiosity_? I could be wrong.

"Hi Gemma, look I'm not really in the mood right now to talk, I kind of want to be alone."

"This won't take long," she said walking right past me into my foyer. She looked around at my house. I turned to her, leaving the door open, just in case. "Look, I came to see if you wanted a ride, your car is ready."

"That's OK, I'll take a walk tomorrow to get it," I answered her, not willing to be in her car for anything.

"Ashley, I'm not going to attack you or anything." I just stared at her. "Listen, I'll get to the point, I know you love my son, but I think you are in way over your head. I'm worried that you might do something stupid."

"You don't need to worry Gemma, I would never do anything to jeopardize someone I care about. And besides, Clay gave me plenty of warning on that subject."

She stood there narrowing her eyes at my words. Her body bouncing a little and I could sense the impatience she had trying to figure out my truth. And as if on cue, I could hear the sound of a motorcycle coming down my road, apparently we were about to make it a family reunion. Gemma's eyes grew big and I knew she heard it too and if I had to guess I would say she wasn't supposed to be here. I turned to look out my opened door. Jax was coming up my walkway, a slight smile on his face as he saw me, but as soon as he walked inside and saw Gemma I could see his eyes darken and his smile fade. She looked away to the side, still bouncing away.

"Hey Ma, what are you doing here?"

"I was seeing if Ashley needed a ride." she answered, looking at him.

"Really?" he said, obviously knowing different, "Well you can leave now because that's why I'm here."

"Ok kids, see you later," she said over her shoulder as she hightailed it out of there.

He shut the door behind her and turned to me, I could see that he was sorry she had been here. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

"No it's not, I had just told you I would handle her."

"Yeah well, I'm not sure anyone could handle her."

He looked at me and his eyes were sad. My heart broke a little seeing him like that. He was always so manly, strong and protective, but I could see a little vulnerability in him now. I felt guilty towards the part of me that wanted to leave, my other half wanting to pull him close. I bit my lip to keep from saying anything I might regret.

"Where are you at with this?" he asked.

I just looked at him biting my lip and shook my head. Emotion quickly flickered through his eyes but he pushed it out as fast as it had come.

"You want to go get your car?" he asked.

"No."

"Did you eat?"

"No."

"So let's eat," he said, not letting me respond and walked to my kitchen, opening up my fridge. It was interesting looking at him try to squat down and look inside. He was so tall it looked uncomfortable to bend like that, plus the way he was dressed with his plaid shirt and his cut, even his knife was on him, it was just bizarre to see but also a little sweet. I was having a hard time staying focused.

"Let's see...not much in here," I was embarrassed, "Uh bread? Uh...hmmm." I laughed a little to myself. "Cheese, OK I think I can make this work." He turned around with the bread and cheese in his hands.

"I can't imagine what you would make with those," I said, only able to give him a tired grin, though I knew he deserved more.

"Do you have a pan?"

I got the pan and handed it to him as he layered the cheese in between the bread and went to put it in.

"Do you need butter or anything?" I asked, my eyebrows raised knowing he was just about to burn everything.

"Oh, yeah, where's the butter?"

I smiled and got the butter and a knife for him.

"OK, you sit down at the table."

"OK."

He turned on the burner and started to cook the grilled cheese.

"Where are your plates?"

I got up to get the plates, handing them to him.

"OK, you can sit down." He was helpless but it was a sweet gesture. He finished the first sandwich and put in the second one. "Where are your cups?"

I smiled to myself and got up to get the cups, handing them to him. He went to the fridge, "OK so it's water or some kind of red juice?" He looked at me like I was crazy.

"It's been just me OK?" I said defending myself, "I'll have the red juice."

"Not me, that shit looks suspicious," he said grinning. He poured the drinks and gave me my food while he finished his.

"Suspicious?"

"I was trying to be nice." He grabbed his food and sat across from me. He was staring at me intently while I took a bite out of the sandwich. I think he actually wanted to know how good he did making it.

"Mmmm," I said. He laughed.

"OK, so you were obviously thinking a lot. So you can ask me more questions if you need to," he started. He seemed to know me so well and it made him look even more attractive right now.

"I have a million questions," I sighed. He was going to make it so hard to walk away.

"I have time for about three," he answered a small grin forming on his lips.

"OK," I thought about what to ask, "Well...what if it was me who was hiding things from you, major important things?"

"Major important things that had to do with me? Or with you?"

"Me," I answered, maybe understanding a tiny little bit.

"Well I would try to understand that there are some things I can't know, for my safety and for yours. And I would trust you, because that's important. I would know that I'm in your best interest."

I thought about what he said for a long moment. But then, not thinking, I proceeded to not use my filter like I should have, spilling _my_ secret. "Bill fired me, I didn't tell you for your safety and his."

"Oh, shit," He looked at me with his eyes wide, "Seriously?"

I nodded.

"I'm sorry Ash. I'll get your job back. He can't do that to you."

"No, no,_ please_, the last thing I want is you confronting him." I pleaded. I looked at him seriously to try and get my point across, but I could tell he wasn't going to let it go, so I tried to quickly change the subject with something else that had been on my mind. "So what's going on with Opie? Is he going to get out?"

"We have our lawyer working on it, but it honestly doesn't look good." Their lawyer, um OK, I would just file that in my brain somewhere.

"How long will he be in there?"

"I don't know at this point."

"He's your best friend." He didn't say anything, but I could tell it was tearing him up. He wouldn't look at me.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I was trying to think of what I really wanted to ask, but for some reason nothing came to mind.

"That's terrible," I said out loud, dragging the topic out even though I probably shouldn't have. I thought about if it was Jax in jail. Not knowing for how long. Not knowing if he was safe. Being left alone with his kids and his mother. _Terrible_.

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, squishing his face up in a way that said I wish she would shut the hell up about this. So I did.

"So are you still hungry?" I asked him.

"No, I ate before," he answered with the tiniest smirk threatening to come back. "That was four by the way."

"So I guess you'll be leaving now," I stated. His smirk slipped away. I grinned triumphantly.

"I have to get back anyways," he said drumming his fingers on the table. It was probably better anyway. I had been so confident before, but now I think I would have let him stay. He had my head spinning.

I got up and grabbed our plates and cups, bringing them to the sink. I turned the water on to let the crumbs rinse off of them. I shut it off and went to back up and bumped into his chest with my shoulders. I hadn't noticed he had followed me. I straightened up, trying to put some distance between us. He put his right hand on my waist, his thumb on my back and moved my hair away from my ear with his left one, his hand lightly wiping against my shoulder as he did so. I shivered thinking he was going to do something, but he stopped himself. He kissed me on my head and swatted me lightly with his right hand.

"I'll see you tomorrow OK?"

"OK."

I heard him turn and head out. I turned to watch him. I was so screwed.

* * *

In the morning I woke up, realizing two things immediately. I had no job and I had no car. One of those things could be easily fixed, but it meant I had to go back to Teller-Morrow which was currently on my rapid growing list of things to never do again. I sighed, getting up and showered and got dressed. If I had it my way I would stay in bed all day. I probably should have. I had just thrown on a grey v-neck with white shorts. I didn't do my make up and just threw my hair into a wet messy bun. I'd go early, maybe they'd be busy and I could just go, pick my car up and leave quick.

I made a coffee and some toast, scarfing it down. I grabbed my keys and headed out. I turned to lock my front door and something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. There was an envelope stuck noticeably into one of the overgrown bushes which bordered my door. I grabbed it and noticed it was blank but sealed. I ripped it open and unfolded the letter inside. My pulse quickened as I read the words, my fingers becoming sweaty where they touched the paper, and as much as the letter said exactly what I had been thinking to myself for the past two days, it completely and totally freaked me out.

_Your kind isn't welcome here. Move back to where you came from or you WILL regret it._

_-The Neighborhood Watch_


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

I stood there stunned as I read the note again. I folded it back up and looked around me, wondering if it was a neighbor who placed it there, possibly peeking out of their window right now and enjoying watching me read it. I thought about the neighbor across the street. No, he had seemed genuinely concerned. Maybe another neighbor who was bothered by my mother's screams? Or maybe Gemma...Could it be? She did say that she was worried about me doing something stupid, maybe this was her play to make me go away? I sighed and tucked it deep into my back pocket. The most disturbing thought about all of this was, whoever it was, crept up to my house and stuck it in that bush while I was sleeping alone inside. I shuddered at the thought.

I instantly thought of calling Jax, but quickly dismissed the idea, not wanting to bother him while he was supposed to be working. To make him leave over a note? A flimsy piece of paper, folded up with words scribbled sloppily on it by someone with way too much time on their hands, it seemed so trivial. It was the threat of it though, the unknown, that freaked me out at first, but now I figured that maybe I was making too much out of it. I decided to stick to my original plan of walking to TM to pick up my car. Maybe I would show him if I saw him there. He would know if it was anything I needed to worry about.

Walking never really bothered me before, but today was different, today it was ranking right up there with washing dishes or folding laundry, today it was a chore. Every step I took I was reminded of how far I still needed to go. In my restless mind I would count houses, count cars lining the street, cracks in the sidewalk, any little sign of advancing that would make me feel like I was getting somewhere.

Finally Teller-Morrow came into view and I quickened my pace. Cars were packed into every spot, business booming like I had hoped it would be before. Now I wished it hadn't been. I looked all around the parking lot and didn't see any trace of Jax. It was better anyway, I wanted to talk to Gemma and see if I could get a feel for if she had anything to do with the note. I walked into the office and she was busy arguing with a customer so I sat down in the nearest chair, thankful to rest my legs.

"Ashley," she said as he left, "Come for your car?"

"Yes." I tried to smile to keep things cordial.

"I wanted to talk to you about something anyway," she started. I stood up and made my way to the door, immediately wanting to leave which she must have sensed, "It's about your mom."

"What about her?" I asked.

"She's finishing her treatment tomorrow."

"What?!" I felt shocked, happy, and worried all at the same time. She hadn't wanted to see or speak to me the whole time she had been in rehab, which I couldn't understand. I was nervous about how things would be when she was settled in at home again.

"She wants you to be there at 2 to pick her up."

"OK," I answered. Well that was something, she wanted it to be me who picked her up. My mind raced thinking of all the things I needed to do to prepare for her coming home

"Here are your keys," she said handing them to me, the only emotion in her eyes indifference and that was fine with me.

"Thanks."

I stepped outside and paused for a minute, letting my eyes adjust to the glare from the blinding sun. I glanced over to the garage and saw Jax wiping his hands on his pants, coming towards me.

"Hey," he said smiling.

"Hi."

"Getting your car?"

"Yeah, I'm glad I did too, apparently my mom is coming home tomorrow and I guess I'll need to do some grocery shopping."

"Good idea," he smirked. I could feel Gemma's eyes on us. Good, I thought, it gave me the perfect opportunity to show him the note in front of her, and if it was her I wanted to get my message back loud and clear.

"Um, I wanted to show you something," I said taking it out of my back pocket. "I noticed this stuck in my bushes when I left this morning. It's probably nothing but, I don't know." I handed him the note. He opened it and scanned his eyes over it quickly, then stuck it in his pocket.

"It's a threat."

"Yeah but maybe it's just a neighbor wanting us to move or something," I answered.

"Or maybe its not, it doesn't just say to move, it says move or you'll regret it. That's a threat." He looked at me seriously. I wasn't sure what to say, it was like he was waiting for a reaction from me. "And you walked here alone after you read that?"

"Yeah but…."

"But what if he was still around?"

"He probably left it while I was sleeping."

"Even better," he said, seemingly annoyed with me.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked him, "I thought I was doing the right thing showing you."

"No, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at whoever left that." I looked back and forth between his eyes to make sure I could believe him.

"So what should I do?"

"Let me see if I can figure it out, just focus on getting ready for your mom."

"OK."

He opened the door of my car for me and I got in. He motioned for me to roll down the window.

"Stop worrying," he smiled, one arm on the roof. "I'll be by later alright?"

"Alright."

He leaned in and kissed my cheek before hitting the roof of the car as I left.

* * *

I stopped by the grocery store on my way home. I had hardly gone while my mom was in rehab which explained the lack of food currently in my fridge. I hated grocery shopping. It was always so packed and people would hit you with their carts or stand in the middle of the aisles, most of them apparently deaf because when I would say excuse me repeatedly they still remained planted there. But I needed to buy a ton of stuff so I had no choice but to go. I wanted my mom to have the best chance of recovery so I wanted to get a lot of healthy foods. I became one of those people that irked me most, going through every aisle, taking my time to read the packaging on everything I was choosing. I must have been in that store for almost two hours by the time I even got to the produce department.

"Ashley," I heard a familiar voice say as I was examining some oranges for bruises. I looked up from the bins and saw Mark standing there. The only thought in my mind being, get me the hell out of here.

"Mark," I responded, "I was just leaving."

"Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"I really don't have time Mark." I said starting to walk away.

"Is everything alright with you?" he grabbed my arm to stop me and I pulled it away. I looked him in the eyes and as good looking as he was I hated everything that he meant for me.

"Everything's great Mark," I answered.

"Please call me if you need to," he reminded me. I looked around to see who else was in the store, luckily no one I knew.

"OK," I said escaping to the checkouts.

My feet pounded the pavement and the cart wheels squealed loud as I moved fervently across the parking lot to my car. Clay's voice was sounding in my head, reminding me to call Jax if I knew what was good for me. I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and dialed his number.

"Hey," he answered, I could hear the smile in his voice and my stomach fluttered.

"Hey Jax."

"What's going on, everything OK?"

"Yeah, I am just leaving the grocery store, but I wanted to tell you that I saw Mark."

There was silence on his end and then he cleared his throat.

"What did he want?"

"He was just asking me if I was alright. I said yes and left. That's all that happened but I figured I should tell you."

"You should," he agreed, "I was just going to call you too, I wanted to tell you that I have a prospect driving by every once in a while, so if you see a guy sitting in a car don't be alarmed."

"Do you really think that's necessary?"

"For now, until I can figure out who this asshole is."

"OK, I'll see you later."

"Bye babe."

I hung up the phone and sighed to myself. It felt nice that he was so protective but I was still undecided about what all this was, and now with my mom coming home...

I went home and unpacked my millions of groceries. Thankfully I had cleaned the day before so there wasn't much left to do except throw her bed sheets in the laundry to freshen them up. Even though I was nervous about her return, it gave me something to look forward to and take my mind off of everything that had happened in the past two days. I was hoping she would be able to stay strong.

I decided to take another shower, a long hot one, to relax and unwind. I got in my comfiest pajamas, a soft red v-neck and plaid flannel pajama shorts that were so short I shouldn't bend over, but they were my favorites and I was seeking comfort. I was in a mood to treat myself good, even painting my toenails red to match my shirt. I brushed my hair and tried to figure out what to do next. I thought about texting Donna, but I didn't want to upset her. I needed to visit her soon.

I peeked out the front window and saw Rob sitting in a car in front. Jax wasn't joking about sending someone by. Is this how he planned on finding the person who left the note? By stationing Rob conspicuously outside my house?

I went back to my couch, bored and trying to think what I could do next when I heard a knock on my door. I got up thinking it must be Jax but when I opened the door Rob was standing there.

"Hey Ashley?" he asked me.

"Yes."

"Would it be alright if I use your bathroom?"

"Sure Rob."

He looked majorly bored too and I felt bad for him, always having to babysit me. Maybe he wanted me to paint his toenails too, I thought smiling to myself.

Rob came out of the bathroom, "Thanks Ashley."

"Anytime Rob, I'm sorry that you have to watch me again."

"Hey I don't mind babysitting a pretty woman." He said smiling, his comment making me feel a little uncomfortable but I brushed it off.

"So do you need a drink or anything?"

"No, Jax said he should be here soon to relieve me." Like they were taking turns in shifts. "So what are you doing?"

"Not much, pretty bored," I said.

"Looks like you showered."

"Yeah," that weird feeling again, I really didn't know how to respond to that and he didn't seem like he was planning on going anywhere soon. "So Jax has you watching out for strange men or…"

"Something like that, but it's been pretty uneventful except for a few elderly joggers." He said smiling. I heard another knock and was thankful it was probably Jax. I opened the door giving him a smile, but he looked nothing but pissed.

"Hey Ash," he said walking by me. "Rob, what are you doing?"

"He was just using the bathroom," I said covering for him. Jax just looked at me quickly to be polite I guess, because he glared back hard at Rob, waiting for his response.

"I just had to take a leak man," he answered.

"Can I talk to you outside for a sec?" Jax asked, or demanded. I felt awkward witnessing Rob get in trouble and went back to sit on the couch.

"Sure man," he said and walked outside with Jax following behind him. I decided Rob maybe wasn't creepy, maybe he was just an idiot. I felt a little bad for him, but not much.

Jax seemed to be taking a while to talk to Rob. But after about fifteen minutes he came back in smelling like smoke.

"Everything alright?" I asked him as he sat down on the couch.

"Yeah, just don't let him in again OK?"

"OK."

"He can't do what he's supposed to be doing if he's in here trying to talk to you." I stared at him blankly. "I looked through the window when he wasn't in the car." He explained himself. My head started messing with me again, he looked so hot when he was jealous. I smiled to myself.

"What are you smiling about? You're the one who tried to cover for him. Partners in crime." He stared at me. Now I felt like I was in trouble. But then he smirked to my relief.

"If I didn't know any better I would say you were jealous."

"Not me, I don't get jealous."

"Right." I looked him right in the eyes for emphasis and I saw his eyes darken, becoming cloudy. I knew what that meant and I knew what he was thinking, I'd seen that look before. I quickly looked away knowing he wouldn't try anything unless I let him. I wanted to let him.

"So Mark was visiting you too?"

"No, I just saw him in the grocery store."

"You saw him? Or he found you?"

"He found me."

"That's what I thought." OK, time to change this subject or it will never end well. Mr. Pissy Pants couldn't seem to shake it.

"So my mom's coming home tomorrow."

"Yeah, you ready for that?"

"I don't know, I think so." I said, suddenly feeling very thirsty. "You want a drink?"

"Sure."

I went to get some water and he followed me into the kitchen.

"You're already in your pajamas?" he asked, leaning against the counter.

"Why, you want to go somewhere?" I asked handing him his water.

"No I was just noticing."

"Is that bad? I wanted to be comfortable."

He just looked at me.

"Is this about Rob too?" I asked. He took a drink of his water. "What's with you today?"

"Nothing, it's been a long day." He said.

Something made me feel bad for him. I had only been thinking about myself this whole time. Meanwhile he had been going through a lot too. And while part of me was still angry at him for keeping me in the dark, I realized I had put him through a lot today with my note, Mark, having to find someone to make sure I was safe, finding that someone not doing what you wanted him to do, and the uncertainty of "us" on top of everything. I felt selfish.

"So, how long are you staying?" I asked leaning on the counter opposite him.

"I was going to see if you wanted me to stay over, in case of anything."

"That sounds good." I wanted to make him feel better. I wanted to hold him and give him the attention he needed. But I couldn't bring myself to make the first move, it would be like saying that I accepted everything that came along with him. The turmoil was tearing me up inside, just looking at him. I knew he was trying not to do anything too, trying to give me space so I could sort it all out. Why did everything have to be so hard? And what if I just gave in for one night? Would that be so bad? I guess not except for the small little part where I would only confuse everything more.

"What the hell are you thinking about?" he asked laughing at me.

"What?"

"Your face is twitching and you're just staring out in space."

I laughed, "You."

"Me?"

"Yep."

"Well you should know that you don't look very attractive when you think about me."

"Thanks for telling me, I'll be sure to stop now."

"So what were you thinking about?" he asked pausing, "The easy part?"

A burning sensation ran upwards through my body, settling in my face, "I guess." Though it didn't feel very easy while I was fighting with myself.

"Are you arguing with yourself?" he asked. What the hell?

"Sort of," I answered.

"Me too."

I felt hot under his glare.

"So what does _your_ argument sound like?" I asked in an attempt to switch the attention off of me.

"Mine sounds like, should I give you some time to figure things out or should I just tell you how I feel and not play fair."

My heart flipped completely around in my chest, causing me to feel light headed and giving me the urge to run away again. I couldn't hold his stare, it was destroying me. I wasn't prepared for the conversation to go in _that_ direction. That was the scary direction that I knew I had no defenses for. And I think he knew that too.

"What does your argument sound like?" he asked, his gaze still extremely intense.

"Well it sounds more like a war," I said, quickly glancing at him and then away just as fast, so he couldn't suck out the last ounce of resilience I had left with those eyes. "It's mainly the rational part of me fighting with everything else."

"That's what I thought." He got quiet but he was still staring at me. I wasn't looking but I could feel his piercing gaze as if it were the sun's strongest ray. He walked over to where I was leaning back on the counter. I looked at him and all around, desperately trying to figure out how I could escape. He rested a hand on either side of me against the counter. He really_ wasn't_ playing fair.

"Remember when we were kids and I got your bike back for you?" I just nodded trying my best to avoid his eyes, he was leaning down, his face close to mine. "Well I saw you crying and I just wanted you to be happy. You were so beautiful when you smiled." _Oh my God please make him stop._ "I saw how your mom was and I just wanted to kidnap you and bring you to live at my house. She was the person that made you sad the most." That's when I looked at him, I didn't even remember my mom drinking before my dad died, but he had. "And when you kissed me that day I knew you were looking for someone to take care of you and make you smile." My eyes were tearing up and my body betraying me. "Then your dad died and you were gone."

I looked at him, "Jax, please stop."

"Then you came back and I knew what I had to do."

"Jax…"

"But it's ok, it's ok if you don't want to be with me. I had you for a little while and I know that what we have is different than anything else. I know that even if we don't end up together it was worth it."

That stupid tear escaped me. I couldn't look at him at all now. Of course he wiped that tear away with his thumb. Of course he was trying to turn my face and make me look at him. He knew that I had built the highest wall to climb and I would fight every emotion I had to its death before I would give in to it. But I realized that this is what he meant by the easy part, the easy part like being a kid and seeing only the good in things, the natural part that didn't have anything to do with anything else in life, only each other. And as my guarded mind tried to add, the dangerous part that sucked you in to a web of other things you weren't expecting, and when you tried to escape you were stuck. What were those other things? He had my head spinning again.

"You're making that face again."

"You're making me forget everything I keep telling myself, the reasons why I shouldn't be with you."

"My life." He said and I remembered. "I couldn't be completely unfair." I sighed still pinned between him and the counter.

"I do love you, you know," I said looking at him. "That's not the part I'm trying to figure out." His eyes got soft and I couldn't look at them anymore so I looked down, but not too far down because I found myself staring at his lips and I knew that I was in trouble. So I looked back up but his lips were already on mine, moving slow and gentle and sweet and kind and soft. Stroking my face and my hair and I knew he loved me too. And as I kissed him back I forgot about everything else, even if it was just for a little while. There was no urgency, no building feeling of take it as quick and hard as you can because it won't be here for long. It was just slow and deliberate.

He pulled away slightly, "Ash, I…"

I pulled him back to kiss him again. I did not want to hear what he was going to say.

He pulled away again and before he could say anything I interrupted him. "Don't say anything, you don't have to."

He pulled completely away from me, just giving me a look. The kind of look that said he was calling me a chicken shit. He walked into the other room, slipping the hoodie he was wearing off over his head, his stomach muscles peeking out lustfully at me, causing more turmoil deep inside my body.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"I'm taking off my sweatshirt, it's a little warm in here." He looked at me before adding, "Or maybe I'm getting ready for what's coming after you let me say what I want to say."

As much as I wanted to be with him physically right now I did not want to handle any more of the emotional stuff. I was OK telling him, but when he would tell me it just made me look for the closest path of least resistance to take me away from his confrontation. I couldn't deal and I didn't understand what was wrong with me.

He walked back over to where I was standing. "So." He pulled me by my hand towards him and into my room where he started to kiss me again. He placed his hands behind my neck up into my hair, kissing me again like he had before. I forgot all the reasons why I had fought it so much. I slipped my hands under the front of his shirt, feeling the goose bumps that were forming as the air hit his skin. He pulled my face closer to his, tightening his grip on me, his lips strong and firm against the softness of mine. I let my hands wander across his stomach and to his back, loving the way he felt under my fingertips. His hands went up my arms and down my back, pulling me tighter into him as he got to my waist. But I couldn't get close enough, pulling him down towards me, I felt so small compared to how tall he stood. His hands reached around my thighs and pulled me up and I tightened my grip around his neck, my legs wrapping around his waist as he carried me over to the bed. My body radiating the heat that threatened to burst from every part of me. The kiss stayed gentle and sweet as he laid me on the bed, kicking his shoes off, his hands moving on my arms, pinning my wrists beside my shoulders. He held them down as he started to kiss down my neck, slowly, lingering below my ear and starting again down the side of my neck, and then he stopped, pulling back to look at me.

"Ashley," he said, his eyes clouded with what he was wanting, his body pinning mine beneath him. I realized he had me trapped and I was going to have no choice but to give up my fight.

"Jax, please," I said with one last effort to stop him.

"Stop Ash," he said, "stop trying to be in control. I know it's all you know, but stop." I just looked at him and loved how he knew everything about me, more than I even knew about myself. "Let me take care of you." He started to kiss my neck again and I am sure I whimpered giving in to him. "Let me love you."


	21. Chapter 21

*****Thanks to my reviewers...with a special thanks to my Guest reviewers that I can't personally respond to. I love your reviews! :)*****

Chapter 21

I sat in the parking lot anxiously waiting for 2 o'clock to come. The anticipation was palpable, escaping heavily from my legs as they practically bounced a hole into the floor of my car. Jax had wanted to come and be here for me during this, but I turned him down, wanting to have this time with my mom alone. Part of me was regretting that now though, he always had a way of calming me when I was on the brink of freaking out. Then again, he tended to freak me out too. But I knew that me being here for her alone was what was best for her. She had never been in rehab before, never acknowledged she had a problem, never accepted help, and never had I been away from her for so long. But I was grateful for the time we had apart, I had discovered a lot about myself, growing up and growing stronger.

_Ow_, I thought. I looked down and noticed I had chewed my cuticle until it hung like a thread from the corner of my fingertip. _Take a deep breath_. My phone buzzed and I glanced at it.

_"Stop worrying. Relax. Everything is going to be great."_

I smiled to myself. It was almost annoying at how well he knew me. Almost. But mostly it was pretty amazing. I instantly started to calm, thinking about our night before. He had confronted me and forced me to face my feelings. He had basically said he loved me. My outlook on everything had started to change so much. Now instead of spending every waking moment thinking, worrying and over analyzing, I was sitting alone in my car with the dumbest shit eating grin plastered on my face that you could imagine. Of course I still worried and thought, mostly about my mom today, but it didn't consume me, well, until I pulled into the parking lot and it was completely in my face. And as for things with Jax, I realized it was like a wave I needed to ride to see where it would lead me, loving the feeling of the water spraying on my face and the wind in my hair, but careful to balance my life so I didn't fall off and drown in the shark infested waters. OK, there I went again, ruining such a happy and wonderful thought. But I did know, after finally giving up my fight (or being forced to, _very romantically forced to_, I decided after I replayed it in my head a few times this morning already, who'd have guessed) I felt the happiest that I had in a long time. I didn't know what the future had in store for me, but that wouldn't stop me from being happy now. I knew what was important to me, I knew what my morals and values were and I knew I wouldn't compromise myself. Not that I would want to change him or anything. I was just going to let go and see where it took me, enjoying the ride.

I glanced at the clock. 1:56. Close enough. I took a deep breath and grabbed the handle of the door, with hopes that I was opening it to a new chapter in my life, one with a mother who would be healthy, strong and self reliant. My anticipation was peaking as I entered the facility. The first few minutes seeing her would be the hardest, and then everything would be fine, I hoped.

"I'm here to pick up Lorraine Sullivan," I told the man behind the glass window.

"Sure, can you sign in here and show me your ID?" He answered handing me a clipboard and pen.

I passed my license and scribbled my name quick.

"You can have a seat. She'll be right out." He informed me handing my license back.

I sat again, waiting again, the anticipation killing me, until the door finally opened and my mom appeared in the doorway, looking smaller than I remembered. In my mind she was much bigger, maybe it was the memories of when she yelled at me, when she threw things that made her seem that way. Now she looked good, she had gained some weight and her skin looked healthy, full of color, even her wrinkles had filled in some from the weight that she had gained. She was standing there holding only one small bag. Looking at her face I could tell she was nervous to see me again too.

"Hey Mom," I said walking over to her and hugging her. I took the bag from her hands and slung it over my shoulders.

"Hey honey," she replied softly and that was it. That was fine though, I figured I would give her some time to open up, baby steps. I was relieved to find that she wasn't angry with me, which was something I had thought for awhile after her refusing to see me while she was in here.

"Ma'am, I just need you to sign these release forms stating that you were the one to pick her up." The man behind the glass said pushing a clipboard at me again. I signed them quickly, eager to get out of that place for good.

"You ready?" I asked my mom and she nodded back to me. I opened the door for her and we walked silently to my car. I tossed her bag in the trunk and we left. The car ride was painfully silent until I decided to break the ice.

"So how are you feeling?"

"Pretty good," She started, "Ashley do you mind if we stop by the cemetery?"

My body froze, I had not been expecting that. The cemetery was a place I didn't like to go to. My dad and grandparents were buried there and I know most normal people like to go to remember their loved ones, or talk to them, to feel close to them for even a moment more. But I wasn't normal, when I went there it was like acknowledging they were gone, dead and in the ground, it was real. I never felt close to my dad being there and staring at that big headstone or the grass underneath my feet. My mind could never connect the fact that he was there with what my eyes could see around me. But of course I would go there for my mom. I would do whatever she needed me to, to help her.

"Sure Mom," I said.

When we pulled into the cemetery my mom started to shift a little in her seat. I glanced over at her but she just stared out the window. I parked the car and we got out, I was thinking she was there for her parents but instead she walked straight over to my dad's grave. When we got there she dropped down on her knees and started crying, not loud but quiet and personal. Not knowing what I should do I dropped onto my knees to and stayed by her side, resting my arm around her shoulder.

"Richard," my mom said once she calmed herself down some, "I want to tell you that I'm sorry, I know how much I have failed you. I'm sorry for not taking care of our Ashley, for not being even enough of one parent, much less two. I checked out and selfishly drowned myself in alcohol, not wanting to deal with my life without you. I know I can't change my horrible mistakes but I promise you that I will do my best from now on."

"Mom," I said. She just looked at the ground and quietly sobbed. I knew she was apologizing to me but couldn't face me. I knew she was avoiding confrontation too. But hearing her words I also knew she had changed in rehab, she had seen what she had done and took ownership, she was at a place where she was starting to think clearly. Questioning her on why she didn't let me come see her and what had happened that night she ended up there could wait for now. She needed some distance, some time out of rehab and normalcy, to build up her strength before battling the hard questions. I hugged her for a long time, letting her get it all out, hoping this would be the new start she needed.

"Ok," she said as we hugged, patting me on the back, "Let's go home now." And I saw a slight smile form on her lips.

My heart felt really good. It was at peace.

* * *

I spent the rest of the afternoon in the kitchen trying to create the perfect homecoming dinner. One thing I could never brag about was my cooking, it was usually borderline terrible. My baking was even worse. But maybe since I was following the directions to a T from the internet there was no way I could mess it up. It smelled good at least. Jax and Gemma were coming over soon so the pressure was on. Gemma always had the best cooking and I didn't want to screw anything up and to cook for your man, well that was another story. Thankfully, Clay had something he needed to take care of so I wouldn't have to be in the same room with him for now.

"Mmmm, it smells good in here," my mom said coming into the kitchen. She had spent the afternoon unpacking and reading some questionable inner self help meditation books outside.

"Thanks."

"Do you need any help?"

"No, just go relax."

She went back outside and I started frantically trying to finish up everything because I knew they would be here any minute. I was rushing so much I burned the tip of my finger on the hot pan taking it out of the oven. It wasn't the first time I wounded myself cooking, I'm sure it wouldn't be the last.

The doorbell rang and I put everything on the counter, going to get it. I opened the door to Gemma who stood there with a polite smile on her face and Jax who wore a curious one. Hopefully he was just wondering how it was going with my mom and not what the hell the smell was that came seeping outside.

"Hello Ashley, how's everything going so far?" Gemma asked giving me a half hug and kissing me on the cheek.

"So far so good," I informed her. "She's out back."

"Great, I'll go say hi."

I looked at Jax, relieved that he was here, sighing outwardly to get rid of all the emotion I had dealt with during the day.

"Hey," he said grinning and giving me a quick kiss. "So?"

"It's good," I said grinning back.

"Smells good."

"Really?"

"Yeah what is it? Tacos? Fish? Shoes?" he asked teasing me.

"No!" I said swatting him as we went inside.

Dinner went off without a hitch. No one choked or excused themselves to the bathroom with a mouth full of food. Everyone ate what was on their plates and even went back for more. I considered it a success. After dinner my mom and Gemma slipped out the back to talk some more. I cleared off the table and washed the dishes while Jax watched me. I was happy, content. Everything was going well in all aspects of my life. I smiled to myself.

"What are you smiling about?" Jax asked me as he grabbed me from behind and pulled me into him.

"Just happy, that's all."

"I'm happy too." He said turning me around to kiss me gently. "You want to go outside with me?"

"Sure," I threw down the towel I was still holding and walked out front with him.

"So? Nothing to tell?" He asked pulling me close again. I was aware that we were out front and my nosy neighbors were probably watching, but I didn't care. I was letting myself enjoy it.

"We stopped at the cemetery."

"How was that?" I could tell he knew what it meant. How important it must have been for her to go there.

"It was ok, my mom asked my dad for forgiveness," I told him, my eyes filling with tears. He just nodded and pulled me closer, kissing me on top of my head. He didn't ask me anything else, probably sensing how close I was for them to come spilling out.

"Hey." He said grabbing my attention.

I looked up at him and his eyes looked so warm and comforting.

"I love you," he told me.

"I love you too." I smiled and kissed him. The kiss was like everything I was feeling in that moment, _perfect_. I couldn't ask for anything more. My mom, my love, I was happy. Nothing else mattered. I knew that what Jax said was true for me too. Even if this were to all end tomorrow it would have been worth it. But it wasn't going to end, I wouldn't let it, maybe I was selfish, but this would never end without my biggest fight. I loved him, completely and I wasn't going anywhere.

* * *

He watched them patiently from his car which was parked down the street. _What a slut, kissing him in front of the whole town_. She needed to learn her lesson. He took out his phone to make a quick call.

"Yeah?"

"Mom is home."

"Even better, she'll definitely leave. Can you do it now?"

"No, he's with her. And I'd rather get her when she's alone."

"Ok."

He hung up the phone and smiled to himself. A couple more players? No problem. That only made the game a little more interesting. He knew what he was _supposed _to do, but he also had his own plans. He would wait as long as he needed to, a slow build to his powerful climax. It had to happen at the perfect time. It would be more than worth it, the thought of what he would get out of it sent waves of electricity all throughout his body, thrilling him to his very core.

******Sorry it took me so long to update. I was going back and forth on how far to take this and since I had so much more I wanted to do I decided it was better to end this one and start number two. I am posting it now, it's called Emergence, it will be a little different as you will be able to tell from the first chapter. So if you want to follow this further be sure to check it out! I appreciate everyone who liked, favorited and reviewed. Love you guys!******


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